She swings upon her crooked pendulum,
her eyes burning with a scarlet fire.
Her white dress cannot mask what I know to be
her deepest and darkest desire.


*-lf-

My aunt had a yellow Volkswagen Beetle
As bright as her hair, as fierce as her mind
With a sharp tongue, she left every man behind
She thought she could change him
But
My aunt is the one bearing the scars.
*-lf-

"*****, filthy, subhuman creatures"
They don’t care if you’re doctors,
lawyers or teachers
They’ll kidnap your children,
spit on your soul
Terrorize your family,
kick in your door

They’ll drug your mind with propaganda
Cut out your tongue if you try to stand up
They’ll beat you till you bleed
But we never plead for mercy,
No we never claim defeat

They’ll kick you under the desk,
send you slamming into the wall
They’ll laugh and kick you harder,
if you try to get up, if you try to crawl

But our crawling brings us to our knees,
Slowly, we rise up to our feet
And we’ll face the persecution
The vile, mind-prostitution

They **** our women and our children,
Just as much as they **** our minds
****** our emotion,
But they will not ****** our pride
Our dignity is our iron,
Our religion is our crime.
But you cannot destroy us
Believe me, many have tried.

There is silver in our blood,
Gold in our soul
Oil paint coats our skin
And our words swallow you whole

Our hearts are poets,
Constructing your fears
Our thoughts are daggers and arrows
Our minds are cunning engineers

You can hang us from the ceiling
You can throw us in a tank of gas
But our lungs are as pure as snow
And this pain will never last

We have risen from the ashes
Hear our battle cries
We do not yield weapons
In silence,
we ride
*-lf-

We have buried the (((center))) of our being in layers of rigid hypotheticals,
pouring the cement of impossibility and refusing to drill deeper for
fear of an oil spill, an explosion, the expulsion of a dormant soul.

[If we]
[[If you]]
[[[If I]]]

The taste of a silent stroke on my tongue,
iron from the blood of unhealed wounds.
Metallic memories refusing to be forgotten
fighting to be remembered.

[You fools]
[[You fool]]
[[[I am a fool]]]

The scent of a carcass creeps into my nose,
rotten flesh from a casket broken up.
Frankenstein fears refusing to be mocked,
fighting for resurrection.

Even the bones of ancient species remerge as fossils to be found.

*-lf-

The anger rushes through my blood like *******,
After all this pain,
Hearing your voice will never be the same.
It courses through me, calm and collected
I try to be, I try to be.
Breathing air like I will never be given oxygen again
And you smile, but I reciprocate with one of pain.
My heart hardens into a stone,
Putting the final brick on this wall that I have built
This wall that blocks emotion; the soul you killed.
The anguish that has tormented me for so long has surfaced,
All neatly packaged into this situation I cannot escape.
And try as I might I can't erase the image of your face.
That smirk that shapes your lips, painted by Deceit
As I stare back my eyes reflect the fury lying beneath
The rage, that has been held back for far too long,
Eager to burst through my veins,
Like a dove waiting to break out into song.
Thoughts of retaliation burn holes in my mind,
Leaving all thoughts of understanding behind
Lies, they dribble through your lips like fine wine.
Blood red and ever so bitter with your insecurities.
The insecurities that are being heaved onto my back
You ****** them against me, trying to make up for what you lack.
But I’m fading; I’m a passing fog that once carried the Sun
And when you finally notice its beauty, I will be long gone.
*-lf-

I want to learn to live again.
Someone teach me how to breathe again.
Inhale, exhale, slow.
No more, no more.
I am not strong.
I cannot hold on.
Much longer.
I want to learn to to feel again.
Someone teach my blood to flow.
Hollow eyes, easy demise.
Going down, going down.
Take my kingdom, take my crown.
Take my head, spin it round.
Smile, smile, they’re looking at you
They’re watching your eyes
They’re watching your moves.
Don’t flinch, don’t break
How much can you take?
You fake, you fake.
Fake.
Fake.
My life is nothing
Withering flower
In a fragile state
*-lf-

Fantasy swirls --
taking over my mind.
I see desire caressing my small silhouette,
except I’m no longer so
s m a l l
I’m larger than life --
larger than the hands of the men
that push me into the earth.

The dreams of my desire grow like moss
all over the stinging thorns of reality.
Circuitry constructs happier versions
of the sad souls that I know --  
the dullness that fills my day with black and white
At night,
my mind comes alive with technicolor brilliance.
But I’m afraid I’m aging in front of desire--
laying myself naked, body wrinkled and deteriorating
in front of dreams that cannot be sparked.
And no matter how hard I try
to ignite reality,
my fantasies have used up all my oxygen, and factuality
has choked itself to death.

*-lf-

broken church
sins drowning veins
breathe like silence won’t pull you down
torn dignity spinning you away

                        your body isn’t love

children inhale battered minds
like it’s an inhaler
but it won’t save them
it won’t pull these waves
from my flesh
and stop my little lips
from smiling at death

I dream of your sweat
when we’re entangled

but your thoughts are vile
and my bones don’t need you
filthy
bloodied
broken churches

*-lf-

Your words are hollow
But your eyes fill the void.
*-lf-

This isn’t a poem about the way your fingers intertwine with mine
Because they’ve never been entangled with another set of hands.
This isn’t a line of prose about your soft lips on my calloused, tired skin
Because only the wind has caressed my body
This isn’t a work of art confessing little sweet nothings that you whisper in my ear
Because the sound of my pen on paper are the only whispers that I hear
This isn’t an elegant post-modern work about the way you wipe away my tears
Because my tears blend into my cheeks, become a part of who I am, moulded into my soul
This isn’t a ******* poem about you,
Because there’s only ever been
Me.
*-lf-

And he said:
"Darling,
you are beautiful;
darling, don't be sad."
And even though
he didn't last,
he gave me back
the life
I never had.

*-lf-

It’s funny that as a writer I trust actions more than words - perhaps it’s because I know they’re used with manipulative intention - they’re meant to bury truth, hide it with sugar-coated, superfluous syntax.
*-lf-

I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry that you can’t
Love me.
I’m so hard to swallow
My words are lined with glass shards
My voice is never airy
I’m just a jumbled mess
And I’m sorry
I’m sorry I’m not put together
I’m sorry that I can’t let go
I want to
I’m sorry I won’t break down these walls
But it’s gonna take more than an axe
I’ve already tried that
I’ve tried everything
But I’m trapped
And I’m sorry you can’t love me
I can’t even love myself

*-lf-

you can still feel
lifeless
with a pulse and
heartbeat
*-lf-

Her skull;
sallow and broken -
full of decay
ruined beyond repair.

*-lf-