knee-deep in forest,
a wellspring of
multi-colored liquid
joy, bubbling
in frothy
peaks
my inner eye open wide
at the sacred wonder
of it all
glory of divine
earth water fire
wind in my soul
sunlit scarlet on
leafveins in this
garden feast of the senses
If heaven were imprinted
upon the runes of my body
a soulmind, shimmering
crystals in heart
then this
is it
nothing less
than spirit
coursing through blood
in untamed rush
a wild creek
teeming with freshness
and trout
deer peeping in shyness
and I am all
      lit up from within
as the hues of life
run through me
pulsing energy
filling me up
in deepest
strokes
of
air,
of trees
of mountain
here
even the stars
seem to call out
my name
and, in ever-depth
in focus of heartwave,
I listen

if ever there were
gods or goddesses of desert
of the drylands
of parched earth some call home
they would be surprised to learn
                     of the miracle of
                           this Spring deluge
                                unfurling forth                
                            from deep within  
                        the crusty dermis
          of this sublunar territory:
          hydrangea and ***** apple flower,
          intermingling their hues
          of mauve and lilacs,
                              as well as the color of sky
                               blooms of the succulents
                    popping open
                    in celebratory dance
                                   in wild fuschia
                                sunray butter:
a dazzling botanic trance
          hollyhocks of magenta,
           veils of bougainvellia, too
                    sweetpea clusters
             curling in the trellis
weaving heavy-scented magic
through and through
a private orchard of lemon tree, and apple
olive and pistachio grove
One would not guess
the endless giving
of this desert treasure trove

And I feel like a goddess
              of mythology softly spun
like Demeter, or Ceres
ancient Egyptian Renenutet
my hands spread out
in the licks of gentle sun
for as spring pours forth its honey
all through this barren land
I , too reawake
and flush out all the infected,
dust-scratched sand
I welcome in
the waters of abundance,
of love, of light under stars
let new energy wash out
old poisons
my radiance spilling far
Reaching out unto the Universe,
cradling this heart
         I cup the buds of blooms,
                                      of nectar
to inseminate my dark
       allowing me
to release the past
and seed within me, lit
         the atoms
of  new
               start
unfolding bit
by tender
bit

In union
expectations are high
Mine were so high for you
and I still want
a kind of perfection
in imperfectness

Now after so many years
I long for the melting
of your ice walls
Such a long tunnel ---
But hey,
bring on the torches.

Let the waters start to drip
and run
Let my slake my thirst
for what is not
Let me be a vessel
for those sacred waters
to fill me up
Let my desert
be plunged
into an ocean
of endless
glory
What we always wanted, no?
Now I must face my journey
on this tundra
an icy desert,
at home with you,
yet alone

Here in the desert
it's been raining
on and off
            for days
making the succulents and cacti
glisten with wetness
their thick skin sparkles
and catches nature's ironic eye
flowers and plants shine
so much better in the half-grey
Here in the prehistoric depths
Of rocky whitewash and silt
             flash floods rush through
flushing out all guilt
         And inside
a raging storm commences
and I feel so blessed
to be a part of this celebration
my lungs expanding in my chest
I breathe in deep
that fresh purity of air
let it cleanse right through me
from my toes up to my hair
It rushes in my body
taking no prisoners in its force
flows through every vein
cleansing poisons in its course
its power flows into me
washing out this stubborn pain
Turning the confusion
                     into clarity again
From inside subconscious thoughts
           realization thunders
rinsing from my mind
                 the emotional strain
and replacing it with euphoric wonders
Come, my raging desert tempest
Bathe me
       penetrate me with wet
restore and purify
my being
take over and disinfect
let me feel my own strength
until it pours out from my cells
into the space inside my heart
where love and lust still dwell
My tears mingle with the sweet drops
                as I fling arms open to the sky
releasing strikes of lightening
for every word I cry
as I summon, pray for lightness
mixed with the sturdiness of earth
Let joy rise up and bubble
within my being
as rebirth

Desire...waving me down
like a flag
curling silk
crimson like
the heartbox lining
of those
chocolates from
somewhere in Europe
spilling
cream either
too sweet
or too bitter
I could
take my fill
Í could
taste each
And every one
But I know
this will be wasted
upon my scything
tongue
for all I want
in this
harvest time
is one flavor
one fruit
forbidden
to the colored point
As it explodes
along the cold
metal edge
of sensate buds
as they bloom upon
the tip
of my tongue

You rise up
        in the room
of my heart
like those gentle
       spirits,
Nightly
you whisper words
that trip over
         the tongue
and slip down
the silk of my body    
        swirling and whirling
into silvery dreams
as I sleep
       weaving patterns
in my mind
and staining my thoughts
        with love

My thoughts
have  become
      as iridescent
as tiny pearls
of dewdrops
     They are enough
to fill a spider's web
and make it sparkle
      They are enough
to quench my aching thirst
for each one is filled
         with whole worlds
other dimensions
that only we,
     in our secret language of
matching souls,
can behold

My heart is on a platter
in this large expanse
of banquet hall
strewn, festooned
with banners
on the time-stained,
whitewashed walls

My heart is on a platter
****** beats so red
contrasting the
bright-white tablecloth
so elegantly spread

It sits and claims its place
as its pulses
fill up the room
and the cutlery shakes,
reverberates
from its understated swoon

Napkins folded so neatly
Best china laid out fine
it oozes through the arteries
in crystal glasses
meant for wine

One wonders, as one gazes
upon the forks and spoons
                              and knives
laid out in rows
so properly…
Just when will they arrive?
And when they do,
those honored guests
will they be shocked to see
this beating, pulsating mass
that pumps out feeling
in endless, reaching streams

