Laying curled up trying to think of nothing.
Ipod playing music unheard.
The wall comes in and out of focus. Stare too long and you see new things.
You don't really want to feel like this, but you can't seem to feel any other way.
Is it worth it to surrender your emotions?
Everyone's got to start somewhere.

First drops outside barely noticed. Second drops splash harder.
Door thrown open. Shoes fly off, bounce and roll on the floor.
Bare feet smack wood. Jump. Now dirt, now grass. Running.
Cool drops on skin turn to stings not felt. Arms raised.
Spinning. Jumping. Laughing.
18 years of life fade as she forgets the world.
Dancing to a song only heard in her head. Calm now. Rain stops.
Walk home splashing in puddles along the way. Hair askew, clothes dripping.
Smiling as the sun graces the world again. This is care free happiness.
To not think about troubles of life and to just enjoy life itself.

A year into our marriage he said he wanted out. I said no I'm not giving up.

Society tells us "Do what makes you happy." We are a nation of quitters. It's ok to quite at the slightest inconvenience, "It's just not for you, that's ok."

No it's not ok.

A small part of me wanted out too but I'm not a quitter and I serve Christ before man. Selfishness was the main problem. I had it all figured out on what my husband needed to do to change and make things better. God showed me trying to fix him was only going to make it worse.

I needed to change, I needed to have the unconditional love for my husband that Christ has for us. Forgiveness and mercy needed to become part of my daily vocabulary. So many nights I cried myself to sleep alone. I could have chosen to hate him and lash back at him. What good would it have done me?

God had me humble myself. God alone is the judge of man. Who am I to judge anyone? As long as I am right with God I am protected and loved. God's love is greater than any man.

Then something major happened to my husband that could have torn us apart if I had been focused on doing what was right in my eyes. Instead I took the opportunity to reach out to him, to love him at his lowest.

If I had been playing by the worlds rules I should have kicked him while he was down. Even after all he had put me through I had a deep love for him that reached a spiritual level. God brought us together and rekindled a love that had been trampled on and forgotten.

Let God's love lead you. 'The opposite of biblical love isn't hate, its apathy. To stop moving toward our spouse is to stop loving him or her. It's holding back from the very purpose of marriage.'

1 Corinthians 13:17- Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 3:19a- For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.

Romans 2:7-8- To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, He will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil,there will be wrath and anger.

James 4:12- God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?

Tired of talking. Always talking.
Do you understand the potential of silence?
Leave me alone for awhile and you may get your answers.
Stop trying to help me.
I don't want to rely on human help anymore. It just ends in more problems.
Yes I know ignoring the problem doesn't work, but it sure is easier.
Why do we fall? To learn to pick ourselves up again.
Well can I just lay here awhile? The sky is beautiful.
Enjoy it and falling isn't that hard anymore.
And when I'm ready, I know there is One who will lift me up again.

I don't want to be a part of your world.
Full of poseurs and flirts.
Relationships mean nothing. Thrown away at the slightest inconvenience.

Full of drama and backstabbing. It doesn't matter in the end.

And honestly I feel sorry for you. I don't envy the day you wake up to the real world.
Enjoy your life while you can. When you finally realize, please don't waste time on regret.
Move on and make the best out of this mess you call life.

Time slows, silent water bullets plunge down
Bullets of regret, shame and selfishness
Piercing air. Explosions release the pain
Quiet puddles. Mixture of water,salt and dirt
Forgiveness comes next. By God and self
Tears fall to the floor. So does regret and shame
Most of all unforgiveness falls. Whispering. Be free my child

Run.
You run and I run with you.
We run together not caring whats behind us. Though it cares about us.
Just run, to be free is to be with you.
But shouldn't it be the other way around?
How do we know our priorities aren't messed up?
Doubt waves a lazy hello as we run. I grasp your hand and run harder.
I'm with you and that's all that matters.
Head strong to take on anyone.
To be with you is to be free.