The floodgates
have opened
deluge rushing in
all the shellfish
   are writhing
deep under my skin
******* out my juices
my heart bleeding
                      thick
my heart on the platform
in textures that tick
like time in a bomb
                inside a box
in my painted ribcage
just waiting to blow
like a self-contained rage

and I can no longer hold it
as implosion ferments
my insides are bursting
in iridescent
           s l o w motion
every one of my cells
            a chaotic torment

As my body shudders and
shakes and splits
in the blast
I know that my mind
       is free at last
my essence climbs
this final ascent
questions form into peace
as tissue is rent

I glance at the *****,
on the sacrificial dais,
            once inside this silken chest
  It beats as it takes it,
               as my soul rides the crest
It accepts the heavy,
on that stage,
stuck through on a spike
the world looking
                    through us
as transparency strikes
and I am no longer a body
just a traveling soul
a companion
       of the timeless
going back to my fold
And suddenly, there,
peering in
through the tender
stained glass panes
an aura flashing its signals
in blood pumping veins
Its silence is fragrant
and wild
in fluorescent
screaming hues
voices that sway me
in deep strokes of blue

and as I willingly
splay myself
upon the vaults
securely fastened
to my own demise
my eyeless vision
grazing the glowing black
                        in swirls of
slashed ancient
language

I see now
so clearly
that the dark one arrived
the one here
to take my soul
with the ember
mystic eyes
melting what is left
of my lava tripped bones
lifting my abyss
to spheres above
yes that one over there
is actually
        Love

And today
I will transform
From that weeping,
walking woman
Who wanders
the pathways
Lost,
and in grief
As I try to move on
From a broken state
to a Woman
who is taking back her power
like the most perfect of wild storms
Yes, I will now be the Goddess
I am meant to be
Who understands that her
Beauty
In and out
Only depends on herself
And not even the Love
From others
(Not even from a Lover
who supposedly so very loved her)
I am made of stars
I was before and it continues
I will throw into the
Galactic air
The stardust
That falls from me
As I walk by
I will dry my tears..
For how long can one cry?
I will push back
That cover
of sadness
That blanketed me
Like snow
I could not see
But for the white
And it made my soul
So cold
I am now going
to live out my heat
In whatever form it takes
I will try to cool
My desires
And not leave pain
In its wake
It is time to dry the tears
For too many have fallen
I must now become
The strong being
I was before
And I will gently
Push out of the way
Those who try to stop me
They won’t get far
It is hard to stop oneself
When you become
A shooting star
And I thank the Universe above
For making me who I am
Strong and whole
an Angel who has known
Great pain
But will now move on
Yes
Into the healing realm
Ínto skies like fire
Who prisms of colors
That will take my soul
And heart
ever
Higher

Yes it's time
time for me to
spiral up into new magnetic forces
a whirlpool of energies
They draw me to them
beckon me
with enticing whispers:
"Come closer"
and bit by bit
I am lured
to that river of
multi-hued edges
listening to the wild rapids
my heart beating with them
My eyes search
For the shy animals within the rushes
and I spot a golden eye, a whisker
As if bewitched,
I stumble forward
lovingly guided
by my own inner wilderness
no resistance
for
I am just where I want to be
in this river of colors
its currents rushing through me
refreshing all of the dark inner corners
pouring through my pores
reviving dead skin
my organs welcoming rejuvenation
one by one by one
I walk slowly
to relish
the coolness
let my fingers drift in the clarity
let my mind cleanse and be cleansed
from those metallic acids that stung
like salt in a wound
past poisons unweave themselves
from my karma like lanterns released
into a vibrant dusk
O River
Purify me
Drench me in sweet, liquid sparkle
Make me shimmer again from deep within
Draw out my dusty melancholy
And release it into your mellow,
                               rhythmic ebb and flow
Let me ride your mellifluous tides
Let my swamplands rise up
                                        and glow
in the sacred dance of darkness
of light
of sensuality
I am ready to dive in
I am ready to get
totally
         and completely
wet

Here
in the solitude
of my darkness
emotion causes
temporary blindness
I dive deep into the layers
of blanketed black
covering myself
for comfort
the stars sparkle to me
in their own language
yet I cannot hear them
for the rush in my ears
my heart
stirs beneath my chest
as my sword stays in scabbard
fires in the brush
leave their embers
I take some cinders and
slash them over
my cheeks
to match this inner night
with purity
try to still the
murky waters
of my being
and then
in one outpour of dark vessel
I am flooded
the scent of blood
in the air
the taste of tears
upon my tongue
and..Hush!
the night is gone but for
the candle's
second-long
flicker

Today I battle
my own negativity
the dark side of
my moon
glowing cold
in the sear
of burns
those little
inflamed live
scars receiving
the salt
of tears
that I gather
in opaque blue
and indigo-hues
in the privacy
of the soft spaces
in the drawers
of my heart
little aches
that grow
as the hours
get smaller
little quakes
on low
in emotions'
faded squalor
and as I plunge
over that
spiritual abyss
draw in my
knees, let the
winds brush
my lips
in a mocking
lovers'  kiss
and try to catch
that beating mass
as it bursts
right through
my chest,
in broken slips
of shattered
glass
I tell myself
in whispers
"No, warrioress!
This time
you will not
be destroyed"
and I fling
my heart,
so bruised
into the
burning,
golden
void

I miss
the forest of
        your magic
    as it winds its
                  tattooed way
through the
          serrated textures
                  of nightfall
all up inside
          my vertebrae
the soft wind
       rustling in your
elms,
outstretched to me
                   like arms
as stars burn through
       this brewing sky
in molten,
    fiery charms
They beckon to me
unexpected
          in quiet      
      apertures of subtle
they sneak upon me,
          unprotected,
when I'm sunken
in my tunnel
and sometimes
              in the
                   quiet stream
of the lonely, sacred night
I hear a whisper
whirring soft
as it permeates
            my spine
I let it take me over
                   as I sit,
slumped,
     in the bath
it creeps and seethes
over my wet skin
eats out my silent wrath
I let it
       fill my senses
as I walk inside
                 the deep
and on wooded paths
of solitude's carpet of leaves
when I feel
no soul is watching
     the deer start shyly peeking,
  and lynx resume their stalking
then long slashes
                  of ache
are reawakened
           from their lair
snaking through my ribcage
choking up my hollowed air
        yet, somehow
        in the longing
of bottomless, falling space
I see in distant, faded visions:
the precious contours
of your face
and so,
like an enchanted
          secret box
I open you,
inhale the confetti
of your floating stars
wave them over and through
my strands of vein,
my tripped out,
           healing scars
your essence
       penetrates
my presence
   like misty mountain rains
seeps inside my pores
opens up
       striations
of seismic,
      writhing pain
Your invisibility
            takes form
and then
            in sudden,
whipped-up heat
        it pours out in
honeyed rhythm
       to our own
             invisible beat
and just like that
I get taken.
Overcome
by slakes of love
rushing through my
arteries
like sweet
    manna
from
    above