Like a delicately-cooked
animal, exposed
             with flesh so raw
this ***** keeps on throbbing
whetting saliva in the jaw
No apple stuffed in mouth
no need for garnish
or temptation
the heat's already there
even in this subtle
                 transformation
It's so slight,
the change
             perhaps obvious
a bit bizarre
but despite themselves
my eyes are drawn,
in wonder,
            to the stars

My heart is on a platter
almost cut in slices
                   paper-thin
now all that's left to do
is check
          where one of us
ends and one begins
Just take a slice
place it on your tongue
and let it melt within
Let it enter softly
your bloodstream
let it boil, let it soothe
no one can be one's
everything
but the soul's
                frequencies
might groove

My heart was on a platter
in this banquet of desire
but, to everyone's amazement
it has turned
to flames of fire
it billows up to the ceiling
sizzles like a steak
     and even though
I am reeling
I hold my ground,
                 won't break


See, I don't care what
they think
those diners
with wagging tongues
and fetid minds
   I grab your hand and we run
to the coolness of the pines
Looking back, we see
heartsmoke rising up
into the sky
in the colors
        of the northern lights
blinking in beats
like an ancient, mystic eye


And as you place your hand
upon my chest
where this heart
was once submerged
I so do not give
        one flying ****
when dinner
will be served

I'm hanging out
our ***** laundry
tonight.
Sticks and stones
and broken bones.
Words actually do stain
as my whites mix with colors
and flow through the air,
pegged down to the last insult.
The best stain remover could be love.
But we've got a really
tough collection,
here tonight.
Despite the hot water wash, those
hard-to-get spots are
still there.
And my brain and heart are
being tumble-dried
the heat, the harsh words
washing out my pride.
My outs are in, my ins outside.
The world's a-tumble
As we wear the cloth down
to the last few threads.
As usual, we forgot
a good dose of softener
to make mellow
the words as they jump
from  our tongues
and enter our heads.
I would save my heart
if I could save yours, too
But it's just all spinning too fast,
What on earth
Shall we do?
We'll just have to hang it up as it is.
Let the world see
that there is no perfection
Let those dulled brights
be a kind of reflection.
Perhaps next wash will be better.
We'll know by then
what to use.
Perhaps love will take over,
rekindle the blown-out fuse.
Right now I'm just gonna
curl up in this
basket. Wait for the
stormy cycles to end.
One thing's for sure.
We must clean up our act
Lest the cottons unravel
We must sew up each tear
Before our hearts start to travel
We must take care of the frayed silks and satins
the polyester
before they are beyond any repair.
Tend to those stains,
Straighten each snare.
Take my love
In a many-hued heap
Smelling of sweet soap
Warming your cheek.
A leap of faith
A dash of desire
Let's wash out the pain
Rub away all ire.
Let's have a laundry party,
Tonight.
Naked on the clean bright sheets.
Let the kisses remove
the harshest of stains
Let caresses replace the words
of pain.
The only softener we'll use
Is the creaminess of tongues.
Let the world see
Our love, tonight.
Flowing on the line
for all to perceive.
Darling, we must give just to give
And then we'll
receive.

"It is a deepening,"
                         she said
and took his hand
to her watery bed,
beaming her light
upon those almost
invisible threads
in particles subtly
                 speaking
in sparkling aquatic tongues
like colored crystals,
felt in shards of icy wine
shells sifted
in far-flung
            seas of time
Shining down as
we dive to the depths
we lead each other on
We are the  
           explorers of the dark
We have
powerful equipment
to attempt to clarify
radiate it all up
              and if it fails,
the light from
our eyes and hands
is enough to illuminate
the murky
        waters below
our salvation,
deep-sea secrets
revealed—
churning in undertow
         In fact, if you dare
to penetrate the dark
and cast aside
fear of predators
               you will see-
the ruins of
an ancient temple
                waiting,
just waiting
for you
       for me
to dance amongst
the algae-coated
alabaster, green
wisps moving
in hypnotic motion
to weave in-between
the fish and corals,
a magic breathing in
of ocean
in sync with our own
                          breaths
This expanse of endlessness
        …..so many layers to discover
to sway and trip the light
in quiet,
            breathless joy
The feel of electric
flow around our feet.
Saltwater,
            turning sweet.
It is time
for the next stage
                     to begin
So tip your
head back,
my love---
and
       drink it
                     in

I am drenched
                  in you
            as you wash
  through my pores
I am quenched
in tsunami
as it pushes down
my door
I am splayed
to all four corners
exposed to your eye
My veins are frayed
from suffered hautings,
'Til you
rock my tender tide
My torso is taut
to meet liquid lips
all these *****,  
silky thoughts
controlling my hips
We share a
          rushing river language
speaking deftly in tongues
You penetrate my soul
as I breathe air into
your lungs
So take me on an
underwater journey
down the crash
of your shore
I want to drown
in this ocean
and come to life
with a roar

It is hard
to describe
how the rush of
          the drench
of a furious
     storm makes
my downpour
             clench
wet desert wind
that sparks me
                   alive
sending currents
from the whorls of
                my scalp
down through the
rings of my spine
It trips over
                  dermis
like kimono silk
thick as the cream
of lapped-up
              milk
alighting my
senses in
rose quartz tints
igniting cells
to my surface
with earthed-up flint
The strike of rocks
echoes ancient
           sounds
reverberating heat
throughout my scared
                        mound
And I let the rain
pour directly in
to my soul's
humble vessel,
cleansing me,
     rinsed
from relentless
        spirit-wrestle
free of stains
from self-doubt,
         self-hate
to align my vision
with choice-infused fate
and I am the storm
that swirls through
the trees
I am the dream
whipped up thick
in the breeze
ready for surrender
as I pull the reigns
ready for the tender
conflagration
         of the
sacred
      blaze

Life is so precious
every moment
     wisps off into the dusk
as sunlight appears fleetingly
onto our upturned faces
and shifts into
          the paradigm of rain
how we struggle every day
to maintain this perishable dance
hold our heads
     above the rising current
fighting to stay aloft
battling for our survival
at times expectations tossed
         our broken sanity weaving its way
into our consciousness
we forget that even in
our daily commitments
there is magic
we forget to let it resonate
What if we decide
To throw our fears aside
What if we take a
steel-edged chance
gathering courage and running
to that rough-hewn cliff
what if we wish to climb
          the ladders as they spiral up
what if our ripening
is right now
as we search our souls
               to the root
and we must simply pull
back the cutting stone of illusion
to lovingly reveal
that luscious
vibe
of earth
            and fruit?

