Louisa Coller

Feb 2018

Wilfred Owen

[I saw his round mouth's crimson deepen as it fell],
Like a Sun, in his last deep hour;
Watched the magnificent recession of farewell,
Clouding, half gleam, half glower,
And a last splendour burn the heavens of his cheek.
And in his eyes
The cold stars lighting, very old and bleak,
In different skies.

(C) Wilfred Owen

Louisa Coller Feb 2018

Reminder

Red silk strips surround her eyes,
her mouth begins to tell more lies.

Blinded by love, ambition and lust,
the feminine figure is gullible to trust.

Horned figures lay in the dark,
they obtain your touch, but destroy your heart.

Blue concrete breaks and shout,
throwing tantrums all about.

Rainbows falling showing to care,
lie behind walls, just beginning to stare.

The full moon soars through the sky,
thinking they understand the world we pass by.

But you don't know, what you never even
tried to know.
You don't know what you
lied about knowing.
Don't try to act
like you know my wounds
when you held the knife
from the start.

#betrayal #upset #heartbreak #liars

Louisa Coller Feb 2018

Yellow

The storytelling poetic, symbolic and exotic,
the heartbeats of many ambitions follow.

The story touched hearts, brought people to dance,
a sunlit harmony of bodies.

The pain and the grieve written through their teeth,
laid there in public display.

For many dance to the romantic trance,
her pain and memories will stay.

This is actually a poem inspired by how much I currently am in love with the film 'La la land' and how many people most likely think I love it only for the romantic tropes, but in realistic viewpoints, I actually admire their characters individually much more.

Mia shows a lot of emotions in the regards to how I feel when I lose someone in my life and in a way I wanted to subtly replicate that emotion I feel in contrast to the romantic trope-following emotion of the masses. Sometimes, people genuinely like something more than what people would expect for.

#female #girl #feeling #interest

Louisa Coller Feb 2018

Bathroom.

Many people may be shocked when I say this,
but I spent my life in a bathroom.

I remember day one, they told me,
"Don't be insecure, get up and go".
I took a breath and asked politely;
"Please may I go?" as I skipped on my way.

But one day it didn't go my way,
in fact, it was a mess in more than one way.
I smiled politely as she shut me up tightly, so I sat there silently.
And away I went anyway, but with embarrassment all over me.

Whispers and ambitions as my small self-awaited, the birthday queen yet trapped the whole day, I stumbled and fell and stood in the stall, refusing to show my face, as the giddy giggles, the notes, and the scribbles were passed for two whole days.

Then the parties, the drunken states, the boy's lips, the lights and daze, the moment of freedom, yet trapped all the same.
I'd make my way to that very same place, standing and staring anticipating and glaring before violently sprinting away.

Then the moment that smashes you open, the moments that remind you of your emotionless moments, the one day you chose not to stay in the way was the one day death takes your place, he struts and glares down the way to enter a bathroom in joy.

But here I stare and wonder at what would happen if I came too.

But now I access a simple bathroom, anytime, any day any moment, but because of that day the one that I missed, she remains a memory and not a face.

It might sound weird, but I spent my life in a bathroom,
admiring the textures, the floors, the technical.
But if there was one thing I'd do,
trade every day for the one I wasn't.

#bathroom #death

Louisa Coller Feb 2018

Negative

They tell me to stop being so
negative
yet when I think about being
positive
it makes me even more
negative
so how come I can be
happy
but I can't be
sad
why is it acceptable to
smile
but not to
cry
why do we have to stay
strong
when there are moments we're
weak
and it's not realistically
bad
to feel
good
and
good
to feel
bad

They tell me to stop being so
negative
while they themselves are
negative
but little do they know that I find
positivity
in my
negativity

#positive #negative #happy #sad #moods

Louisa Coller Feb 2018

A Child's Mind

Ambitious but ridiculous,
are the first words to think of,
heartfelt ridicule emerges in.

A phrase, a saying from the ones they admire,
A fight or a lie left clouding up their innocent mind.

"I need to protect" is the instinct as they hold on tighter,
but how can a child protect something that wasn't even dying?

Innocence is replaced with fragments of imagination,
but bliss can never be replicated after concealed and pain felt fates.

Lessons and quotations,
stick inside their brain,
moments of dedication, are in droplets of rain.

Find your dreams, write them down inseams,
yet if you miss one thread of the stitching you can't simply,
're-sew' everything there, it has to stay the same,
creating this imperfect game which tortures their brain.

An adult's mind adapts to suffering, pain, and gore.
A child's mind reacts and begs to see no more.

#children #child #mind #mental #health #poetry

Louisa Coller Aug 2017

Spiralling.

Red streak within a void of complete despair,
my green eyes analyse almost everybody there.
I gaze upon a potential addiction while removing myself,
from the previous horrors I encountered with those eyes.

When I begin to speak words, I hope they help someone sorrowful,
when I myself was alone, I felt nothing but a void in my soul.
I rely heavily on the embrace of someone else,
which means I myself, am not someone to be admired for strength,
For I too obtain disgusting weaknesses encountered by humans morally.

When I look to myself through the words of anger, I come to realisation that every word I speak is spoken in exaggeration of a woman with issues.
Yet most of the time I can't even tell if I am a woman, girl or a male even at that,
But in a society where it doesn't matter, it almost makes me feel like I don't matter anyway.
A foolish thought to have when people see you raising out of a crowd, I'd agree,
however wherever you are in life, happiness is often defined by your feeling or brain.
My brain has decided years ago it mechanically would follow a path I didn't hope for,
yet here we are today and sometimes I wonder how I got this far.

When the people around me question or interrogate my feelings,
I suppose my emotions should feel a sense of relief yet critical thinking refuses to acknowledge this.
You can plaster me with your white lies of emotional affection,
however there is only so much white lies can do to heal a person.

It isn't about me in the end,
I live to remember those before me and those yet to come.
However, life to me is like a passive movie screen,
we watch, we distract and entertain and what happens at the end?
Who actually stays to watch the credits? Who stays... longer?

I almost envy those who are gifted with excessive amounts of time on the earth,
yet they deserve every element of happiness given with that extended time as those who live on,
are the ones who suffer the miserable of lives.

#depression #mental #health #life