Come play with me
         over the hills'
verdant delight
        where the sun often shines
and dark is bright
        Come take my hand
as we go under the bridge
           where the fairies glow
on the pine-scented ridge
        Let's run through the river  
and feel its flow
            as we swim naked
and the moon shines low
Run with me
         let the winds lick
                           us dry  
Let's raise our heads
                         in laughter
allow ourselves to cry
I am here for you
       through storms and hail
I won’t give up
on you
when your tempests
rage and wail
We are one in each other
              No way to reverse
even when running free
                             alone
Your script is in
                      my verse
So come, follow me
             into the wilderness              
Let's get lost there,
                   deep inside
Let's caress each other's wounds
dark secrets tell
                 with pride
You can take my tears upon
your tongue
     and I can press your palms
onto my heart
as we feel the pulse
of silent heat
that will scintillate
our
     dark

Come to me.
             your inscribed
                slashes of verse
                branded upon
             the juice of
           my tongue
     a specter
    of the ultimate gift
      as we allow
         the magic
              to rise
               and peel off in
         swathed, aching
         layers,
                undone
Each stratum of
  dermis shed
       is a prayer for
         our succulent
                     redemption
                        Each shadow of
                          silky cuttlefish caress
                   a plea for sanctity
            or perhaps simply
            being loved
        into a frenzy
        of sanity
            healing in waves
                    of electric eyes
                          You open me
                    like a holy book
              and I am suddenly
                  filled with light
           as you unlock
the blessings
from my spinal fluid
and I am a priestess
  on her altar
       arms raised,
         love braised
              into slick-lit wonder
               a spiral cone rising from
                            ground to crown
                 chakric palette pulsating
            phosphorescent ripples
on deep-sea creatures
Your ubiety
       slakes my naked,
            somatic anatomy
                   a mere shelter
                          for our souls    
                       a working
       of muscle and skin
    with heart strings pumping
                    the essence within
                     Our brainwaves
                                    sizzle in
                         glandular fire
                        as pheromones
                       envelope us
                   like incense
This goes far beyond the
wet cuntflush of desire
beyond the embellishment
of moistened sword
  It is the sacred dance
         of souls that merge
            before even touching
                      pre-verbal animal
                   first light of mankind
                          in ancient swells
                                 of earth that
                           rise like sparks
                the constellations
           of firework chimes
       in arcs of
chiseled
         dark

I love you
dow
       w
           n
to your jagged,
         dark edges
culling smoke
               and twisting tides
                  your steaming heart
              that pulses, in my hands
          as you give it-
and the pungent tears
when they fall
         from your eyes
I lick up your pain
to soothe it smooth
its rawness catching
       velvet ripples of skin
I pull a blanket
of mahogany wine
over your soul
          lacerations
that seep out
              from the layers within

and in that tender of
nightfall's darkest foliage
I long to calm
your monsters' clawing
as they gnaw at you from
                  the inside out

I crave to fill
the hollowed-out longing
my own hungers writhing
      in obscene
                      devout

For I am all that is sacred and wild
the spark has been lit
from my innermost rooms
I dance to the drums of
the woman as child
her mystical ways chanting
rhythms in runes

Demons might dance
as you gaze in reflection
in the mirror of time,
of unfiltered space
      but I adore all your sides,
          your imperfections
discern the divine
in the planes of your face
You are my galaxy
              of dark matter
bringing out my
           own looking glass
                         of vantablack
in a feral crown of obsidian
                             and onyx
as you reach me deep,
there's no going back

For when you love me like that,
plant your tameless,
                            hot seed
it blossoms within me
a tightly-wrapped tourniquet
               for when I bleed
and if my guts
should spill upon
               the  floor
you will remind me,
in glowing of pores
           of who I am
and how I am whole
a lovelight lit in the
storm of my soul
I will push down deeper
until I feel those roots
that connect me to
my center
  to my
succulent fruit
So slice me open.
     Pull me apart.
Let the juice run down
to heal
     your
jagged-edged
               heart

I look upon myself
from above,
not with technology
but with ancient
inner knowledge
Knowledge I have
acquired over
many times, many phases
Ánd what do I see?
A girl-woman
who has burst her chains
and is flying free.

My soul is soaring
Over the verdant greens
of hilltops and mountains
oceans and streams
I hear the faintest cry
of the foxes
and the sonar sound of whales
of mother creatures giving birth
and the quiet
wet slide of snails
I glide over mountain ranges
so high
that one must re-learn
how to breathe
heady oxygen
enters my
bloodstream.

Onto the ice floes
I continue to weave  
Snowy tundras call to me :
"Come to us and receive
The coolness to ease
your burning heart
the shade to relieve your soul…
Dive into the arctic waters
And let the deep freeze flow
Over your body
To calm and soothe
its heat
Into your heart
to temporarily relax
Its torrid beats

Onto
another world
of lush leafy forest
canopies of green
They seem
to understand my yearning
As they let off
their natural steam
instead of burning
Even the beasts cry out
as they come together,
The entire jungle is in estrus,
it seems,
as it comes alive
with a ******* music
beyond the control
of mammal and fowl
As the tigers cry,
I hear the wolves howl…
As all comes undone
At the seams

Now the vast deserts
Call me
Their whorls of texture
Twirling around my soul
But I cannot burn anymore
So I must push on
I must let them go
I need liquid, would do anything
For a drop of some form of water
Please …take me
to a stream or river
It cannot get any hotter
I need to take a dip with all
The nymphs
And otters, frogs
water lilies
sprout in my spine

Let me dive into the depths
Of freshness
Or fly into the depths
Of your soul
I raise my arms in supplication
For now
The heavens are in control


And then..whoosh..
My soul buoys up
Over to you
And within the refuge
Of  your arms
I need no landscape:
It all comes together;
The deserts, the jungles
The mountain air
The frosty ice floes
The forest floor
All the elements are
within this Love
this creation
between you and I
Passion, lust and beauty
Are the only things
That fly

…and now I have landed
no need to
restlessly roam…
for I have landed
in your air space

and my soul--
could it be?
yes,
is at
Home.

