His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison,
That seeped deep into my bones,
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.

Remind me why we sin
with the pressure of your lips
tongue tie me
to your sheets
and whisper long syllables
of slow honey
and sting me with your gaze
meeting mine where
fear and pleasure mix
and strip me of my human name
and sacrifice it to the love
of pleasure you keep within your ribs
and show me the stars
you keep below your skin
and tell me of the scars
you wear proudly on your heart
tell me no lies
and I’ll give you my truth
and with a silent word
and a burning kiss
let me remind you
why we sin

Funny how I swore;
not to lose my mind,
if you ever leave;

Funnier how
I didn't know;
that it is the heart;
that'll go missing.

in those late, fragile hours
on those dark, desolate nights
my soul seems to wander the earth
searching for a heart that matches mine

if soulmates do exist
then it is true that my soul was cut in two;
Plato was not fallacious when he said the soul splits in two

once you caressed my hand in yours,
and our fingers intertwined
i knew that this was forever,
that we were forever,
when i saw my life in your eyes

Maybe I'm not around
quite as often as I used to.
Maybe I don't post threads
quite as often as I used to.
Little things I should have said and done
I just keep to myself now.

You are always on my mind.
Maybe I didn't tell you
all those many, many times
but I often thought of you
hoping you would be fine
only wanting for you the best
as I know you need to rest.

You are always on my mind.
Tell me, tell me what you're doing with your time.
Give me, give me one more little sign
to keep me satisfied, satisfied.
Little things I can imagine in my mind
how you're killing your time.

You are always on my mind.
Maybe I'm not around
quite as often as I used to.
Maybe I don't post threads
quite as often as I used to.
Little things I should have said and done
I just keep to myself now.
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that I know you.
Maybe I didn't tell you
quite as often as I should have.

My mind is falling into pieces
Into small strands of string
Floating away into the wind

It is so hard to make sense of things
My mind is always on it
My issue, my problem

I want help
But am so scared
What will they think of me?
Will they tell me it’s all fake?
That this feeling inside of me that I am meant for something more
More than this world can offer me
Is wrong?

I want my stories to be real
I want to have magical abilities
I want this all to be a dream and that I will wake up tomorrow

If I do get help
What will they think of me?
Will they feel betrayed?
These characters I have created
Will they leave me for someone more reliable?

What if I let it all go?
All these stories, these creations
Will they leave me cold and helpless?
I’ve worked so hard to become the person that I am

If I just let it go,
Will it die away?
Will I die away?