Take the words
out from my mouth
please chew them well,
don't spit them out
Swallow them
deep into your throat
let them circulate,
let them float
into your mind,
into your heart
with my words
         inside you,
we'll never part
        and if
the time comes
that you should speak
in sharp punctuation
across my cheek
know that I might,
for a second,
hold my tongue
before it unfurls
   and becomes undone
it might lash out
in a burning sting
from the shock of
             the lexicon
that fervor brings
but then rage will
melt upon our lips
in satin threads
                 of fire
that burn their tips
and no temporary storm
will declare our pain
in language sacred,
and then
               profane
I'd rather bind
my lips to yours
let the waves rise up
           on speech's shores
let the tides of
forgiveness
spill out in phrases
as the moon whispers
bliss in hidden phases
and we'll forget our
periods and commas
and grammatical structures
as polished vernacular
      turns to animal lustre
as we slide to the floor
verbal cannons unfired,
                             unheard
finally at
     a loss for
             words

Inside this
depth of the perpetual,
I hold onto the light,
learning that
it is not an illusion
but a constant
            fire within
hard as metal
simultaneously lava soft
no longer boneless,
lumped jelly
              in a flaccid bowl
Instead I am bowled over
with new power,
plugged into
my own electric universe
in rushes of ******* voltage
that was always waiting for me
to see it
to allow it inside
the tissues of my body
to flow up and through
intestines, muscle, heart and bone
threads from
                 a glowing orb
that slake
and snake through me
like a river's glory
leaving the spirit on edge for more
and I am ever grateful
to take that light
                  spin it into a gift
                       unwrap it slowly
                            drape it
                              over me like
                                 a flowing,
unstitched garment        
pour its liquid-tipped velvet
onto my follicles, sensitive
tender luminosity
touching all the right places
its silvery essence
flooding me in
drips and slips
healing all the lost
and lonely places,
desolation's imprint
hollows of brimmed-over    
                        despair
I have become
a quivering, stellar bud
bursting forth, each day
                       burning into new
rebirth in quenching torrents
ripe as ovarian silk
soaked in
cellular juice
inner seeds ready to be flung
unto the earth
into the wilderness
into expansion
ready to
bloom
          and bloom
          and bloom
   again

This morning,
upon waking
A different feeling was in the air
Something
was a-glow…but what?
A quick glance upon
The mirror
as I gazed upon my skin
It was shimmering with
Electricity
currents running,
thick and thin
up and down my body,
highlighting my passion
my most sensitive spots,
reverberating
turning delicate frequencies
into high voltage…

And every time
My thoughts slithered about
most alive,
like the bejeweled serpent
in a garden of lust,
of love
luscious
as orchards
of velvety fruit.
Thoughts
of your face
your touch
your skin upon mine….
A rush of sparks
igniting my spine.

I watched, as
all became alight,
My body a map
of countries,
gleaming into the night
of many tongues spoken,
of colors bursting in air,
of a melancholy broken
of the arc of a flare

I have become
a festival of lights.
The aurora borealis
drifting over me
like the rolling waves
of the most sensuous
explosion
ever

I.

Like an unknown element

of the supernatural,

a mystery of nature…

this cannot be explained

I try to reason,

but the force -

the power -

the wonder -

shakes me up

like percussion under skin

Under influence

Of a small earthquake,

I sway and stumble

Reaching out

As my heart rumbles

In distant thunder

Boom..the heat

Boom…the beat

Pulsations under skin

My flesh tingles

As thoughts of you

Weave a tapestry within.

II.

You

have made

every single cell

call out in boundless

electricity…

Even the membranes

between them

are alight

with tiny stars.

You

have placed wires

beneath my skin

and flipped the switch,

releasing fireworks

where not even

the smallest of flames

burned before.

Now

as I stand in the

black cloak of night

You can see me from afar;

For I am illuminated

from within.

I send smoke signals,

arcs of light,

as I imagine

skin on skin.

III.

My heart

beats sparks

My blood

rushes in ripples

of liquid fire…

the scent of basalt

and obsidian

in the air.

The scent of my own desire

Makes me slick,

Runs like lava

Between my thighs.

I am a-blaze

in a sea of flames

as lava fuels

this vessel

that is my body

And I allow my soul

To rise up

Across oceans

Across mountains…

Rise up

And fly…

I am spiraling

In the cool night air

to meet you

for a quick dance

of explosion

Here, back on earth

a luminescent

fever shakes

my molecules

to the core.

I curl into myself,

Hold my knees,

Float like an embryo

When I am ready,

I unfurl

Reach up

And out.