No one can see me
who I am
not really
but somehow
from so far away
you have
beyond just seen
you have looked into
those deep and mysterious places
with recognition

And I am but naked
under your gaze
I have been brought
to that slow
timeless place
where clocks stop
and the silken gauze of you
wisps around me
does its delicate inner weaving
healing my cuts, my burns
and staunching
the tears and
glass-cut
bleeding

My heart pounds
because I know
the truth
I know that
The best has come now
When has gone
The first fruited blush
Of youth
  
I know this
And I am constantly wrapped
In the tendrils of a decision
To be made
For my choice
Must be made with utmost care
And love

And I am both honored
and blessed
to fulfill
this higher quest
and waiting for the day
to take my heart out
from my chest
and follow it
to the heavens
where true fulfillment
does reside

and take you
in my arms
with honor
and silent pride

Thank you, my friend;
         for reaching out
into the night
for seeing me through
into morning's light
         a little flash
of my phone light
Thank you, friend
      for letting me know I am seen
for letting me know
       how much I mean
for communicating,
    across the wires
how much I'm dear,
         that I'm desired
This means more sometimes,
       than one could ever know
especially when your very bed
has become an ice floe
especially when the one
who is supposed to warm you
embrace who you are
and enjoy, not ignore you
who is supposed to ignite you
with kisses
keep your body hot  
is next to you, but really not
I can extend my hand
and hope to tease
Instead draw it back,
      shocked by the freeze
For the sheets have become icy
arctic winds howl
my cat could be a seal
or polar bear on the prowl
the breath from your snore
rises up as steam
for it is so **** cold
in this iced-over scene
I'm so sick and tired
of this gelid room
So weary of my heart
being pierced by harpoons
I have tried to work my magic
apply balms to the scars
to prevent the ceiling
from growing icicle shards
And my bedroom is shaken
like some chaotic snow globe
moved by invisible hands
that search and probe
for now I am an ice princess warrior
with my map unfurled
researching ways to flee this frozen world
The kayak is ready
as I set my sights
        on warmer tundras
as I weave my lightening
and spread
          my thunder

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
mine)* and it wanders over
the slopes and valleys
of my own
wildernesses
I think of you
in plains and grasslands
sleekly wet in mountain curve
as you coolly crack the
earthly fissures
of my heart  quakes
inside
morning light
you transverse
your poetic speak
deep inside my night
your are always with me
in seeping pinpoints
of brightness
of gentle storms
you rock my dark to sleep
you are present
not obsessively
yet strongly
the way people describe
alcohol in veins
you regularly cut them
open, my heartstrings
you strum upon
their vibrations
like waves of calm
intoxication
lulling me
into gentle earthquake
pleasure and centered
breaths
leaving pieces rocking
throughout
my bloodflow back
up interspersed
between beats
i carry you
(that heart of yours)
in my heart
and I treasure
this residence
you have taken up
in my desert
blooms
faraway touch of lips
makes
pulse quiet
in soft booms
your voice soothing
storms
and you i like
sweetly in
my pulse
as seeds just
grow
i carry your heart
inside mine all day
your voice soothing
storms
my raging river
in your flow

And I am finally ready
to let you go
with a snap
of fingers
a toss of hair
like arcs of
autumn leaves
thrown
up into air
leafy shadows
of light
illuminating
my face
as I remove you
from my
personal
space
Once you were
my sunset glow
brilliant colors
juicing my flow
now I release them
back to the source
how nature helps
this
liberation force

And the heaviness
of my soul
lies with yours
in communion
in the darkest
passages of
the still crystal black
nighttime prayers
thrown out
             to the wind
as I reach out in
the most tender
              of frequencies
tendrils of purest love
to envelope you
what might
be unraveling
but hopefully not
and know
that I need you
like stones need
                  solid ground
like this pillar of strength
              needs her lifeline
not to be rescued
just to be loved
and seen with
the precious
luster
of your
very
      eyes

In the floodgates
                of forever
                    I see you standing,
                 arms out, so ready
    the multiple layers
of silky delicious
       that we have created
                           until now
     swirling about us,
a storm of veils
beckoning like sea waifs
     and I am opening up
like never before
       my heart practically
                 out of my chest
                               until it is
                       flying forth,
                        a mythical
             winged creature,
prehistoric birdling
and you,
      with  your strong arms
your third eyelight
turned on
              catch it
                          hold it
                   nuzzle it
            until the rest of me
can reach you
   bursting forward
        through swathes
           of time
           turbulence a mere
                            snippet
and we meld
and merge like oceans
     hearts lit up
in electrical surge
time and place not existing
We are the sea.
We are the Earth.
We are the desert velvet
We are the wonder
in the hallways
of our arteries
We are the bloodflow
                 heartflow
of the universe within us
We reign the
ever changing existence
that keeps us whole
allowing room to breathe
to bloom in mystical
                   wild gardens
                yet binding
through realms
of our light's
endless expansion
our souls embracing
as we dream future visions
upon our tongues
and as I gaze upon you
our eyes a magnet
you ignite my glow,
the king of my citadel
festooned with
             flowerbuds
for your
        queen

She couldn't explain, how---
after the vast crawl
through the
Arctic tunnel -
at one point too dark
to even
cry mercy--
how, suddenly,
moonbeams emanate
upon the ceiling of ice

"Drop the ropes!"
she calls back
and the ice pick echo stops
Her team's eyes lifted above
candles snuffed
flashlights out
for along the glistening rock
a colorburst of illumination
ancient dancing patterns
flickering archipelagos
and she cannot understand
why all eyes
are suddenly on her…
just pregnant silence
without explanation

