you are the nerves in my sunken brain
you are the dead sockets in my eyes
you are the blood in my stained veins
you are the quotes on my favorite book
you are the verse of my favorite song
you are the chords in my favorite piano piece
you are the flowers in my garden
you are the soil that keeps the grass growing
you are the dance my body breaks into
you are the memory behind the burning letters
you are the intense reason behind my sleepless nights
you are the elixir to my hopeless days
you are the star in the center of my galaxy
you are the lost concentration when i study
you are the face that captures my attention
you are the scent that i can't get over
you are the reason behind this relapse
you are the reason behind my shivering fingers
you are the reason behind this writer's block
you are the definition of ephemeral dalliance
you are the evocative thoughts that cloud my mind
you are the aftertouch that dissolves in my skin
you are the talisman that keeps me going
you are the penumbra of happiness
you are the reason behind my facade of nonchalance


you are everything that i think you are,
*& everything i think you are not.

It's silly how I found you so weird
How I laughed silently at how lame your jokes were
How I cried silently at how I had to explain how nothing was your fault

It's silly how I regret, yet constrain myself
Because as much as I think of you,
I hate you for the things you said.

It's silly how you have no idea, sillier that you probably never will
But I never want to see your face again,
Although you made me smile.

You made me feel things when I didn't know how to,
And it makes me happy sometimes.
The other times, I hate you for using me.

And sometimes, I hate you for messing around,
I also hate you for killing my self-esteem.
You could call it self-torture,
But I rather stay away,
Than to allow you to grow flowers in my heart,
After pouring acid all over the garden,
*Twice.

It's funny how one day you're so motivated
And the next, you forget how it even happened.

It's funny how one day you're laughing,
And the next, you wish you could do it again.

It's funny how one day you're wishing you never exist,
And the next, someone reminds you why.

It's funny how one day you're filled with hope and glimmer,
And the next day one person takes it all away.


It's funny because I sometimes am lost,
I wish I knew how I feel;
And I wish I knew how to say it out loud.
I wish I knew how to breathe
*Instead of drowning, over and over again

Today,
I fear love.

Today,
I fear oblivion.

Tomorrow,
I'll break free.

The day after tomorrow,
I'll see things from different perspectives.

Each day,
*I'll be a better person.

One day I was sitting by a tree,
By the park filled with laughter
Of a child, of a mum, of a dad, of a brother.

A leaf fell to the ground
And I thought " What a pretty leaf "
As I was thinking if I should pick it up,
An old lady who was about 70 years of age walked pass and said,
" What is this garbage doing here? Doesn't anyone clean the park? "
She then picked the leaf and and straight into the bin it went.

She walked away and I began thinking.
It was obvious then,
We're all humans and fortunately, gifted with a pair of eyes.
And unfortunately, we see things with our very own pair of eyes.
Thus, forming a contradiction of opinions.

You can't force upon your opinion upon someone else,
Nor should you only believe in your opinion.
Someone else may be right sometimes, at the same time,
You may be too.

Here comes point number two.
Because we see things differently,
What I think is beauty, may seem to you as unfascinating.
What I think is normal, may seem out of the box to you.
What I think isn't attractive, may be the world to you.

But that is okay,
Opinions were meant to be heard.
Thoughts were meant to be listened to.
Hopes were meant to be fulfiled,
And feelings were meant to be felt.

*Unless you've got nothing nice to say,
Then you keep your mouth shut.

Yesterday a question got me thinking
I never got an answer, I'm hoping I will by the end of this poem


" How do you explain color to a blind man "
How do you explain how red and blue makes purple?
How do you explain how red and yellow makes orange?
How do you explain that the sky is of different shades of turquoise, blue, purple, red, depending on it's mood?
How do you explain the clarity of the clouds on a hot day?
How do you explain the greyness on the clouds, on a gloomy Sunday?
How do you explain the transparent color of the raindrops?
How do you explain the glossy finish on the sea water?
How do you explain the greenness of a forest?
Or the deep red blood that flows in your veins?
How do you do it, to a person who sees nothing, but black;
In a world so cruel?


" How do you explain sound to a deaf man"
How will I explain the beauty of a piano piece?
How will I explain the serenity of the da capo in a violin piece?
How will I explain the stress releasing qualities of drums being slammed?
How will I explain the tears of a newborn baby?
How will I explain the laughter of a newly married woman?
How will I explain the swish of the droplets colliding like bullets on the surface of a waterfall?
How will I explain the glass-like water cascading down the lake?
How will I explain all this, to a man;
Who lives in utter silence.


Maybe that is why I read,
*Do not mock a pain you have not endured.

Maybe it's the way the national flag flies so high
Despite the country's imperfections
Maybe it's the way we're united
Not separated, despite the difference in cultures,
Believes, traditions, languages

Maybe it's the way you see an Indian eating with chopsticks,
The way you see a Malay in a saree,
The way you see a Chinese making ketupat's for Hari Raya.

Maybe it's the unity you see,
Maybe it's the goosebumps you feel when you say Merdeka,
Maybe despite the hate you have towards history,
Deep down, you know how grateful you are to be Malaysian.

Maybe it's the way you walk into a mamak,
And say
" tauke tapau roti canai 1 milo ais 99 "
And maybe,
It lies in diversity,
Beyond everything else.

*Malaysia, tanah tumpahnya darahku.