In a moment I knew I am cold
I began to prolong
The things I got used to
Never minding the numbness
And  the blasted frost bite.

I guess I got used to this feeling
    the make-shift of emotions,
Never falling.


*© Pax

Living in this world, often times I feel - claustrophobic.
Living inside their system, often times I feel - restrained.
Living inside a shell, often times I feel so - distant.

Watching my world slowly collapsing.
Watching my reality in slow motion, pretending.
Watching my fantasy more than what’s real, it keeps me sane.


*© Pax

If I ever think I am not loved or just felt worthless,
all I have to do is think of
    someone - a friend or family
        who truly cares, and then everything
   comes in perspective.

© Pax

I don't remember much of that day.
Can't even recall how it began.
I just think I remember something.
Faces. People. Tools.
Doctors milling around.
They seemed to be congratulating each other.
Apparently, something succeeded.
My skin was cold against the metal table.
"What happened?" I tried to ask.
I doubt it came out quite right.
"It's done. The surgery is over," one said.
They tried to explain.
I couldn't hear them.
What surgery?
I tried to raise up.
"Slowly. You're still out of it."
My hand ran across my chest.
There were stitches across it.
"What did you do?"
"Removed your heart. You'll thank us."
Now, it seems like a dream.
Not sure if it really happened.
I can't thank them.
I can't feel.
I wish it was just a dream,
But sometimes...
I still feel the scars.

the room is spinning
or maybe its just my head
things are pulling themselves apart
or maybe I'm just looking through a kaledascope
my mind is screaming
or maybe its just my mouth
my hands are searching
maybe looking for you.

Body shaking
Heart racing
Mind scattered
Feeling dizzy
Need help
Can't talk
Go away
Can't walk
Pass out
Why not cry a little too

Hello my name is anxiety

if you're lost without               direction
i will be one of maybe             just a few        
i can be    your  own                compass                  
let me        encompass          you, when
direction       is unknown       my arms
are a                 place to                move,
come                    in enjoy the warmth
for i                           will always face
north                            straight true
                          
when your life is all recessions
and really all  depressions  too
let me be
your
compass
let me come encompass you
your Longitude and Latitude are
all thrown
in a muck
let me get you to a place,
where you wont feel so stuck


               The tropic of cancer
       Is not a place for one to linger
  if you need to             grab my hand
hold on like i'm               your stringer
   when you cant                
       gasp another
           breathe and    
               there   isn't
                   anything
                       you  can do
come, and          let me be your    
compass,                let me come  
  and                        encompass you
   every sigh                  you relieve      
     will help                    find you on
          the map,                 and every
             time you             squeeze
                my hands, will help
                      you to relax
                      

this world is                     full of                     problems, one
thing that im                for sure, so                lets forget all
  the complacent           and replace               them with
    something               more,      wipe           away your
       tears you              wont         need        them where  
          we are          going.             if your    lost ill be
           your paddles                         we can find the
            way together                          and just like
              a little                                   compass ill
              be here                                     forever

Who is she?
She asks impolitely
A fire lit in her eyes
Before I can speak
My lips are bound
She doesn't care
Who she is
Just that she is
The problem is
I enjoy her presence
And she enjoys mine
But I could never tell her that
She wouldn't understand
See she is beautiful
Yet she understands me
When I see her
My heart skips a beat
When I see her
I get weak in the knees
So while my lips are restrained
I can only think
I am so much better off with her