a child
So small and fragile
So innocent and strong
So delicate and alive
So wanting to belong

you*
So cold and unforgiving
So weak and towering
So uninhibited and fumbling
So dead and crumbling

You turned the child into you
You made **** sure of that
You turned the child against the world
You made its foundation crack

The child wanted to breathe
The child wanted to laugh
The child needed love
The child got none back

M*  *is for the way you made me miss out on my childhood
O  is for how ostracized you made me feel in my own skin
T  is for the the times you thought I was an adult when I was still a child
H  is for the hours I stood up waiting for you to come home
E  is for the empty feeling you left in my heart
R  *is for the mutual resentment we carry

You tell me that you're my best friend
You've come to that conclusion on your own
Without asking me how I felt
About you presuming you know me so well
You don't know half of me
Believe me, I'll never tell

We talk about our past
Our future
Our present
You say "you turned out okay"
I'm glad I come off that way
But honestly my dear,
You don't know

You don't know about my storms
You don't know about my darkness
You don't know about my climb
You don't know about my descend

********* if you think you're my best friend

You were supposed to protect me
Your little girl
Your little angel
Your only child

You might've loved me
At one time
I think you ended up resenting me
But that's fine

Subjected to your selfish tirades
Put through your gruesome facades
Held up on a pedestal
Only to be pushed down
Your once endearing smile
Now causes me to frown

Everytime the bottle went up
My heart sank down
I begged you
I pleaded you
You weren't there
Not even when I needed you

Sure, you were physically there
But mentally, you were so unaware
Or maybe you were
And just didn't care

You got in your car
Went out for smokes
You were hazy
And at this point, I went crazy
Who were you to risk a life?
Not your own
But maybe somebody's wife?
Somebody's husband?
Somebody's kid?

You don't even care about your own
And I don't think you ever did

You're that comfortable feeling on a silent, cold winter night
But the most we've ever come in contact was a hand shake good night
I know it's not right
And it's definitely not fair
How I wish I could say that I don't even care

You encouraged me to better myself
And that's the most thoughtful thing
How sad is it that we can't be something?

01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself