fear is looking the mirror and watching
all your flaws scream at you
one at a time
every day
fear is never being good enough
to live up to expectations
day by day
minute by minute
fear is running away from reality
because the places in your head
provide a better serenity
every second
fear is knowing you're afraid
but not being able to do anything about it
fear is a vortex
fear ***** out your courage
self esteem
hope
faith
everything, it takes everything away.
fear is a call into the open void
fear is a parallel universe on it's own
fear is oblivion,
fear is the ultimate weapon of destruction
fear is disability
fear is drive,
fear is parasite,
fear is unforgiving
fear is merciless
fear, is what i felt
the day i knew everything i put my hope and faith into,
was a lie all along

forgive the disorientatedness of this poem, it reflected the condition of my *mind and heart.

do you still stay up all night
do you still wonder of all the things that we could have been
do you still wish there was room to fix what went wrong

do you stay up counting dandelions
do you still find it hard to fall asleep when the rain hits the roof
do you still think of all the things that went wrong

do you still think of all the things that could have gone right
do you still write

because everytime i do

*i think of you

Today someone asked me why do I write
And I stared blankly into thin air
And then someone asked me
" What do you see in those words? "

And then I merely looked up and said
" What don't I see in those words? "


Maybe it's the way these words have power
Maybe it's the way these words collide and form
Beautiful,
Life changing,
Phrases.

And soon I'll forget the color of your eyes
and you'll forget mine.

Isn't it funny
How we become so attached to people
Only to detach months if not years later?

Isn't it funny
How the ones we let our guard down for,
Are the ones that make us build our walls higher then before?

Isn't it funny
How we fall in love
And either remain lovers



Or become

Permanent
*strangers.

Yin and Yang
Active and Passive
Positive and Negative
Good and bad
Happy and sad
Agree and disagree
Yes and no
Satisfaction and dissatisfaction
Success and failure

As far as I see it,
There are three options.
Black, and white, and grey.

You draw the line between what seems like direct opposites,
You decide what you want to be,
You decide what you want to feel.
And when you can't,
You lie within the grey space,
But it's okay.

Even in the grey space,
*You matter.

I haven't been able to write,
Because I haven't been feeling right.

I tried to think of something positive,
With the hopes that things will turn out ok
But the moon kept sinking,
And the sun kept rising.

Into the horizon I stared,
Hoping for a spark to appear,
A flame to ignite,
A path to be written

I don't know what I want
I don't know what I need
I don't know who I want
I don't know who I need

I don't know
But it's okay
I don't want to know
I don't need to know

I want to make the most
Out of this very moment.



Now, I feel



*Infinite.

Isn't it funny how
You **** your suicidal thoughts by talking someone out of suicide
You **** your sadness by telling someone it's not worth being sad
You **** your happiness by sacrificing it for people who don't appreciate it


Isn't it funny how
It's so easy for you to say " tomorrow will be a better day "
But tomorrow never comes

Isn't it funny how
It's so easy for you to say " good things happen to those who wait "
But you never know how long the wait is

Good things don't happen to those who wait,
Good things happen to those who are bold enough
To venture through the spirals
To seek their way through the holes
And emerge stronger than ever

Good things happen to those who are willing to try


and try



and try




and try


After being shot down,
*A million and one times.