me: i hate the words "i miss you"
him: why?
me: because it means that you were
        gone in the first place.
him: ...
him: i love the words "i miss you"
me: why?
him: because it means that you love
         me even when i'm not there

Numb* from the *Memories
Memories of pain
Memories of sorrow
Memories of regret

Numb from Society
A Society of conformists
A Society of insecurity
A Society of restlessness

Numb from Love
Deceitful love
Temporary love
Inadequate love

Numb from *You

We could have been better- if you chose me than her.
We could have been stronger- if you chose to hold on.
We could have been happier- if you loved me forever.

But,

You had the best.

Darkness, Darkness,
Everywhere.
Do I feel alone?
The thought of you in my mind,
Forget the hands around my throat,
Choking me,
Silently,
Without a sound.
I am shutting down..
From the lack of oxygen.
My vision blurs,
My hearing goes out,
My feeling starts to numb,
My lungs collapse,
And I stop breathing.
Shadows surround me.
Darkness, Darkness,
Everywhere.
Do I feel alone?
I am suffocating,
Hands around my throat,
Choking me,
The thought of you still in my mind,
Pain fades,
I wandered blindly,
I stumbled and fell,
Then I realized,
That I didn’t catch myself.
That the hands,
Around my throat,
Choking me,
Suffocating me,
Killing me,
Were my own.
Darkness, Darkness,
Everywhere.
I feel alone.
Hands around my throat,
So I let go,
Forgetting you for just a moment,
And Finally,
         I Began To
           Breathe..

i've reverted back to the days when
i held a permanent position
in between the arms of an
ugly, paisley patterned easy chair.

i played a game of hide and seek--
hiding from feelings, sought only by others
to prove that i had some semblance of humanity
lurking behind my blank eyes.

those days were dark, angry
as they ate me up, gathering every drop
of my existence like a sponge

fast forward: i'm far away and
mom says the chair is gone.
what should have felt like anguish
feels like nothing.

all the feelings are in the chair
like coins hidden in the couch cushions,
gone before we recognized their existence.

i've reverted back to the days when
i held a permanent position
in between the arms of an
ugly, paisley patterned easy chair,

but now the chair is gone
and i am left to soak up the feelings.

I have an intimate relationship with
Pain

Pain is...
Being able to imagine a future with him
Someone who will never love you.

Pain is...
Loneliness
Sadness
Being overlooked
Wishing for the impossible
Seeing everyone run from you.

Pain is spirit breaking,
Tear jerking torment.

That's what pain is.