Take that glow into

My own hands

Cast it

Into air

Like a beacon.

sparks of you
           lie within me
               not dormant but
            silently active
a volcano on hold
         embers in the haze
            of intensity's throb
                  and glow
my heartflames
supposedly on low
your bones are
almost molten
melding with my own
and my cells are
tiny brush fires
craving a certain water
but not just
                    any kind
I need liquids
fresh from the spring
                 icy seas
to cool my heat of soul, of ****
and gelatinous nomenclature
that clings to my tongue
I need my loops of wild light
to be egged on in the
right fluorescence
yet calmed as I spin
into your sphere

Quiet, now. Just hush up
Put your hand on my chest
          feel the beats
   calm my frenzied wires
drench my parched lingual
       expressions with your
              aqua pura
the salty sweetness
of deep desires quenched
I need soil
of the right kind
I am not a desert flower
but I have thrived
in the dry cracked
barren lands
       sunstreaks in my hair
              blooms have burst forth from
          the ******-in parchment
of my skin
making it smooth and dewy
and despite themselves,
festoons of flowers
decorate the pain.
belly deep
fill the milky white
of ******* with colors
releasing the constant,
strict tightening
pressing on my chest
and if given the
right conditions
this volcano
will
      so deliciously
erupt

I am the Empress of Darkness
I conjure coal and obsidian
from smoke-curled skies
I am bent on destruction
of the inner deaths
                       that exist
creeping up my spine
I am a raging inner momentum
                          of swirling clouds
holding the black seas at bay
I wish to conjure darkness
                       in order to bring light
first clearing out
all that has claimed me
chase it away from the
fog that has coated
                     my bones and organs
Bring it on, I say
Filter right out of me
    Demise: Hear me clear
You are no longer welcome
in the echoed canyons of this heart
I throw you into
the reverse quilt of stars
and you fall like a blanket
upon the night's clear breath
I am the Empress of Light
and I claim myself back
I take back the cloak
of what was always mine
Hear my cry
Let your eyes mist over in
familiar newness
Cower in your own shadow
for it is my time to shine

All strung
out
       on
sadness,
empty shells
of needles
      that injected
the next defense
      to keep me going
splayed upon
the coldness
            of metal
somewhere in a place
lower than
the floorboards
of the nether regions
of a private hell,
where no one sees
      the truth behind
the doors of
           beaten swords
of silken pictures
in frothy shades
of effervescent green
a smiling happy family
in which the
sounds of drowning
can only be
             vaguely heard
a faded gurgle
       in an ocean of sighs

Somewhere, there,
the pain in my veins
spreads like
a self-administered
                       drug
only it's not
my prescription, at all
just a parody
from the very
    sick doctor
who shares
          this house,
meant to
be a home
one who thinks
he knows it all
but knows nothing

In this dreamlike weaving
of staring blankly
into alternative spaces
when all is so heavy
that even breathing is a task
I suddenly remember
   who the **** I am
and push my gaze through
the ceiling cracks
to look up at
         the stars,
receiving their
            shadows
           of light
      like a blessing
   upon my
   nettle-stung
    tongue
and
       rise

It starts
deep within
just flames
licking fire
tripping up
my spine
in crackling desire
spreads through my pores
in heated, close beats
releases its high
from my brain
                to my feet
The slow burn
in my solar plexus
spreads in hot surges
waves of wildfire
pulsing in white-hot urges
right down
to where
it really takes off
rushing through my
my cells
never pausing to stop
One can go mad
from that torrid,
thick heat
            every day
so I will trill
into my music
rocking my chair
as I play
feeling the vibes
within the rush and the beats
from the top of my head
to where these velvet
                 thighs meet
like the blazing
mirage of a summer
heat wave
releasing
                  the flow
of all that I crave
close-channeled
energy siphoned
into other spheres
so much like heaven
it squeezes out
                       tears
late desert
         summer nights
naked under
plush covers
my tunes and my pen
are my only lovers
it burns for a while
slides into
ecstatic bloom
and then catapults
back up
in a frantic
heart boom
this is my world
when I am
in charge of my own
            rhythm and tunes
playing them out
like mysterious flumes
this is how my passion
                                  unfolds
when I choose music for a set
I start off contemplative
       and end up wet
So I will take this ink
let it spill upon the page
wield the sword of my
                          slick waters
free my soul
from her cage
like a silky animal
running to cool, shaded brush
I will save up this
passion
so endlessly
              lush

Morning has broken
but she has not
it had been a long night
sinister fraught
the stars were cut
in lacerations of lace
          stains of tears
                      mark trails
                   on her face
mascara in circles
mocking panda eyes
multiple moments
of almost self-demise
wrists bound to
          sadness, heart
trussed to trust
pain from crumbling
illusions, plus
that constant,
          searing lust
Now, on the floor,
lying face down
in what seemed
              like blood,
she starts to
                 move around,
as realization pours over
in a thick, viscous flood:
She can move her arms;
for they were not
                really bound
That gag in her mouth?
it has dissolved into sound
The sound of her voice
as she gets up
        from the floor
opens the window
bringing light
            to the fore
guttural noises
escape deep
                 from her throat
and before she
knows it, the
room starts to float
furniture circling
as the energy takes
        and she lets in the air
             fresh as new fate
her cuts balmed over
         winds whipping up her hair
marks from taut ropes
smoothing over to bare
and the light bursts in
          in a blast, in a whoosh
like bursts of starlight
cutting in with a push
they seep into shadows
pulsing over the dark
the howling rescinds
          in an explosion of sparks
blocks of pain that held
her chained
are knocked over
and the lightstorm
                keeps coming
her inner percussion
just doesn't stop drumming
      And as she flies through that window
and unhinges the door
            from its frame
freedom
            is now hers
            forever to claim

I wanted
    yes, so much
firey whispers
to glow in the black
I wanted
         yes, so wide
my skin under
  your burning
lips to brand me
as the night kissed dawn
I wanted
         Yes, so deeply
    to breathe in the wisps
of this new softness
   as you coaxed out mine
like a shy snail
Now the night
        comforts
as tears do flow
stain cheeks
as I strain to retain
             lost words
promises not kept
yet not quite made
so what was I expecting
perhaps
Magic

So many emotions tonight
I just cannot keep
them in
They are bursting out
from this jar of stars
that I keep next to my bedside
and tonight I couldn't
close it tight
if I tried
yes they are erupting out
as the lid
flies to the skies
messy emotions everywhere,
all over the
bedcovers
spilling onto the carpet
over my fingers as I attempt
to catch them
now I see
that the stellar energy,
just busting
through the ceiling,
up through the roof
and over the stratosphere
is mine
it seems that
I am going for a night- ride
amongst those
brightly encoded particles
sensory endings a-glow
reaching out like starfish
infinite pieces of our being
as they meet the forces beyond
I am rushing through those
night clouds
fluidity floating
trying to understand it all
attempting to know why
How can I make it right
How can things get back on path
And then I realize
This is it…
The path
I am on it
the pieces
       will come back together
only after
they freely
unabashedly
shatter

Fact or fiction?

