"Beautiful"

One word and just like that
I am broken into two

Do not call me something so wondrous
If you feel anything less than love for me

Do not use such a heart-warming word
If you do not mean it with every bit
Of your soul

Do not call me that
Unless you have held me
Kissed me
And declared
That we will always be.

There's something about him.
There's something about the way he talks in his baritone voice.
The words just glide off his tongue like melted caramel,
Smooth and silky falling into ribbons of sentences and stories.


There's something about the way he looks at me.
He just glances so slightly toward me, but he doesn't smile.
He looks straight into my eyes, which I've never been able to.
It's like he's staring at my soul, analyzing it for a brief moment, then turns away.


There's something about the way he touches me,
As if he has a purpose for it.
It can be gentle, a touch to my thigh.
Sometimes it'll be a firm grasp of my hand,
To tell me all is alright.
But there's the touch when he pulls me in close and caresses my face.
When he gently traces my jaw,
And his fingers follow back to my ears.
Then he carefully pulls me up towards him,
and he comes down to touch me once more.


There's something about the way he gently kisses my face and pulls me into an entirely new world.
In that world all I see my is him and me,
And that is where I want to be.

How can I call this my home,
When all I feel here is alone.
I am the maid, the cleaner,
Your vacuum, your partner?
How can I say I am content,
When 24/7 my effort is spent.
I can't, I am drowning,
Water of life is surrounding,
And down I am heading,
Into darkness unwedding.
God forbid they find out,
Silent screams and shouts,
As I slowly fall into my own web of doubts.
How can I fly,
Reach my dreams, and the sky,
When this land isn't dry.
Much like my eyes.
I fall, I descend,
Shadows my only friend.
And nobody knows,
Outside does it show?
That inside,
I'm on the bottom of the ocean...
*Of my own mind.

one day a few years from now
you'll remember her and how
you loved each other genuinely,
passionately

the both of you were so crazy in love and a few years from now,
when you think you've forgotten about all of that -

about the way her fingers curled around your own without hesitation,
how when you told her jokes she erupted into a belly full of contagious laughter, her smile splitting her face in two like an equator,
how when you slept, she'd reach across the bed for you, mumble your name until you kissed her back to sleep,
how that day it rained so hard the streets flooded, she pulled you outside just to makeout on the grass, you both were soaked to the bone in seconds, thunder shaking the ground so hard you felt it roaring through your spine, electrifying.
how although she was absolutely insane,
she was gentle.

she was soft and small; strong; powerful. when the world upset her she shrank into a fraction of herself,
exposed, raw, vulnerable.

she was real, and what the two of you had was real; it was real and it mattered and it was important,
but years from now when you remember all of this,
it will be 4 A.M.

you happened, you loved that storm of a girl heavy and hard and it changed both of your worlds for the better, it won't ever be the same,
you'll find yourself looking for parts of her in everyone you meet -
subconsciously comparing the softness of her lips and the weight of her heart in your hands to every new girl that comes your way,
only to walk away feeling even emptier than before.

she is the tangible definition of irreplaceable. the fact of the matter is that the tree of her memory bears the branches of truth, and the truth is that none of this will matter.

years later, when you remember all of this,
it will already be too late.

Who would have ever thought, blue
Light, struck and soft
For me, almost falling off.
But with you, fire.
The perfect alignment.
Desire, stirring behind closed
Doors, opening and closing nearly
More time is put between,
The lines, map out our destination,
To the place we will
Go, ending frustration.
But are you for me?
That, I may never know.