Be friendly with the fire
Light a bonfire for warmth
Pain and agony burning away
Leaving you with ashes of past
Blow them away with winds
They will carry your pain away
Be a torchbearer and show the way

We were told to expect snow
Snow, again.
Greeted by crisp hope and freezing air
We waited…
Dogs sniffed the air and each other
Hawks sat and wrapped themselves in feathered shawls
Discreet expectations
Anticipations of broken routines that might
Hold us captive to our homes
Caressed by comforting teas and naughty cakes

It didn’t snow.
Still, we stayed
Home
Held the dogs
Surrendered to self-imposed captivity

"Sometimes I want to kiss you and sometimes I want to **** you"
Your texts run through my mind
Over and
Over and
Over and over and
Over and
stop, please just make the voices stop
"I really like you like a lot like sometimes too much"
how the hell can you say
something like that and then decide
to ignore me barely
Two hours later
I don't understand
I'm sorry
I love you
Come back
I need you
I'm lying
You said you hated me
You were lying
*******
I can't think straight anymore
And all of this is your fault
But it's partly
my fault, too
Because I knew I was falling
For a disaster waiting to happen
From the moment I met you
But I decided to let myself fall
Anyways
Even though they all told me
What a **** you were
How you would end up hurting me
And I didn't listen
Because there were times
Past midnight when you became so
Vulnerable, almost like you lay
Your guard down and let me in
I told myself you would never
Fall for a girl like me
We were just friends
But just friends don't do the things
that we did
They don't hold on tight to each other every time they hug, as if
That hug will be their last
They don't sing to each other
They don't harmlessly tease each other
Hell, they don't even *look
at each other
The way that we did
I looked at you
Like you were my everything
And you looked at me
Like I was something precious,
That needed to be protected
If only I could've realized it then
I should've realized that you loved me
From how badly you wanted to help me
From how you cried when I etched punishments into my skin
From how you would casually touch me, whenever you could
You would lazily wrap an arm around me, keeping me close.
you put me through so much hell
I shouldn't be thinking about you
in this way
I shouldn't be thinking about
your body
Or our late night facetimes
Or what your lips would taste like
Pressed against mine
I should hate you right now. So much.
But I can't
I can't.