She only knows
That there is
a coolness
in her solar plexus
where heat once burned
when a private sort of hell
used to flicker and churn

Tendrils of light
reach out
"It's ..me" she says, astounded
For she had just been pulled
from the jet-darked skies…
as the dusk
gets  electricified..

and now
she floats
like a dance floor goddess
lost in
rhythmic paradise
whose switch for joy
has been flicked
to ON

We are not really broken
until we are broken
       and then we mend
and break again
      until our bones
become smashed
to smithereens
mapped into tiny lines
         and cracks
with some darkness
        in between
white matter, crushed
             into jigsaw pieces,
laden with blood, with spit, with silt
until the despair
that fear releases
interacts with self-blame
           and guilt
And how they weigh upon us,
these layers of pain
like heavy blankets
on our contours, in the dark
the maze of our pasts
thick upon us
as we strive to envision
                             a spark
perhaps just a tiny glowing,
at first, a barely felt
shadow of light
a glimmer, a whisper of
           knowing,
a drive urging us on
           to fight
and all of our minerals
rub off in sparkling crystals
as we brush up
against the walls
of that ever-blackened tunnel
as we stumble
and steady the fall
feeling a subterranean rumble
a shifting of perspective
as we battle questions,
spinning thick
into the whirlpool of our yearning
into molten metals, slick
We might think we can snap
                           with the ease
of a lonely brittle star
that tomorrow
could be a tribute,
              in lacerations
to the last trace
            of who we are
but it can happen, as we
sit upon, plan the edge
              of our last breath        
                       deep, subtle beats
                        of truth rise up
                to repel the scent
          of death
and, in pulses of light
                  it drifts
bends in willowy arcs
upon our soul it trips
******* light out
from the dark
and all the sharpened hooks
that kept us chained
         to the abyss
are released as
              we break free
into heaven's rolling kiss
feeling the flutters
of a new, kind breeze upon our skin
as Life's vast impulse
courses through us
     and simply wins
and the only demise
we're mourning
is the death of
          of a dormancy,
a resistance to again
receive and give
as we embrace
those little, precious instincts
that tell us to keep on
and choose
            to live

The sky was a cornflower
and the trees heavy
                  with birdsong
air fragrant with freshness
cooling the silk of my bare
heat rising from my
skin in shades of
tropical
              morning pond
oasis of damp promise
teeming with life
           under surface
mini color-popped creatures
humming with
       fluorescent vitality
fronds reaching out
in an aquatic dance
nourishing the gateway
to inner organs  
with sweet
           vitamin love
as a trip of
           buzzing, faintly heard
opens into my brainwave
revitalizing
    cleaning out toxicity
pushing out
words that lower
                       self-worth
bringing up subconscious
potions of power
harmonious with the new,
embryonic fluid of clear
                  reaching deep
into corners of
          brittle heartdust

And my lotus soul opens
            a small glowing orb
expanding in  polychrome prisms
                to the glory of
aurora-tipped streaks
           as straight into
my aching heart
       the quenching dawn
                                      speaks
My thirst slaked by
nature's mantra,
I now stand waist-deep
into grounded
            and heavenly clarity,
feeling water lilies bloom
between my thighs
as I take the occasion
to pick up the pieces
                  where my soul
left off
and despite all odds,
              arise

I sit
on a canopy
of cool air
straight,  aligned
my soul afloat
heart gently graced
Lotus palms,
fingers touching
as chakras form rainbows
from my base,  
all through my spine
divinity frothing free
In prismatic pulses
my heartwaves
flushed of poisons,
energy cleansed
I am open
as the universe opens
to me
my third eye
in blossom

and even here
you reside in my
tiniest of fibers
even if I wanted to
I couldn't wash you out
you look into me
parting me,  gently
reaching into my
deepest of
strata

I am fresh fruit,
pulled apart
My juice runs
like a godly river
without me even
parting my thighs
Time and time again
I am electrified
touching this earth
the ripe flow of you
folds me into
little earthquakes,  
seismic vibrations
Only felt by me,
shaken to subtle core

and even if I tried to
resist it
you melt into me
like breath
you rock me
from chaos
into still ponds

So
for now
to calm the raging
waters that flow over
and through me
I sit
I breathe
and feel
one with
the heavens
and earth
the inner magic
rushing to me

I have myself,
woman of woman
and you,
a part of
     my landscape
forever

I am made for love
        simply to be swallowed
inside flame
but without burning
too crisply
         feeling just east of
too much pain
I would **** it all down
I would take it all in
I would ingest that
         subtly powerful potion
fling inhibition
to the winds
run through storms
and swim through
          murky, wild ocean
I would don both wings and
antler, or horns
just to show you my
            animal instinct
I would sniff you out
in a hidden thicket
of thorns
even if physically
it's distant
I would sway my hips
join the gypsies
             in their dance
I would get naked
in the river,
hypnotized by the moon's
            seductive trance
I would cross the
longitudinal division
to cup my hands
around your face
slice through *******
         with quick precision  
if it threatened
our sacred space
I would take my sword
and cut any signal
that destroyers
              laid in path
I would challenge
the logical probabilities
of looking into your eyes
or placing my hands
upon you
(so **** what if it defies
                the math)      
The glorious point
of what I am saying
as I trip myself
through you and
fully live it
is that my stars ignite
the power
of this
liberation of
            tightened,
connected spirit
and I am not giving up
I am not succumbing
to the sirens' call
              of demise
Just watch me
bound out
from behind
the slippery
precipice
and see
my spirit rise

