i hope my words scrape your throat when you say them to yourself. i hope you read this aloud just to see, reading and feeling them stick in your teeth, reading and wondering whether the pit in your stomach will ever cease, if you will ever kiss someone with ease, wondering if trembling fingers means death or just a life of unease, sitting and trembling and feeling darkness like a weight rolling around in your knees, reading words that scrape and stick in the pits of your favorite tees, rolling around with the grease and the laziness you need to never wash the pits of your favorite tees.

I have disabled myself,
Thinking about you.
Forty three self induced bruises
to the head, to the head
Forty five, forty six

I got that vibe,
That feeling from you.
I start my appointment
At eight thirty two,
Thirty three, thirty four.

Forty eight, forty nine.

It is not the cure
That will help this,
But only you.
Thirty five, thirty six.

Fifty two, fifty three.

So I try to get you
Out of my head...

Fifty two, fifty three.
So that I can be free.

I have disabled myself
Thinking about you,
But now that I am free,
I don't know what to do.

you, my love are a work of art. a modern masterpiece. i look at you, and i can’t believe someone like you ever loved someone like me.

my love, you are softness personified. your eyes, your hands, your smile, your mouth, your eyelashes. but over all of that is the way you care. you act like you don’t, but with me? you always care so so much. i love that.

when i’m with you i feel so many different things at once, like:
at ease
in love
blissful
happy
loved
important
beautiful
and so very soft

you make me feel so soft and pure. like i am painted in one singular, elaborate, brush stroke. like i was sculpted from clay. like i was made from the crack in god’s ribs. like i was born from a quiet thunder and the tentative pitter-patter of summer rain. like the trees whispered me until i emerged from the soil. like i am a moment in a beautiful infinity.

i saw a brighter light alongside an endless colour palette and a supernatural glow when we first met. i saw it as a sign.

i love how much you’ve trusted me. from day one.

how on our first date, i learned so much about you. how i wanted to give you my everything from that moment on. how i knew. for once i knew.

i love that i made you better. that i brightened your life. that i am your best friend and that you ******* love me.

my love, if i had only one wish, i’d wish for us. i’d wish to be bright with you for as long as any star burning in the sky.

you, my love, are such a ******* galaxy. and i want nothing more than to be one of your stars. or a planet. or if you’d let me, a solar system. i just long to be a part of you the way that you are all of the good parts inside of me.