I don't understand death
never been able to
raised on hope and fantasy stories
second chances,
just turn the page
try again, there must be away
no one's every really gone
what a harsh metallic taste
to close the book
to know there's nothing else
that gone is gone
and that's it

I wonder what you see me in
if you look for me.
do you see me in the places we've been,
in the spaces I took up
do you see me in the blue hues of the world,
like you used to?
I wish I could pry your mind open, fingers greedy
just so I could see what you associate with me
if anything at all

maybe the worst part is
that I've let them all down again
my cat sits patiently by the door
waiting for you to walk through it
my mother beamed and gushed
about how happy she was for me,
"Finally!"
maybe we got too ahead of ourselves
and believed in each other too much
taking the world with us on the way up
and then too when we came crashing down

good friends will give you pens
and let you cry about the same thing
over and over
like it's the first time they've heard it

even if you can feel it
you never know
when it will be the last time
when it will end
not really
kiss them a second longer
linger in the doorway
look back and wave
love with all you have
whenever you can
you never know

in the way a little bird collects
sticks and shiny things
I've been collecting anything I see
that might make you smile
I love to think that I could be,
even in a small way,
part of your joy
sneaking my love to you between chirps
stick by stick

I communicate through songs and poems,
gestures and strings and keys and underlines
fewer words, rather melodies to follow
articulating my thoughts
better than I ever could