Please know, darling
that as you
                 slip
into your soul's abyss
my light will fill up
your darkness
like a spirit's starlit kiss
for the depth
of the black
and the distance
           mean nothing
when it comes to
           love
only our inner stars
determine what
is inside and above
So as in this chant,
                 this prayer
                     this hymn
                            of my essence
I cast forth the forces
that will make
known
    my presence
for my inner soul's nectar
is sweet water
in a state of
ever-flowing
     sometimes even tripping
      into the lip
         of your vessel
    without you
even knowing    
I am here in all ways
    except a single one
     that to look in your eyes
   is a dream rough-spun  
for aye, that physical
     has its limits,
           nonetheless
but still, from here
right into your being
          I press
my heart beating
           strong
my mind's whispers
            wild
as my fingers
stroke the hair
of your inner child
so come rest your head,
       right here,
     on my chest
Feel the tiny
quakes
that take place
as we let ourselves rest
from the world outside
from the demons within
melting the lines
of despair,
now rice-paper thin
        And our intense need
to love
and be loved
   is the true healing balm
      and now our
spirits rise up
in the night's
      lip-brushed
psalm

and to you
I make myself
           a gift
to be held in palm
unwrapped
s l o w l y,
an
       ever-
evolving
apparition of
            sculpture,
       malleable
yet firm,
with backbone
  
       and as you trace
your fingers
upon the small
      of it,
running them
               over
slopes
         of spine
watching my skin
          slip from
rough ache han
                     gi
                         ng
to
smooth quake
know that
      underneath
crisp wrappings
of papery
         gossamer
beats the ultimate
of ceremonial offerings:
the present of
       my presence,
fiery,
            pulsing
shimmering like
blood on lava
ready for you
to dip your
      heart into
         lips parting
as my breath fills your
     spirit's cavern
slick dip
        of opening
as you draw
    shadows from
my deepest
Cimmerian caves
  ******* them through  
in siphon's pull
to the side of light
        until
around you and
deep inside
you split
me
  oh so gently
and fully
completely
    apart

Under the weight
of loneliness
I wear the universe
like a cloak,
pressed around me,  pinned
holding me close in
its wild womb
gathering up the shards
of warm fire laughter
and voices
that weave into bones
rising in chants
pinnacles gently rocking
into a frenzy
of dark lunar dance

and my
inner moon rises
it's spackled lights
like penetrating eyes
wrapping me in its
blanket of
             stars

Take me
to the river
where bulrushes
silently stand
   Slip your fingers
inside my mind
as we lay back
on the alluvium's
pale, gold sand
Touch those thoughts
whirling 'round
as they're
caught up
      in the tide
Feel up
my soul's desires,
inhibitions-- cast aside
whirling like slick,
smooth algae
          our mouths
show more
than they say
gentle otters check
                        us out
inviting us to play          
Take the fragrance from
those water lillies
rub it on me
instead of clothes
Cup your hands into
                     cool water
and pour it on my toes
Then slake it over
my burning heart,
to soothe its  
         torrid beats
Then let's sprinkle pollen
from the cattails
until we are
covered head to feet
all rich yellow-hued powder
so ready for the bees
and now the time
                      has come, my sweet
to explore
what freedom
          really means          
So take my heart
into your hands
(sorry if it burns)
throw it to the
whirlpool, now gentle
             in its churns
Give me your heart in turn,
thank you kindly
for that gesture
I am not letting go
                 despite its
active embers
My fingers were made,
                          you see
to hold its dark, live coals
kiss its blood-pumped rhythms
love your pain out
if it grows
Now let's jump
into the current,
and echo laughter
through the
      shoals

Sometimes I feel
that what I have
so closely
right next to me
is so very far
there is distance
that cannot even be
named
while inside me,
a wildness
that cannot be
tamed
and I long to
break free
travel to far-off lands
get closer to
myself
as I take the spirit-reigns
into my own hands
And all the while
as I wait
trying to find that
perfect moment
for escape
I gather the warmth
and light around me
wrap it around as one,
close energetic blanket
let it charge me up
refill the spots
that have become
empty
rejuvenate that
private inner sanctum
that so few can see,
those who know
and understand
the irony
for on the circular map
marked in cities, towns
and roads
are the ones physically far
who hold me so very close
the ones who know my mind
the workings of my heart
who help gather me into wholeness
when the seams threaten
to rip apart
They know
the meanings of the ways
that this heart spills into verse
and I see how physical proximity
can be a blessing, or a curse
because when it's an illusion
it cuts right to the core
stirring up pure loneliness
bringing longing to the fore
a heightening of confusion
when the door slams in your face
and you wonder why, in your home
you can feel so out of place
And so I bless this map
mark with pins my states of love
countries and landscapes of kindness
felt through the airwaves above
and with my own love in return
I immerse all the beautiful souls
We all share the struggles and victories
provide calm
when it's out of control

I cast forth my heart to you
Let it crackle through the wires
its electricity connects
and like magic,
sweet
love
          transpires

I slash open
the fine lines
of my veins
to let in the
starry breath
            of night
fresh and fiery
as a snap of chaos
left out
in the firmament
                   to chill,
the frigid air
       weaving an
icy filigree
upon the black
cooling my blood
soothing the
night creatures
        that swerve and sway
beneath my skin
restless as tiny demons
always locked away,
                           within
They emerge from
their hibernation
into the gelid
crackle of air,
zipping over the
sheens of ice floes
unstopped by sudden
change in climate
frozen moss between
                      their claws, their toes
In this icicle-dipped
troposphere  
a burning
descends upon
        my tastebuds
just as if
you have
       kissed me
the ebbs
    of time seemingly  
    bringing you closer
    an energetic wrapping
       up and through
                  my being
like the breathiest of
polar mist
and as I gaze up
    at the tiny
      wisps of light,    
lustrous as the
     full moon scattered,
the astral plane
whirrs deep within me
stirring up my womb
ploughing the fields
                   of my mind
creating riverflow
from icy drought
soothing the
cuts and fissures
and rocky edges
of my aching
prophetess
                heart
Fragile yet callused,
toughened with time
as it beats
beneath the ice
soft as the inside of
a wounded animal
blessed by its hunters
for making itself a gift
to the tribe
apparently
      your warrior's
                    palm alone
                        can melt it
                       down
and sometimes,
          as I get
lost inside deeply
wild tundras,
suddenly
I'm
  found

Memories
of what I never had
lurk in the back rooms
of my mind
silver-tinged
with coolness,
their icy edges
     melting into tiny
colored fires
intensity of emotion
that becomes an endless,
                 lurching ocean  
                        with the ache
                       for the close,
                     rolling folds
of deep saline whispers
a merging of souls
without drowning
            a submerging
without getting
carried out
to raging sea
identity rescued
from certain
little death
          maintaining clarity
allowing for
the lasting wonder
of seeing through
each other's
eyes, hearts in
tune beating
                   strong
always keeping me
on the edge of
the most sumptuous,
delicious repast
that even in
the most heated
moments
will not burn us
to a mere crisp,
not destroy
yet also will not just fill
in limited surfaces
a cup half full,
a mind, half alive
Instead of shallow,
quickened afterglow
     I simply know
    what I  must have:
that deep, s lo w  d i v e
to the depths
of that aquatic
rhythmic wonder
the soft, liquid crystal
                       of reflection
that is in my core
and now,
as I send
        prayers to
           the winds
        of hope,
  yes, how
I bleed,
             for
               this heart
              needs
           so much
        more