You spin such wonderful tales
and I am caught
like a tiny spider
Lured into my own web
as well as yours
How I wish I could know
whether the stories
that dizzy and stun me
are true..for they intoxicate me
like the finest wine

How I wish I could be
wrapped up in the layers
of that soft, spongy web
you spin round my heart
Protecting me from life's hurts
But at this point
I cannot know whether the
Sweet sting
Is that of poison
Or elixir
manacle or miracle
old wives' tale
or fairy tale come true
and if I struggle to break free
whether I will be relieved
that I got away
or crushed
that I have lost
this silvery wisp
of a chance
forever

My heart
is a battlefield
and I have gone
to fight.
I've brandished
my sword
like a samurai
I am wearing my armor
But I've
let it down
and thus
find myself
here,
on the ground.
I am trying to get
Up
for it's just
not supposed to be
Yet I
find myself attracted
to the rocks
and the trees
as they look from below
as I gaze up
at the sky
all the time
asking myself
"How? Why?'"
My heart
beats here,
wounded
yet working
and strong
but with cuts
that are deep….
I wonder how long
it will be until
they find me
here
on the floor
of the forest
so green
with a wound
so sore
I lay my weapon
upon the dirt
and turn
to the stars
to comfort
my hurt

The floodgates
                      have opened
                  and the tide is high
            the dam has burst
    in explosion
of tear-bombed third eye
      saltwater rushes
           culling dark demons
              from the deep
the most buried
of creatures
awoken from sleep
viperfish and tube worms
                     vampire squid
twirling their tentacles
to summon the id
squelching up
                    impulse  
from sinkholes of mud
primal instincts excavated
                     from tombs
                          of slick crud
Deep-seated fears
have been beckoned to play
to disregard tears
take resistance away
and while blown over
by this twisted abyss
she remembers a flicker
            of the shadow of bliss
      and like a mermaid rising        
up towards surface
                      blue heights
she grasps at the cirrus
leaking tendrils of light
pulling up hand by hand,
in sea-tangled vine
a vague sense of sweetness
flushes out brine
and when she breaks through
                           the surface,
her heart like a sieve
she finally owns it-
the power
       to
            breathe

And I cry
for so many losses
so many ties
that burn, that bind
waving in a lit-up
trail of dark..
there is the Starman
now up above in his glory
his beautiful music forever
penetrating
our souls
There is the precious love
of a friend, gone her way
leaving him to mourn her glow
So many others..actors,
musicians of our youth

And what of my precious love?
He lives. Yes, he lives
yet is no longer
mine, perhaps
never was
just an illusion of light
in my ever long tunnel
of sparkling darkness.

And now
I gather up
the shards
put back together
my heart of
glass

The last time I saw you
was in 2011

You tousled my son's hair
cupped my daughter's chin
in front of the museum
You met me
in your black business suit
as the thick heat
of New York City
coated us

Your grandchildren stared at you,
smiled in shy half-moons
before my mom
took them home.
Then,
just you and I.

We sat for a cold moment
in the restaurant.
I longed for
something more personal
than a swank Upper West Side
joint, and ate nothing
Only water could
slide down
my throat,
and words stuck there

I was thirsty
for the you I had known
A big bear hug
dancing in the living room
to Olivia Newton-John
How you swung me around
and we laughed, my hair flying

I was thirsty
for our secret language
created one summer
for our silly jokes
in restaurants,
people-watching
on Second Avenue
the 80s punks in
East European diners
eating potato perogin
after their long night out

You disappeared on me
             and then
after she, my sweetest star,
got sick
you reappeared
calling me every day
to check up on the flowers
in your garden
How you came back
to water it
in your own way

and now
I am only waiting to
cross the oceans,
fly straight into
your arms,
enfold your once-infinite
bear hug invincibility
into my fragile
heart

This fragile heart
sometimes bursts into
the tiniest shards
                  of infinity
clear as crystal light
yet empty
as an ocean, waterless
longing
to be filled and filled
over and over
as I would fill you
to the brim
overflowing with
enough life
and love to heal
a thousand
                aching moons

Dark, so sweetly
spirals of black
slaking black
in layers
        of rhythm
liquid night
brush-stroked
        into oblivion
drink up, my love
let thirst
       be satisfied
let the pulses
of rock and hard
places be
         hotly gratified      
dusty artifacts
in alternation
as we imbibe the potions
           of manifestation
they twist and turn
bubble up through the muck
electrify the system
as we get ready to ****
  up all those hollow,
vapid schemes
busting them apart
         demolishing themes
of stereotyped hearts
smashing through convention
until the dry becomes wet
reaching ascension
in tears and sweat
the water gets flowing
     down from mountain ice
as we pulverize limits
          without thinking twice
and while obscurity
of twilight in the shadows
             of dusk
blurs our vision
in harsh realities, brusque
we know that we must be who we are
live this life in full force
filter broken voices
that sabotage our course
      and in a flick
                 of a whisper
an ancient eye blinks
and with one feral breeze
we are over
         the brink
like a fall from a
cliff in a delicate arc
              we open up
our buried layers
to the obsidian
              spark

