i stood outside in the rain
and felt the water collide with my face wondering if i was the only one
who had felt like this or if it was
just the cold from my wet clothes
slowly creeping in

was the feeling my empty chest
which carried the echoed thumps
of my heart or was it just the chilling
of my bones from landing in one
too many puddles

i read poetry until the dawn broke the sky
and like the sun waking up
i kissed the darkness goodbye
and welcomed the blue bird’s song
greeting the warm rays of a new day

but like the day it was only temporary
and i felt the cool pull from the moon’s glow
tugging me back into my empty bed
writing poetry until the light from the morning
shown brighter than my phone screen

sadness only settles into my skin
after i am done tearing at it with guilty teeth
remembering what it felt like to sink into
that special spot at the
junction point of your shoulders

i spend countless hours biting my nails
to short stubs because i don’t want
to remember them tracing
the freckles on your back as if i
were painting constellations on your flesh

i look at photos in my phone
only deleting them when the substance in
my lungs is strong enough to subdue
the aching in my chest as i remember
the happiness and the love that we held

i make hot tea once it hits 4
with the salted tears that fall down
my cheeks because i can’t get up
without falling to my knees in a silent
prayer that you’ll come back to me

and when the sun comes back up
and awakes the restless city
i welcome it with open arms in hopes
that today will actually be a new day
and that it’ll end when it leaves

waiting waiting waiting
at your front door
call me sweetheart
i’ve heard it before

wondering wondering wondering
if you’ll answer or not
but a blank stare
was all that i got

hoping hoping hoping
this was just a bad day
“i just don’t feel well”
is all you would say

knowing knowing knowing
that this is the end
your eyes are saying everything
that you could not send

but i’m done waiting
and i’m done wondering
and i’m done hoping
because i know

that nothing i could do
and nothing i could say
would stop you from leaving
when you didn’t want to stay

i wasn’t born to create
tear stains in my pillow at night.

i was born to draw
blood from bone

and she stood with
shaking knees
and held out her
bloodied hands

they were quivering
with pain
and her cheeks were
tear stained

but she felt her
shattered heart
beat to life
once more

and she knew she would
endure it
as long as he got
to live