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 Jan 2018 xmelancholix
Blake
Pills
 Jan 2018 xmelancholix
Blake
As the pills slide down my throat

I burn with regret

Of telling him that I love him

Of fighting with my mom

Of not telling my family I love them enough

Of being me

I'm just a burden

At least some people think so

I'm one of those people

I told them that everything is better

But I lied

I told them

That I haven't hurt myself lately

But I have

Small cuts on my thighs

Not enough to stand out,

Just enough to bleed

Just enough to feel the pain I know I deserve

As I close my eyes for the last time

I think about how I got here

They are going to think that it was me

But

Truth is,

It's not me

It's the pills
Poem about you
                                                             ­                               Poem about me
Poem about her
                                                             ­                               Poem about him
Poem about death
                                                           ­                                 Poem about life
Poem about relationships
                                                   ­                      Poem about broken hearts



I think I see a pattern
                                                         ­                But I'm sure you see it too
I am from a broken home,
Though it never felt fractured
I am from smiling faces, and sad hearts.
I am from classical music and tough boys,
Always finding things to break
I am from loud people, stubborn with opinions.
I am from piles of autumn leaves,
Jumping in with little hands and little feet
I am from rivers full of living things, and rope swings.
I am from multiple houses,
Always filled with laughing children
I am from gravel roads, and one way streets.
I am from mud pies,
Made with love from little girls
I am of potions, made of grass and glitter.
I am from multiple siblings,
Though I am an only child
I am of the willow tree, healing and holy.
I am from the space between loving arms,
Where I ran when frightened
I am from gravel roads, and one way streets.
I am from a thicket of flowers,
From which my name comes
I am of cold morning air, brisk in my lungs.
I am of leaves and dirt,
still and motionless in time and memory
I am from no light, but the starry sky.
I am of dancing feet,
that belong to the people of the waters that never still
I am of the moon, dark and calm.
I am from towns filled with people,
But not one soul who knew me
I am from gravel roads, and one way streets.
I am from laughter and courage,
Things I always want with me
I am from quiet early morning conversations.
I am from love and happiness,
Friends who will never leave my side
I am of the stars, from which the constellation I was born.
I am from things that no longer make sense,
Though they never did
I am from a wooden castle.
I am from myself,
The person I want to be
I am from hidden passageways.
I am from cold nights and bonfires,
My aunt was always the fun one
I am from gravel roads, and one way streets.
I am from crystal and earth,
Coarse as the wind flows
I am from sacred towers.
I am from the sea,
Deep and always flowing
I am from nothing.
I am from sad things and shoe strings,
That intertwine as one
I am from the little things.
I am from brittle glass and scorched earth,
Once renewed are beautiful
I am from a dying tree.
I am from old towns,
No longer filled with people
I am from gravel roads and one way streets.
I am from closed doors,
Though new ones always open
I am from life itself.
I wrote this in a creative writing class but I love it.
at the point of entry (explicit)

it does not strike me strange
at the point of entry
when the heightened senses and the dark subconscious merge

when the lust and the sweat intersect
with ego desire and self is everlasting everything
that the ***** words secretion is sticky on my tongue

when I pant poems born in rawness and tears
on this the last day of the year
and eyes closed see visions extraordinaire
and the Maker whispers in both ears see!

it is the see of what is me,
it is the point of entry and departure,
one and the same,
conception an immaculate mess,
the emptying and the fulfilling, when unkempt promises
are born free flowing and semi-truths transform into
actualities unforeseen and my child cells of new poems
are injected, stored, awaiting the birthright
and the death of publication,
my moment of privileged perfection passes
and frowns and smiles are
one and the same, silken thread wove open and shut

the precision precious circumcising of flesh and soul departing

the utter collapse from within, the drowning in the amniotic,
rebirthing rebutting my denying that I have no more to give

I believe I belong to you for it is what the desire firing cylinders
say repeatedly in the union of the up and the down cycle:

come, come inside me,
I am the pleasure
you are the treasure
in one cup measured
conjoined container
when the point of entry is the point of departure
and with eyes closed from satisfaction and prayer
I see everything all at the same time, uttering:

I am undone utterly and the difference between
the end and the beginning can be seen only
at the millisecond long seven decade coming
point of entry

12/31/17 5:38am dawn dying and new day mourning
explicit point of entry 12/31 nml
You're crashin' into me like waves on the coast..
Its hard not to notice..
Its hard not to be swept up..
Every time we talk, you move in close
I don't want you stop..
I feel myself become so guarded..
But its hard not to be swept up...
We've got the last two glasses in this small dive bar..
Tryin' to remember where we are..
String of white christmas lights making your eyes shine tonight...

We're buzzing like that no vacancy sign out front...
Your presence is nothing short of electric...
I'm getting scared now..
As you take my hand in yours..
you lean in and...
Your lips taste like a whiskey day dream...

Happy drunks pass us down the hallway...
We fall against the door, we fall into a wild, hot, warm, kiss...

My body fights it but I just can't enough...
You've awakened something long...
I have forgot..
To afraid to feel..
With a heart that has long forgotten how to feel...

My head is spinning trying to figure out what's right...
Do I hold on to an old love thats been holding me down...
I can't seem to let go...
But your nowhere in sight...

Santa came early this year..
He brought me you...
He brought me Christmas..
 Dec 2017 xmelancholix
Blake
Lies
 Dec 2017 xmelancholix
Blake
Your lies lured me in

They sounded sickly sweet

If only they were true

Maybe I would've stayed longer

Maybe I would never have walked away

Maybe we would still be together

But your lies stopped

I was no longer beautiful

I needed to lose weight

I was no longer your girl

I was your responsibility

I was no longer worthy of your love

I was only worthy of the truth

The painful painful truth

But no matter how painful it was,

I stayed

And I listened

Until one day you lied again

I finally saw through the facade of your lies

I no longer held onto the notion that I was nothing

I became myself again, well as much of myself that I could

I left you and never looked back

You called and texted, but I never answered

I finally had you out of my life

And I was going to be free

Until I wasn't

You showed up again

You sweet talked me into believing you again

This time it went too far

I believed you a little too much

So much that I'm now six feet under

In a way that's a good thing

It means that I don't have to hear your sweet lies ever again.
I walked alone down my road of broken pieces and I felt stable.
You joined my side and things were just a bit warmer.
I saw you lurch toward the abyss, and I tried to catch you.
You came back, shaken and scared, but still safe.
I held you, afraid to lose you, who meant so much to me.
But the abyss called you, and there was nothing that I could do.

I walk alone down my road of broken pieces and I am empty.
My sides are cold with the wind, howling through my thoughts.
I stumble toward the abyss, and there’s no one to catch me.
I make no sound, but I fall away from everything that once was.
I spread my arms, glad to leave nothing behind.
A blank space or missing part
I stalked our horoscopes;
I deciphered the coffee grounds.
I even took the time piecing
the broken mirror back together
to read between the cracks,
in hopes I'd receive a sign.

The Universe told me to
stop searching the unknown
for answers I already know.
My coffee grounds suggested
that I needed to sleep, and
the shattered mirror crooned:
"Put yourself back together
before you try to mend another."
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