In the vortex
of my mind
      under layers
            of consciousness
something is opening
within me
like a reverse arc
            going deep
                into other landscapes    
                      kaleidoscopic spheres
                                              swirling                  
                            in new development
and I am holding onto
my living room chair
as a slow tornado
whirls around me,
new wisdom filling me up
in whisperings
unable to be heard
          to the naked human ear    
sacred utterings
beyond definition,
beyond the realms
                   of fear  
Seeds of knowledge
that burst through
old patterns,
a force that defies
All I have been
working towards
striving to rise    
pushing through debris
exploding, gently,
to the surface
   a coolness emerging
to soothe this burning
                          furnace
causing my secret
desert spaces
           to evolve
into green-covered
dense jungle waxed
exotic flowers
so tiny and so large
they look like caricatures
(but they're real)
and I had no idea
this was part of the deal
I stare in wonder
at the plants
and creatures
I have yet
to name
wildernesses
that preferably
must stay
         untamed

And into this clearing
       they venture
shyly, daring to emerge
from the dense,
intense forest,
all negativity
                      to purge
to eat from
           my fingers,
waiting for my
            primeval blessing
These sweet, feral creatures
I wish for each
and every one
to bestow upon me
their grace,
bless me in turn
as I stroke their face
they  almost seem
                   to glow
                    in their            
primordial powers
and let me
anoint their brows,
my hands grazing soft
and rougher patches
of fur, of reptilian skin
predator and prey
joining as one within
They come
to meet me today
to partake in my strength
They bestow me
with their
indigenous, glowing
           earthiness
written indelibly
inside their eyes
their innocent power
flowing, balanced
          between cloudy and clear skies
and as I gaze
directly into
the naked horizon,
            tornados ceased
I feel that something
             akin to…
                         peace
I am blessed in its
          rivulet, immersed in its stream
and I know I am
on my path to an
ever-sacred
           dream

After this mortal storm
wanes
and ceases
I venture outside
     to pick up the pieces
The stars have been
wind-whipped
stirred into a frenzy
like a merry-go round
in a blender,
         shaken intensely
Yes, those stars up way beyond
whirled about
they cast their spell
they made me shout
Like a ship on high tide
I was thrown for a loop
tossed against
backwinds
and wrenched up
from the root
With an archer's practiced,
                     steady mark
You aimed and fired
piercing my dark
So now, after that fiery arrow
             hit true
I must pick up the pieces
From the heart that blew

The journey
to real self-love
is not always easy
      There are so many elements
                          that can trip you up:
                            jagged rocks
                               that slightly jut out from
                              the silken, earthy surface
                            paths of black ice
                         that look clear          
    but slide you from your course
  their invisibility
only tangent
  after the fall
     light flash floods    
        that turn into monsoons
           at a moment's notice  
                                             a reflection of clear blue sky
                                                 that somehow turns
                                                    into a seemingly solid wall
                                                 But if we can hold on
                                             and somehow stay connected
         to the shining root within
       let it hold us in place like an  
      invisible anchor
         the floating umbilical cord
            that connects us
              to our inner mirror
                deep reflection
                  and resurrection
    Then we will know
     that every slip
    is truly temporary
   and only leads us to the
    improved firework
   of ourselves:
                              for nothing can stop us
No matter what
we will blossom into
the very electric flowers
we were meant to,
and, at our own
blessed pace,
     burst into
    the gentle ululation
   of
       the stars

in the landscape of you
I am a wandering soul
with but my words
                for protection
as I make you my goal
in the expanse of your vista,
I wear the cloak of our depth
your heartbeats in mine
as we breathe
           the same breath
I feel your rugged peaks,
your valleys that sink
your core's wildflower essence
that stains me with ink
I bathe in its fragrance,
a tattooed poet's imprint
in the primal spheres in my being
enveloping my core
all the clearer
          for seeing

and when your rough
                 tempest storms
are afar, yet in view
I dive straight to
                  their center
into the magnet of you
for
     I will water your deserts
infuse fresh creeks
                        in your dry
I will run through your forests
as I call to your wild
as I straddle your cliffs,
festoon your tundra
             with blooms
steam will rise from
                your earthcore
and fill up my womb
Through the dew on our lashes
through my lava that flows,
the stars in your eyes
make my universe glow

these geographic measures
                                 I take
as you let me inside
our bloodstreams merging
as we get lost in the tides
electric pulsed woodlands
that spread iced wildfires
slaking the loops
  of floodgates' desire
and I will hold you together
if you fall, torn apart
bonded forever
in this map of our
                    hearts

Sitting near
the earthly fire
watching the flames reach up
into the primal being
of lightness
we feel heat about to encroach
and crashburn.
We might not be here 'til morning
and so we really ought
to begin:
It is time for the ritual
of gift-giving
best done
when dark forces take over
in smooth snowflake obsidian
under raging moonspells
and time that sometimes tells
in whispers of the earth-scented dance
of night creatures
I cast the first chant into
your open radar:
gush of hot metal
almost pain but not quite
you are being cleansed in black
and now must give back
passing the herbs of your tongue
onto mine
in heady tonic
an expedition
in the sear
of ghost pepper
garments are no longer
needed here
and we can now
cast them to the winds
as the ritual of
giving
only now truly
begins

