I have these ghosts haunting the corridors of my mind
When I focus hard enough
I swear I can still hear expired words
And see them turn corners they once had with permanent smiles.

I walk by all the places where our memories were created,
I still dream of our last kiss and that memory leaves me haunted,
Even though my friends tell me you ask about me all the time,
I still cry myself to sleep thinking about you and your eyes.

I always wish you were beside me telling me, its going to be alright
Because his touch doesn't make my skin feel alight.
I go to sleep beside him when I really want to be with you.
The words you wrote me still play in a loop inside my head,
The I Love You's you wrote are embedded in my brain

Sometimes I start to wonder if I made the right choice
I know what we had can never be a lie.

But I'm not fine at all

I remember the day I told you I was leaving,
I remember the tears pooling in your eyes,
When I walked away, you told me
"You promised you wouldn't run away"

I wish I could turn back time,
To work through all these stupid little things
I know that I don't want to forget you,
And all the happiness that you always bring.
Like the way our bodies fit perfectly,
And the memories I can never forget.

I'm not fine at all

The pictures that we took are still living on my wall...
I admit that I look at them every night before I bawl.
And all my friends keep asking why you're not around

Although it hurts to know you're happy with her and not me,
I still smile every time I see you laugh,
And I smile when you drum.
It's hard to be happy when I know that you've moved on

I wish I could tell you that I am never fine,
And that I haven't been since that night.

I'm really not fine at all.

I really wish this was a dream,
So when I wake up you'll be right next to me.
Hopefully this is just a dream ,
When I wake up I'll feel your hands wrapped around me.

We wanted the knowledge,
At the price of Eden
And where we are now?
Where is the freedom?

Chasing down cars,
And dreams we’ve been given
Will get us no further,
And out of this prison.

In all our lives,
We hardly find reason.
We can’t find a role,
We can't find the rhythm.

We had paradise,
Until we decide:
That’s not enough,
We’ll shoot for the stars.

We’re chasing that dream,
While chasing the lies,
Surrounded by adverts
That build up new gods.

it seems came her

adrift on mellow breezes
faintly scent o' strawberries

red dawn golden lashes  in rhythms
upon a meadow painted by
Emerson words and Van Gogh splashes

so lightly afoot
so not to spoil any of nature

listening
relaying

being
her.

Only a month and a half in,
but I'm already ready to say good bye
say farewell to anything and everything
the unpleasant memories
the hospital visits
the tragedies
the death
the despair
the darkness
the mistakes
the missed opportunities
and missing you...

I'm ready to start anew
pushing the past further and further away
repressing it all as far into their neat little boxes
even though life is way to messy for that.
This year has already taken so much out of me,
and I don't know if anything will be left.