Once a tiny bud
Who grew outside of her protected liquid garden
Into a flowerburst of colors
Ultra-hued light
A taste of the divine
flowing from the heaven of her scent
as I hold her and inhale
I feel my own creation and hers mingling,
with the beat of my womb.
Each day,
so many colors, growing in intensity
Each day
so much depth unfurling from within
And with that earthsong, song of whales and mermaids,
a  gorgeous iridescence
That bestows light upon me
With its transcendant holiness
I know I am thus twice blessed:
A  starsong of delight
Who blesses and re-blesses her own miracle
of creation.
My own joyful garden, both in
And out of water
Able to burst up and out,
Seed by seed by seed.
And I wish to explode with it.
For now, I take a breath.
I have. I hold.
We glow.

conquer me
with your words,
for I am a poet
     of soul
my mind as open
as my spread thighs
my lotus aching
to welcome
your sword of gold
Unsheathe.
Come close.

until there is no light
between us
for inside grows
a luminance,
             ever-burning
as sharp as ghost pepper
as soothing as
spilt milk
on petalsilk skin
as nourishing as
the stillness
of secret ponds
let us spin our tongues
into lava flowers
as we call forth courage
from the sunken
mists
   of
       time

When
that stillness comes
and centers -
        all the chaotic parts
flying in the air
slowly, in circles
         come to a gradual halt
and tranquility
washes over
like a sweet, low tide-
this is the time
to release all ego
and bid goodbye
               to pride
Emotions come
           emotions go
it's all a part of
       the same cosmic flow
When I close my eyes
I can feel my mind
I am ensconced within
an aura divine
in the tiniest of whispers
like an echo of ghosts
above my third eye
my heart seems
                  to float              
I am connected
to the stars
they speak my name
and inside that heart,
             a golden flame
burning in passion yet
also in faith
in the ability to get through
the darkness in strength
In moments like these
I reach out to the earth
                     growing my roots
in grounding rebirth
I can hear them forming
in soft crackles
     my fingers sprouting
tender green shoots
In my moments like these
my mind is released  
to purity of air
I am wrapped in my own glow
Away from self-judgement's
                                       harsh glare
       and the scepter of peace
inside my body
so lovingly reigns
as coolness of water
slakes through
my veins
My ventricles fill
with the breaths
                          of life
releasing up to winds
stress and strife
I bless each one
with a barely-uttered phrase:
May there always be
times of spiritual ease
with the silent magic
         of moments like these

She sits
looks up
at the stars,
eyes a-light
with turquoise fire
Her dreams weave
a tapestry of colors
and dancing stars
She might not know it,
but her heart is pure
like the arc of a moonbeam
Her hands cup sunlight
which she sips like water
and it glows out from her
Both warrioress
and artist,
feet on ground
yet dreams celestial
her inner wisdom shines
with what in these fourteen years
she has learned
and will always know
So there she sits
humming a sweet song
There she sits
and glows

So it seems
morning light
comes softly
after rain
floating over thorns
and spikes
of pain
chisled metals
come to be
softly brushed
bristles
of silken needles
sharpened thistles
and I can release
my balloon heart
a bit up
to skies
and let the cool
air kiss its
surface quiet
In the daylight
At least clouds
do not always
burst from
layered peaks
at least
tears
do not push
one over rough
and common edges
at least whispers
haunt in a space
more softly,
kindly
expanding back
the walls
of a vision once
limited

My house is falling apart
Doors unhinged
Appliances on the brink
Electricity crackling where it shouldn't be
My heart
Is trying desperately to remain
Unbroken
I hold it like a soapy dish I've just washed
Hang it gingerly on the line
Let the hot desert wind
Caress it
As it beats.
With each beat I go into myself
For another journey into my alternate universe
A carefree adventure
Of travel, love and lust
Stories untold coming to life
As I spring forth and dance
Energy sparking out from my veins
As my heart spills over with joy and vivacious
glory.
As I go through my list of mundane tasks
That keep my house whole and my children safe,
happy and clean
fed with spoonfuls of my love
I am half relieved that I can provide this:
Mother Earth at her best,
protective arms encircling
their realm.
They do not know that
the other half is all caged animal,
Longing for the wild plain,
The jungle, the ocean
To run without stopping
Or swim
As deep as
I please.
Soar as high
As the sky will allow.
What is this fragile balance that tips ever so slightly
Over the brink
Of sanity?
For now collapsing into
A cool crisp bed
On this hot summer night
Will have to do.
I launch into the land of dreams
as my heart beats  on,
its strings pulling ever
so slightly up
delicate cords tethered
to my chest.
I take my kite-heart
And wrap its strings around my home,
keeping it together as I fly away.

August, 2013

I have a secret heartache
and it will not go away.
It will need
some time to heal
And it will,
I hope and pray.
I only wanted
fulfillment
I never meant
to cause pain
or feel hurt
in my own soul
as love washed away
like rain

I hope the other
feels it
That love was had and lost
And treasures
The gift given
Even though
It has now
been cruelly tossed.