I do not want
your blazing orange sunset
or the jewels of false words
to wear as a noose
around my neck
These are not treasures
Instead give me
your darkness
Open the door of pain's palm
and let me enter
For I come bearing gifts,
not tricks
press poultices that sting
then soothe
Words of gentle spikes
that slowly release and remove
those tensions,
that years of bitter
have imprinted upon the rock
of your heart
Your heart, so alive
beats steady under stone
and I pour
hot potions
that melt to the bone
This magick will cure
all of the built-up crust
of falsity's allure
and what we thought was redemption….
For all along we were loved
and just did not know it
After you are empty
and spent, sprawled upon the ground
the remnants of your pain
poured out upon the floor
like gasoline waiting to be lit
only then will I be able
to caress you tenderly
help you replenish and rebuild
place a ripe, moist date
stuffed with almond
into your kiss
and you will be able to
taste it
to the fullest volume
and appreciate
its
sweetness

words fell
    like broken
        glass
                from
your lips
                onto
bloodstained
                       carpet
lacerations
              searing your
bruised heart,
      transplanting
              its jagged rips
into mine
  beats sharply feathered
like injured
                wings,
angel eyes
   pigmented my color,
    blinded by a
cool sheen
hiding behind
                 tears
You are but a child,
young fresh entity
yet know the weight
of heavy
    and suddenly
nothing else
       matters
only your light
in my world,
however
         dark you get
nothing material
can fix it and I will
stop it all
to press
the button
          of time
and give
you
the
       world

And my golden heart
is upon the floor
beaten in its beating
once again I am
in this place
of questionning
eyes searching for
ancient,
            encoded meanings
I look to the heavens
my eyes blinded by salt
by oceans of deep blue tears
a sea of emotion
that never ends,
yet I take the silvery
wings of my fears
I stand on the edge
of this new beginning
and throw them
off the cliff,
watch them dissolve
into misty threads
winds wrapping
my skin like a gift
I shift my vision
as I prepare to mend
the temporary sutures,
this intensely stinging rift
marks the majestic destiny of
             my pending future
Now the reigns
of life
are in my own two hands
as I move forward
in my quest
conjuring courage
within my warrior's soul
despite the pain
burning through my chest
For this is the time
this is the hour
for dream-fulfillment
and true loving self-worth
and I know
I am the only healer
of who I am
on this journey
        at the cusp of
                           rebirth

Goodnight
to all my loved ones
near and far
May you sleep in the light
of the most shining star
and when your dreams
curl and whirl
around your brain
May they only bring sweetness
minus any pain
Even if forgotten
by morning's light
may they plant a seed
that glows, so bright
and gives insight and wisdom
to your subconscious parts
soothes and heals
any wounds
in your heart
May they wrap themselves
Around your soul
Like a vine
And give you inspiration
Like gossamer, so fine
May those dreams
lift you up
And give courage to your soul
Sew up the fractures
And make you whole

The stars are in a rush
around my head
spinning me into woven glitter
turning my body into golden dust
my mind into the silvery beat
                                  of wings
and as I rise from my bed
I am buoyed up by a force
                 not my own
it is so intense
that my mind is blown
I can only look up and let it shine,
this feeling of wholeness
that must somehow be mine
must be from
         a heavenly dimension
such intense loving
a direct extension
of how I wish to see
the world and show its hues
to impart my emotion
and  let loose my muse
such freshness and slaking
of creative thirst
such loving acceptance
a light so bright it bursts
and I am left without proper
words, sentences attempt
               to roll off my lips
and instead, tiny flowers
just twirl off the tips
of my fingers, like smoke to the sky
a cornucopia of feelings
gets me so high
My body grows a garden
petals unfurl from my *******
night blooms flow from my hips
as hyacinths pound
            through my chest
Wisps of
animal instinct
curl up through my spine
which lets me connect
to energy divine
Surrounded by this
               celestial glow
encapsulated within
beatific precision
I let myself bathe in that love
and recharge my vision
this is stronger than the heat
                          of a gentle sun
For this is the beauty,
the power
of a tribe
become One

I spread my hands
and look at each finger.
Over each curve and crevice
my eyes linger.
Chapped skin, rough-hewn
but also smoothness,
untapped youth
I reach out
my white-silver nails
catching light's gleam
rings sparkling.

I wonder
what lies beyond
the knowledge of my skin
So many storms have taken
over lately
These hands
that have risen up
in prayer and supplication
to the heavens above
These hands
that have wished
to cup a certain face
in love

These hands that cook and clean
and tidy up
that have poured countless teas
into countless cups
Hands that offer hugs
smooth back hair
that put on plasters
and mend a tear
And what, I ask, will be?
Where am I?
Who takes care of me?

For these hands
connect to arms
that wish to hug and be hugged
These arms on a body
that so needs to be loved
This body a temple
to my mind and heart
that need tender care,
that need a new start

I gaze outside
The moon is ripe and round
It glows in the shadows
as the stars peek out
There is crispness in the air
Hope in the winds
I put on my gloves
to protect
tender skin

They apply the
      herbal poultices
to my broken frame
surrounding me with light
to melt the pain
They put their cooling
   healers' hands
around my heart
wrap it in a
         temporary tourniquet
so its beats
don't fall apart
and despite this endless
sadness
    I'm alive
due to my breathing
        gasping madness
to survive
My will is shining
glowing
bursting through
   despite the burning
craving soulful
missing
   of only you
The fire in my ribcage...
it will burn
but my healers-
they are tenderly
taking turns
administrating care
and tending to
     my needs
using ancient
knowledge of how
to cure
and how to bleed
and while I lie here
gashes open, old wounds exposed
My healers feel my pain
and simply know
"It's okay, sweet woman warrior
it takes time for deep cuts
to close" they whisper
knowing I can hear
subconsciously this prose
Inside their medicine bag
with its mysterious potions
they make bandages
from silk
rub in soothing lotions
As hurt gets released
into the potent air
in my semi-conscious
state
I am thankfully aware
that this is a chance
to just allow myself
to feel
Let sadness
go through me
in rivulets
in streams
Cleanse my aching
loving heart
until it
gleams

I wanted to dive
into this roaring river of crystal
but my own reflection
prevented me
Instead of
depth
I
got surface resistance
bruises, cuts for good measure,
until I called upon distance
to wrap me in its
ribbons of healing
and stop this
nonstop rush overflow
of feeling

