I'm lack-lustre.

I'm the disappointment that emerges from the transformation of a book
that should have been kept confined to print but was forced onto the silver screen anyway.

I lose my shine when I come to life.

                                *-lf-

Clouds collide
releasing lightning
as we touch;
hurling me into
trees as we rumble

              *-lf-

You chase her
and get nowhere.
I chase you
around back alleys
and all I get are strangers
who resemble you.
But their touch doesn't fool my body.
When will we get it right?

*-lf-

How can I let my lifeline be something
so inconsistent?
How can I let my food be a plant that’s
growing season is whenever the sun is out,
in a land where there are clouds more often than not?
I don’t have the lung capacity to hold my breath
when you’re not around.
Cigarette packages are marked with caution signs by law -
I don’t see why relationships don’t come with the same label.
Love me when it conveniences you.
Maybe you won’t love me at all.

*-lf-

I didn't want to put you down in writing
because then I'd have to face the truth.
(I was never good enough for you)

Too distant.
Too removed.
Or maybe I was too close;
no room.

I know.
I know.
I've been through this so many
times before.

I thought that you'd be different.
Well, I thought you wouldn't mind.
But evidently
(I am too much to handle.)
I'm back to spinning
carbon copy lies.

                        *-lf-

Dangerous confusion threatens to break the last seam
I'm floating in limbo,
desperate to get out of this dream.
In the blink of an eye you've corroded my mind
Invading my soul;
a lover in disguise.

You've trespassed upon my land,
You've torn down my walls
And yet I offer you my hand
When I should let you fall.

I've been injected with poison
And adjusted to its bitter taste
This heart that once was frozen
Has melted with quick haste

If I leave my throne,
If I let you win
Will you claim my possessions
And leave me drowning in my sins?

Will you trample over my chest,
Will you drown my lungs?
Will you laugh at this mess


                                                                  Oh lord, what have I done.

I have let you in
I have let you win
All that I feared,
Is coming to life.

Standing, I watch my ship sink
And I realize,
We were always at the brink
And I ripped the seam
when I let my heart fall
Now I stand in the r
                                    u i  
                                           ns,
Rebuilding my walls.

*-lf-

That even though it is your words that you are penning - your own thoughts, that it’s a friend?

Some sort of company in the darkness, in the empty parts of your life?

That when loneliness drifts into every orifice; seeping into the crevices and crooks in your body, your words are your friends?

When I write, when I see the ink form variations and combinations of those 26 letters, those symbols, I feel as if the answers are staring back at me.

Perhaps not.

Perhaps this is what writers tell themselves to stop them from going off into the deep end; stop Loneliness from truly swallowing them whole.

What do I know.

My bones are weak, my heart is numb
My mind has caged me, I’m coming undone
I’m spiraling into darkness, once again
I’m losing myself, I can already see the end
There’s a dark tunnel, and the light seems to be behind me
All I’m praying for, is for another lost soul to find me
For a heart to hold me, for a hand to guide me
My bones are weak, they break on your command
I can’t seem to determine, whether I want to die on my knees
Or get shot while I stand
Please rip out my heart, cut open my mind
Try to read the fickle thoughts that have been left behind
The barrel is at my throat, I feel the metal against my chin
I thought it was over, but again it shall begin
I’m destined to be insane, to be alone, to die in vain
I don’t need you, I don’t want you
Leave me alone
Leave me
And my bones

*-lf-

I was always on my knees for you
but never once did you think of
throwing my legs over your shoulders

*-lf-

Her skin isn’t scarred, but her soul is ripped and tattered
Her flesh may be clean, but her heart is bloodied and battered
Words do more damage than an iron sword
Removing flesh from bone and chopping heads whole
He lit a fire made from malice and deceit
And sparked the flint beneath her innocent feet
Watched as she writhed, porcelain flesh alight
Cackling as she turned into a mere shadow of the night
With his tongue and his hissing, he burned her alive
Smeared dirt on her pretty face and tore out her eyes
Better to die with your dignity than perfect skin
For perfection will eventually reflect the demons within

*-lf-

Small wrist
Tight fist
You won’t miss this
My punches,
They aren’t aimed for you
They’re for the walls
The walls that I built
I’ll tear them down on my own
I don’t need you
I don’t need you
I never needed you
Adrenaline,
It makes me feel alive
I feel it in my veins
It takes the place
Of the bitter pain
It’s better than pain
Anything’s better than pain
My heart,
It’ll make it on its own
It’s lived many lives
It has grown, and grown
And now it’s old
Fragile
But my body is not fragile
I am not fragile
I refuse to be fragile
Let me feel
Help me feel
Prevent me
Stop me
From hating
What I used to love
What I used to crave
Has brought me to my knees
And I scream, battered,
As I bleed
Pull me from the wreckage
Where are you
Where are you
You
You’re within me
You’re what I bleed
You’re what I see
You’re what I need
You’re my disease
And I’m just a fiend
You can’t fix me
I’m a fiend
Disgusting disease.
Hopeless.

*-lf-

Stark naked and vulnerable for another’s eyes
You see skin, bone and beating heart
While
Behind your eyes, I see the dark
                           *-lf-

I just want to cradle you in my arms, in all your brokenness.
Just love you for everything they hate you for.
We can drown in our misery together;
talk about Hell and our plans when we get there.
I’m so filled with n o t h i n g
                   and so are you.
My dear who are you?
I certainly don’t know.
I don’t know who I am.
I don’t know anything.
But that’s okay; neither do you.
                                                 That’s why I love you.
*-lf-

I’m intoxicated by your scent
I smell you on my skin
Every time I take a breathe
I inhale the aroma of your sin
I feel your fingers on my body
Your lips brushing my neck
I feel remnants of what we were
Dripping in my cold sweat
I’m drowning in this ocean
Tied down by the tension
I’m screaming for change
Just a little attention
I hear my name slip off your tongue
I see the honesty in your eyes
God you make me feel so young
This is what it must be like
To be alive

*-lf-

B.F Skinner tried his hand at being a novelist before pursuing psychology
- for both a writer and a shrink try to understand the human condition.

*-lf-