So now I must nurse
this secret heartache
as I hope
for better days
and wait for the  
pain to subside
by extinguishing
the blaze…
By simply
letting myself feel
by reminding myself
I am whole
that I am worthy
of being loved
and strong
within my soul

Lick the words
from my lips
let them slide down
your throat
like fruited jewels,
   dark, hard candies
   that melt into cream
a healing liquid  
oozing into my
               ventricles,
pumping milky beats
out through
           your cells
permeating the deep
of my wild
  
My syllables will
   wrap themselves
      around your syntax
frothy hybrids
of buttered silk
                and irony
heart-to-heart
conversations that
flow into the ether,
as heaven's night
endlessly begins

We twirl our tongues
into guttural utterings,
lustful verse
that glides from
slick-fervored ice
to an outpour
                    of lava
We feed each other
dreams
our saliva like honey
dripping with dawn's
tender glow
as we open up
like baby birds,
begging to be nourished
at all costs

Here,
in this lingual forest
Your breath finds a home
on my tastebuds,
my tongue
in your
          cheek
            
In between the tumults
of our
exploding oceans
This
     is how we
  love

This house
slowly unraveling
peeling off in layers
            like citrus of sectioned
freshness
      squeezed out of bounds
                            my heart
                    all caught up
in rooms, furniture
f l y In g
no longer rooted
by familial gravity
My veins wrapped
in long strands of
              live wires
hugging each item tight
                 as if to unlock
       the memories that
scintillate within
and I
      radiate my  
            feelings of forever
to somehow imprint them
before they
whirl and swirl off
into the universe
Snippets of our lives
in angled slices
of colored mirror
a look
    a smile
       a glint in the eye
children laughing
               a garden surprise
               crazy kitchen singing
                      first solids and a bib
              first little sweet dance
      beatific smile from the crib
the bedroom for cuddles
little bugs wrapped in blankets,
so close and so dear
flanked by both of us,
guardians of light,
keeping out fears
Once, we claimed private time
velvet kisses down
trails of skin
hot lusted shadows
gently sliding within
This is how love corrupts
         how old batteries explode
            burning rust that erupts
                        as I break out
            from the mold
Now your words hit my skin
in bad chemical reaction
knives and arrows of rupture
as my bone marrow
                       gets fractured
Insides are spilling out
guts all over the floor
all this chaos created
as I split
     through
              the door

The night
unwraps our dreams
offers them up
as dark gifts
to the guardians
and goddesses,
a silken obsidian
cloak studded
with hints
of quartz or
tiger's eye
some black, some gold,
all glowing
as the embers
of tomorrow
gleam in our eyes

We are
the creatures
of the night
no tears for us
as we soar
taking on
such glorious
         heights
up through
trees, up
through the
invisible threads
between stars
in silvery wefts
I will bring home
the nourishment
to my little ones
nestled in their
warm nesty twiggy
holes safe curled
in lairs
we are
the protectors
of the light
that starts
in darkness
and arcs
        like a flare
we ride alone
but when we give
we yield
completely in
full thrusts and
curlicues,
glow-in-the
dark patterns
as leaves
cascade and
comets fall
around
the shadows
then, in the
morning's first
sun peeking
I land and find
that peace
a kind of
proximity to
that love
I'm
  seeking



'

And I,
I am in no man's land
caught between continents
straddled between seas
as they roll
from the deep
and splash up on my knees

I am in between
a place
of light emerging
upon my face upturned
a kind of healing on the way
and also of emotion surging
rough waters breaking
on the quay

I cannot control it
cannot take it anymore
having such multiple times
to peel my heart from the floor

I wander here, in this land
pick strange fruit from the trees
I forage for berries
following birds and the echoes of bees

I look around
And try to see the wonder,
as lightning strikes down
as the skies rage in thunder

I am looking for you
but cannot find your presence
and at dusk,
in my loneliness
here I learn my lessons

For I seem to be cursed
to wander my days
In this in between place
Of longing
that just stays
and stays.

I know
you must go
but before
you do—
please understand
that this knowing
and feeling of
                       y o u
even before we met
was never limited
                     to this place
it is a continuum
    on the spectrum
        of time and space
that power
of seeing into the soul's eye
recognition of spirit
talking straight into "I"
gentle wisdom, soft words
with burning truth
hard lessons learned
from the echoes of youth
reaching out, into skies
  voices in the night
ready to battle enemies
for each other's spirit-fight
       and no matter
           where you go
into the dark , into stars
I am here. You are there.
A couple million miles,
but not really so far
I will always
         listen to it..
that quiet vibe
beneath the surface
and I know that sometimes
changing place
is also changing purpose
So, yeah, while I will miss seeing
the letters of your name
that is not the real essence
that is not the aim
A slight switch for you
                          in direction,
but on the same road we stay
let's face it:
Our hearts
are bound up
with each other
anyway

Walking down
       Second Avenue
inside trips of
       electric pulse
my eyes peeled back
to take it all in
my senses full
       of whizzing
action as I
hold your hand
in innocent wonder
I still take a stand
asking questions,
sometimes shyly
observing how I might
want to be
                    or not
colorful people
some with kids
some with spiky hair
clothes of all kinds
progressive air
we turn the corners
(Dad, are those
two women kissing?)
my eyes wide
yes I must
must keep them open
to access what I'm missing
punk queens and their friends
people of every culture
faces of every shade
some friendly some bitter
from dark onyx
          to cool jade
then sophisticated
streets with window
jewel-toned
                     dazzle
to contrast the
nitty-grit
of Lower East Side
street art
        rough-edged
frazzle
West Side laid back
in its pre-hipster scene
now I am a soul-searching
adolescent, my hair dyed
a minty hue of green
vintage skirts and short-spiked hair
feeling anonymous and happy
loving the looks as I
kept my gaze steady
inside feeling my
budding womanhood
at work, making
                     me heady
and how I remember
as a kid
going to visit my grandpa
                                  at work
way up high
amazed by those Twin buildings
slicing clear blue sky
in an elevator that moved
from winds side to side
seeing the whole world
from the top
what a trip, what pride
Flashback to later
in a far-away land
all pregnant
my mouth dropping open
I watched them be ravaged
cityscape landmarks
sawed off in the middle
like a King Kong movie,
                  our eyes disbelieving
fire and brimstone
so much grieving
Trying to call dad and panicking
(***  is he supposed
go to the WTC branch today??)
Not believing how our
           belief in people
turned us into prey
My city I no longer live in your ribs
But you beat inside me
             today everyday
all months not only September
yet today tears do flow
as I vow
    to remember

