For Mom:
(b. 1925; d.2016)*

She held on to the sunlight
longer than anyone thought.
Palms swayed as she breathed
in all her strength,
all her power
until it all calmed
peacefully,
serenely.
Night cooled
as barren
descends, now
a dark that sings no stars
or sweet songs of life.
Her last breath
carried by crows
brushed across my cheek quietly
as I did not get to her in time.

As my sorrow fingered with my heart,
I saw the hungry abyss descend with her smile,
Still I heard in her whisper,
“do not mourn for me,
like our ancestors before,
I have found the balance
in natural tones;
in the music of stars
and in the songs playing
on Owl’s wings.
Do not mourn for me, my loves
I am alive still in the flow of worlds.”

There is a weight
taller than Denali;
heavier than Big Mountain;
I carry it with me
in my back pack
next to my jeans and dreams
as I follow her tracks,
smiling with her life.

Aztec Warrior/redzone  12.29.16

For all of you who "liked" and or commented on this poem I thank you from the bottom of my heart... your words are a comfort to me and my dad (I showed him the comments)... you have touched us deeply... I hope all of you the best...

And Nagi, you are wonderful in your kindness and a special thanks for shinning a "light" on this poem....

Curt

Let’s all just take a minute
To shut the hell up
And talk about our feelings
Come on you know you wanna
Let’s talk about them one by one
Let’s talk about them you know it'll be fun

Feel the warmth on your face,
Discover your breathing space.
Lose yourself and escape,
For you are unique in the first place.
Welcome happiness's embrace

Let’s talk about happiness
You might think it’s the best
But it’s just a pest
Because more or less
It just makes me feel stressed

Everything blurs together,
All in your displeasure.
Alone, you're angered in life's adventure.
Take a breath if the balmy zephyr.
One step at a time, tackle your aggressor

Let’s talk about feeling angry
When it’s here everything just seems to annoy me
I just want people to go away because there’s no one I want to see
This feeling doesn’t do things peacefully
This feeling it doesn’t need to be free
So let’s lock it up and throw away the key

Down we go,
Into sadness's plateau.
Tears are welcome to get you through the long tow.
Hide yourself from the status quo.
Someday I know you will tread in life's game show.

Let’s talk about feeling sad
You might not think it’s rad
But sometimes the feeling isn’t half bad
It sure beats feeling mad
But with sadness there isn’t much fun to be had

Suicide undoubtably swallows my family whole...
Wether it's failed attempts or successful memories
It consumes us.
Well, me anyways,
and whatever "family" I have left.
By suicide,
I don't necessarily mean death.
Drugs eating the brain,
Alcohol stealing life...
And then,
Literal suicide-death.
When my brains trails off to this action,
I let its leash go and it runs wild,
Going through different scenarios and planning my lonely funeral.
Jumping through hoops and falling off the cliff of sanity,
I can't capture my mind again without the help off medical candy.
When my mind's ******* again,
I open my eyes to reality of
White walls and crazed people surrounding me,
Locked in mental institution yet again...

you were thunder and i was the ocean,
i wrote poetry about forest fires,
you said i tasted like detergent and
blue roses, i keep asking the shooting stars
to explode but they won’t leave without
the moonlight, it’s been four years since
you said i tasted like the universe
wild, dark, out of control and
free to do
whatever i want

Eating less and less,
exercising with no rest,
is this happiness?

I don't want you to look me in the eyes because I can't look myself in them.
I get lost in my own searching for something but I can never find anything.  
I don't want you to get lost.
I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that you can't find your way back.