Stone forest of forgotten names

I look past my reflection in the mirror;
whale-sized thighs, and
arms too big for the oceans
rain pours down like sharp daggers
into my flesh, and I’m tired
teeth hurt, and I’m tired
heart pounding, and I’m tired
my mermaid waves leave my head like
an old porcelain doll, dying
and I’m tired
I teach my body how to stop needing,
in with the calories, and I’m tired
out with the calories, and I’m really tired
silent screams echo at the fake reflection
that stares blindly through the broken
mirrors
**** me up, I’m seeing stars tonight
bones aching, and I’m smiling
bullets to the head, and I’m smiling
painstakingly dancing through the night
till I’m void of nothing,
they say empty is beautiful, and I want
so dearly to feel beautiful
calories scattered on the floor, like the
those scattered thoughts of everything
I used to be
and everything I am now
scatterbrain, tell me how you feel
when your insides are void of
self-love
you eat hatred for breakfast
and spit self-pity into your toilet
tell me again, silly girl,
do you feel beautiful now?

I thought the world was big enough for me;
palms that hold the ocean together so
it doesn’t escape between locked fingers,
loveless wrists that drown in the abyss where
I occupy this space that isn’t mine.

I need to be less than I am to fit in between
bars,
so I can escape the prisons of this gruesome insanity
darling, stitch my bones together before
I collapse into scattered pieces
take away from the numbers and make them smaller
like my throbbing heart
and hide those starless veins where there’s no breath
and don’t forget to make a fortress out of my dying skin
for the birds no longer sing on delicate silk sheets

Her skin is soft, her voice smooth
Oh god...I've been touched by an angel
She glows white, her face shines
Her eyes have hypnotized mine
She makes my mind clouded like her bedroom
Oh god...she moves like a queen
Her laughs like gentle raindrops on concrete
Her lips look like heaven, but I'm trapped in hell

My love doesn't love me anymore.
She says my kisses she abhors.
And living with me is a heinous chore.
To stay here... She'd rather be a street *****.
Throwing her wedding ring on the floor.
If she ever had to touch me again,
It would be to **** me she swore.
As she set fire to the wedding dress she wore.
"I hope you choke to death while you snore!"
"I hate you right down to your core!"
"You're such a hideous eyesore!"
"Grrr! The wasted yore!"
"Touch me, nevermore!"

There is a fact I can't ignore.
She wishes for me to leave,
it doesn't matter which door...
My love doesn't love me anymore.

Part I
I'm too tired to stand on my own
Without your hand on my waist
I fall and break
I'm too small to sleep alone
Without your breath on my neck
My dreams will never come
I'm too fragile to love you

Part II
I had a dream last night
You said you'd save me
From the darkness I was residing
I waited an eternity, my whole life
And I never saw the headlights of your car through the window
The seams on my curtains
Look like the cuts on my body
Bleeding into flowers
I'd bleed you a whole bouquet
If it took your pain away