I am bursting up and out
       into the flow of the stars
pulled into the night air
      as if by magnetic forces
I am colliding with comets
        yet not quite exploding
it's that ecstatic moment
      just before the tiny lights run
from toes to head in electric pleasure
          harmony with the universe
vibrates within
                pulses in aurora arcs
I am a space traveler
      my soul light glowing
unto the earth
   freshly released from the dark
in perfect syncopation
It is ecstasy without losing total control
It is beauty within sultry beauty
It is the letting go
          of temporary madness
the culmination of much awareness
                         a celebration of inner knowledge
It is so tangible I can taste it
and as dewdrops
of rainbow light prisms
dance upon my tongue
I am beaming
thankful
Oh so thankful
               for all
I now become

Lay me down
      in those fields  
         of silken flowers
        where the buzzing
        over our heads
       whirls us into
   lightspun holy
my dress a metaphor
for loneliness
as you lift it off
and let it disintegrate
into the evening's
electric ether
your lips
    undoing the tight
       leather laces
        that have held my
     heart in place
until now
Now.
undo them
   in unfurled totality
let my feminine essence
drip, in non-verbal words
onto your fingers
let my elements
   light you up
    from within
firebrand sunset
in molten metallic sheen
indigo lip of ocean
melding into crackling
            hiss of earth
               and humming
                   under this
                dark rich loam
              tiny vibrating buds
     sprout from fossils
trilobites become
hazy with new moss
seething insects
lay eggs and spawn
feeling the bloodpulse,
that simmer of surface
in slick magnet energy
Curled stems of wild
poppies and zinnia
tie down my wrists
snake around my thighs
clasp my
tender-***** ankles
as if to open me
up even more
than I thought
            my soul
                   could go
and I do not resist
for soon they will
accompany you
as you decorate my
deepest womb
              with blossoms          
filling me with your
soul's seed
your musk-scented fervor
nestled, subaqueous
into the root of
my sweet
       deep
of  
  need

You
      I see
in smile-crinkled eyes
our later emotional distance
would have led
to my demise

You
how we reunified
awkward, then sweet
I almost didn’t recognize
              this frail man
standing by
the train station street
only when you
waved, started
limping did I understand
       And I said, "No! Wait" and
flew over to you,
a five-year- wait
for a bearhug
  so long overdue

You had forgotten your cane
in the excitement
of it all
My heart was strained
in tenderness
and worry that you
would fall

You
only you
could always make me
laugh uncontrollably
embarrassing me
in NY streets
   with songs and general madness
teaching me about life
on our city walks
and talks
observations made
through Second Avenue
diners
   and Sunday parks
our secret language
           and made-up
funky creature
our "who's gonna eat
the most spicy thing"
an essential
Chinese restaurant
                  feature

I cried each night
for a month
after you left the house
          thinking you left because of me
even though you and mom
explained it countless times
that this was untrue
but alas--- seven-year-olds
have their reveries
and when you did remarry-
a few years later
I grew to love her, too

My crazy-sweet
quietly loving
always open to me
never judging
How I hurt you
So unintentionally
And how finally,
in such grace,
you came back to me

You
are still my precious
bear hug sweet daddy
survivor of war
of car accidents
always wanting me
to meet my dreams
I think of you, now
so lonely
over there
I sit in my solitude
quietly stare

How ironic
We are again close
yet an ocean apart
a phone line's airwave
away
from my
        open heart



'

just when the dust
settles round my lust
and the thud
of despair hits bottom
just as I flail
and swim in this
blood-caked,
         soulless earth
soup of the lost
abyss of unbirth  
you plunge my wilderness
charred with remains
from hellfire
and we breathe
                 halos  
our bones lighted sticks,
colors rising in
angel arcs

Your rib cage
is open
for my tremulous offering
as my lips imprint
a crimson O
upon the earthquake
of your chest
I am still down with the
                           earthworms
wrist **** sopped
                    by soil
arteries, bashed
split to the root
by verbal hurts
in a sliding psyche of oil

yet here you are
suturing wounds
with whiplash kisses
saltlick moans in my throat
You wrap me in gauze
through the imprint of your eyes
turn my cuts
into fresh brook
gaze upon my
deepest darkness
like goddess worship shrine

my **** is a funnel
for your whipped light
sacrifice ****** prayer
skinned to the core
all layers exposed
your lips slick
with the drip
of my bliss,
deep juice of
freshly-caught
jungle hum
all is bared
we stop at nothing
paint our tongues
with tears
adorn the face of death
with ripe guava
and, as you scream
my name into
a blown glass whisper
my soft fruit
falls into
the heat of
          your palm

somewhere
in distance
a
        moon
explodes

A kiss
and a cry
shouts of joy,
a tremulous sigh
soldiers come back
from faraway lands
reunited couples,
entwining hands
parents with balloons
and outstretched arms
children returning with groups,
safe from harm
myriad languages
bouncing off the walls
echoes of longing,
tears that fall
Airports are centers
of piquant emotion
and I sit, waiting for you
in excited devotion
thinking of how
you raised me,
on your side, alone
how oceans divide us
except for the phone
how we fight to keep
our connection alive
how your grandchildren
and I
are your source of pride
And so, mother of mine,
my hug waits in these arms
to burst forth to you
as you step off the storm
of longing and missing
into our calm and light
our renewed closeness
and bond
about to
take flight

It just goes on and on
doesn’t stop
and won’t
even if you try to turn me
into a glacier
even if my next stop
is one ice floe over
only the seals and whales
for company
I am going to love you
into the thaw
melt the ice
around your heart
Again and again and again
until the water will flow
and buoy me up
put me in the
path of your ocean
and we shall be carried
in the currents
until they merge

I have had this aching
for a long time
            bubbling
just beneath my skin
causing me pain and longing
of the most piquant kind
tears would flow as the sting
somehow always
caught up from behind
             Now in this house
           of boulders and fire            
come to the fore
unspoken desires
I am left to stand in
front of the blaze
my hands left empty
eyes searching, a-glaze
It is overwhelming
to be almost consumed to the core
and yes, I am on the brink
of
       spontaneous
                   combustion
but before I go over the edge
there is something
I would like to say
to you
You.
who have started  
flowing through
my veins
in gentle intoxication
soothing an ancient phenomenon
that cuts through layers
of rock and stone
turning over fossils
and revealing bare bone
If in the earth's center
is made of fire
then you are coolness
Your hands
have placed balm
on the burn
and if there is a danger
that invisibility  will all-consume
then your eyes have
seen me
and my open wound
despite distance
and anti-physical resistance
some unknown force
is in bloom