Loving you was the hardest thing to do
Yet I knew I loved you when we met
CB Radio we connected, back then there was no net
1 9 for a copy, and you kicked me back on that

Every opportunity we had, we'd stay up and chat
Even fell asleep whilst listening to you, but never wanted to let go that mike
Didn't think you d really like me, but I remember you for your spike
Think you said I walked funny, then I said its cause I stand tall

Yet each year we were together, you helped me build a bigger brick wall
No longer did I stand tall, as I stooped my head in pain
Each time you left me hurting, I swore It was the last and then

I found out I was pregnant, my baby number two
As you walked out the door, I told you, felt the right thing to do
You said that I was saying this just to keep you by my side
Even though you knew within yourself I had your baby inside

The years they passed, I played happy families, yet inside was in despair
Wanted to run and leave behind the memories that harboured there
Yet I felt I could not live without you, for our family we were four
You tore a bit of me each time you packed and walk out the door

You blamed my depression, yet you help to make it hard
Each time I tried to find help, you'd deal me a dirtier card
Yes, we were very young, yet we lasted 13 years
I even married after ten, even though I was in tears

I never wanted to marry you, I done it for the boys
Wanted a family so bad, yet was the boys who gave me more joys
You never played the dad I wished, was me who played the ball
One day I started to feel stronger, then popped up another brick wall

I realised I was never in love with you, merely holding onto dreams
But I never dreamt this pain, lies and deception, you tore me from the seams
I broke away from you, my fear was my kids minds
You even tried to confuse them, you really were not kind

I built up my own little haven, to keep my boys so safe
A mortgage on minimum wage, from you, a help, yes I did keep faith
Yet you gave me pittance to help to bring them up with needs
Your selfishness and greediness, I swore would never breed

I brought them up realising that things they must earned
Trying hard to make them appreciate, but this had already been learned
They both truly surprised me, they had grown up really quick
As I whispered to them gently, be children, as a lollipop they did lick

We laughed, we cried, we loved, but mostly we all matured in different ways
Isn't it amazing how Karma, in life does play
Happiness lives in our house, no regrets, no looking back
For now I see with me and the boys, we were always top of the pack.

As a child I did not want my life, because of the pain it gave so raw
I embraced the place of fantasy, and with pencils I would draw
A life I wanted to live in, was so far from what was real
Yet I was told this is your life, turn the cards, it is your deal

As times went on it never changed, yet I managed to survive
I can look back and smile to say, how glad I am, I am alive
It is hard to know, when the turning point did come
But it doesn't really matter, even though at times I feel alone

My life it has changed, in oh so many ways
I no longer count the hours, of those deep depressing days
I just know that I have a future, one which I could never see
I just know that I am happy, to find the "real" in me

Many people have passed through, and I can still feel quite alone
But it doesn't really matter, It doesn't pain me to the bone
I have been presented with new faces, as old one's they stay with me
Its the ever evolving journey, and I know happy I will be

We all have a turning point, in fact we have many in our time
Never close your doors, be open and you will be fine
People they will like you, they may even give you love
I just know my life is turning, as I am free, like a dove

© Jay Taylor (Gautier)