I learned that
the only way through
was to calmly,
humbly
let it soften
as a freeze thaws
as time must heal
to wade through the rocks
stones under my heels
to let coolness fill me
to let the ice melt
to have it soothe
the burns the scratches
the welts
In order to
reach those depths
one must penetrate
see beyond glassy
armor
feel the actual beats
as the pulse gets warmer
and this heart beats strong,
red and true
flesh and pure blood
fiery and blue
I know that one day
this pain will pass
in this heart
made of crystal,
this heart
made of glass

If only you could feel
the tiny tremors
beneath my skin
   How they reverberate
become earthquakes
along the lines of my veins
the map drawn to my heart
     and all is shaking
along my spine
miniscule shivers
that send signals
up and out
      over desert mountains
into night air
over forest and verdant shadows
into the vast regions
of light and deep darkness
      into the realms of your mind  
swirling about
through your bloodstream
muscles pumping the message
via tenuous threads
nerves and tissue protecting
the delicate circling of
what I hold dear:
       nestled precious
your heart
Yes your heart
so very far
yet inside me,
      so near

And today
I nourish my soul,
Break bread with
the goddesses
who guide me.
I must get strong
to heal from the trauma
from a love
broken
so suddenly
an intense
two months
in which my heart
flew high
I was in
heavenly territory
eating sweet fruits
hearing sweet words
all of which
were imprinted
upon the fabric
of my being.
I never expected
to get used
so bitterly
and my tears fall
both inside
and out.
Yet today
I will make strides
to rise up and up
never to stay
down to long
Rise up from
the embers
of the fire that was
like a phoenix
and, like a pure dove
of Light...
To fly again.

Hey, you
Yeah, you
the one way over there
ensconced in tall grasses
where do you
think you are
going
you extend a hand
and loving heart
to so many
and so few
see your brokenness
your pieces of shattered
glass from
all four of those
muscled-*****
blood-flowing
chambers in your chest
              all over the floor
And Hey
I see you
I see you deep
Your molecules rising
Up unto
that soul's
brightness and
so beautiful
outlook
wisdom gained
from time
mixed with pain
             and rhyme
Hey
Let me
wrap my tendrils
of healing all and up
around you
right through you
Hush
No need to talk
         Just let me
press my
blood-pumping heart
right into
        yours
Feel it
Let my light
infuse you
Let me touch you
deep into
under skin
just like
you
    touch
            me

The mind, the soul, the heart
sometimes craves
another part
the reverse imprint
of
a smile, a touch
that shows up
from the inside
sometimes in long drawn out
                      chain of circles
sometimes in the quickest
                  feather patterns
just touching in the lightest brush
the slightest echoes of the soul
Sometimes in an unexpected rush
                 like tidal oceans' flow
it's like a missing puzzle piece
it's like playing
          hide and seek
we are searching for a fit
we are searching for that shape
We are hoping
          as we run and search
from room to room
to soothe that inner ache
and in my dreams I'm playing tag
                    from my grasp slips
                                       whoever's "it"
playing endless hide and seek
straining at the bit
and it should be all fun and games
It should hold adventure true
but the only game is pain
and I emerge
quite black and blue
for hours and hours in the maze
hiding my true self
hoping to be found
for the glacier to be melt
with heated words that make no sound
and loving knowing eyes
                that penetrate through layers
   that look upon me, wise
No need to talk
or even think
no conversation needed
just a true connection
a bond
a communication completed

The truth is all there
  right beneath our skin
ready to be bared
it's surface, rice-paper thin
I have been way too long
in this murky room
always playing in the dark
sitting in the dusty, shadow gloom
and now a river's running through
the hallways of my heart
furniture is floating
walls just break apart
So if you find me, now
In this game of hide and seek
know my heart is now open
to the raging cosmic beat
run with me, if you dare
through that sparkling darkened door
My spirit-love is freed
and I couldn't
ask for more

As the roof crashes down
and comets fly above my head
as I run through all the chambers
dodge spinning  tables, chairs and beds

I crash through the door and draw
my sword
for I will keep up my fight
      for vitality to keep surging
through my soul
as I leap into electric
light

Things are getting better
a little every day…
partially because
I know your love does stay
I understand that we cannot
be together -
I know it.
That is clear
But to know
How much you loved me-
Well, this makes me
feel so special and dear
You see,
I have the poems
that you wrote and sent to me
I have your heart
in writing
and this means more than
anything to me
(even if you
were a samurai
fighting).
Your verse, your pen
The words that flowed
Straight from
your heart into mine
They filled me and still fill me
with a love
that is beyond divine
So even though
I know
in my mind
that we are finished
The heartsongs
you have left me
prove our love
was undiminished.
Yes…I know, my darling
that this romance
is over
and there is nothing to be done
but know
that you were sweet
as clover
as it touches
the tip of my tongue
Yes, I write this with sadness
am still in grief
over this loss
of a love so strong
But I will be all right
with the belief
that we are both
moving on

There is a storm
gathering in
            my womb
soon to explode
into a thousand
crimson stars
lighting up
my veins with fire
and unraveling
deep-set,
          knotted scars
and the gentle rage
outside my window
presses on, inside my head
as I lie here,
my thoughts twisted
in a cozy, yet empty bed
my thoughts unfurl
in misty haze
           curl into
                      smoky
                 rouge
as nightsky thunder rolls
into creamed saxophone
                          deluge
the snare drum beats
in firelight
ripple sheets
in silky flutter
as my fingers strum
my womanly instruments
into loamy, primal butter
my voice in quiet utterance
as the heavens open
           to heavy rains
                    that liquefy
                           my desert
                 hydrate my
           bare-soul caves
so I electrify my echoes
into fruited, crystal drips
frothing up my
cherry wine
upon these moistened,
hungry lips