So you've been doing well and you're engaged,
so nice. "Happy for you" doesn't begin to explain
the feeling I've been taking to bed every night.
When I get sad over life and
look at pictures of slit wrists,
I let the memories flood in.
Shuffling to our room in midday
dead set on apologies.
Finding you stretched out and half dead.
Finding you stretched out and half dead,
you said,
"You did this to me."

I bet I'd be better off if I'd left with my cigarettes
But as it stands I can wish you well,
and for your husband the same hell,
to reach the soul you never had.
I hope he's happy in laughter like me,
when I meet you in dreams.
I am not humble in memory.

It's funny because it's not on me
It's funny you get so ruffled
It's funny 'cause I'm in no trouble
Thanks to public conditioning
globally expressed,
I just wait, because you'll settle for ****
And if I don't change and don't get my way
It's okay -- it's all your fault.
It's okay -- you're the one in debt
And I'm not called to explain my attempts in vain
It's all your fault
It's funny because it's not on me
It's funny how you get so ruffled
It's funny 'cause I'm in no trouble
Except for the threat of death
Except for losing X amount of friends
Except for lack of alliances
In any defense

clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

Half in dark, hiding out,
back against a wall,
any one, will do for me,
all I seek in dreams.
Here before, here again,
remnants strewn about,
between the door and me,
shine under the moon.
I'm to blame, prophecies
rolling in with rain,
hold me tightly in sleep
Loneliness, a poem that,
written by my own hand,
paints bridges with glitter mixed
up with broken glass.

Terror turns its wheel in your stomach with fried rice,
while again the streaming stops as your computer checks
are you just sleeping or dead?
I've had it up to here
with high speed
I get sick, the faster
that I eat --
I have an ego
and toilet to feed with refuse
So fearful, we, of death
push for prevention, instead,
accelerate.
accelerate
accelerate
x, x, x, x, x

Is there yet able faith here?
Or is time too much to bear?
Hang a clock in the living room
and remove another guest
Hear no pure walls speaking silence
Only hand clicks
filling the little room left
Every ****, every drink mixed
Every ****, every line
Every death, every heartthrob
leads right to the end
Whittling soft skin
from your memories
from your projections

When I die I'll hear the wall clocks
leading me through blind passages to you
and the others, using the timing
to jump back in.

You remove the words from my mouth
treating me like a fountain spring
(insert laughter)
when you're dry and searching for life
only if, and otherwise I'm off
Your precious utility
darkly in your canteen
You remove my words as if you're due
mitigation for free

I won't be left alone
within your arm's reach
If that's what you want,
how bout I pull open my wounds?
To let all the bees out?
How bout I twist on your wrist?
To show you I've got poison
to take, if you've nothing to give.