every vertebrae vibrates
and cracks with every move i make
tried to put food in my mouth
but never really eat
close my eyes but never fall asleep

apathy is eating me whole
alive and unhealthy
words were uttered
promised as if a contract was signed
but a vow is just a set of words
its a myth
a myth you always believed in
like how you believed in tooth fairies
and wishing stars
like how i believed when you said
you will always be there
and like how i believed when you said
you were fine

the cuban missile crisis is waiting to be read
but nothing really comes into your head
every second is doubtful
i hated seconds, time and space
the culprit of desolations
even worst than famines and wars
because the worst scarcity
would be time itself

when time nudges you awake
a remnant of an hour earlier is left
in a snap the left part of his body was numb
and he uses his right to hold you hand
to squeeze it tightly and would never let go
like how tightly you held me when
i was about to drown during our
swimming lessons when i was but
a little girl believing
she was a real mermaid
uses his conscious eye to take a mili-second glimpse
and calls your name when he is in pain

everyone repeats their questions more than once
because he wouldn't hear
they always asked if he sees them
because his left eye couldn't see
it was never like that

you weren't that guy in a hospital gown
not even the one who couldn't walk by himself
you weren't him. that wasn't you
you were strong, you could walk and talk
you were the team captain and the coach
a father of four and a dreamer
you weren't that guy. *you will never be that guy

I dream a million fireflies transporting me to this space
A Moon shadow casts a light upon my face.
A Young boy dreaming of tight lines on this Kinderhook NY stream,
Water droplets on frozen fly line, cast a prism sunbeam.

It's this time and special place that etches a constant memory,
Of Standing on that rock casting tight loops across the estuary.
Practice makes perfect as I make a presentation towards this riffle,
I can see a smile on my face, a moment in time that's purely transcendental.

With hope on the rise and a pheasant tail nymph tied to my tippet,
I make my way past the roily water to a calmer spot I'll inhibit.
Stripping line I load this feather chucker and place a nymph on the breezers nose
Zzzzzzz screams my reel and I scramble to fight this foe

As the snow begins to fall, I gaze upon this look of contentment in my eyes
And hover from above to watch myself learning to fly.
I whisper to myself, " Man life doesn't get any better than this",
As I kneel to release my catch, I watch him glide into the abyss.

And at day's end, I find myself walking beside the memory of Lou, Theodore, and Jack,
Three mentors who showed me the way, part of my Wulff pack.
Some Say "if I fished only to capture fish, my trips would have ended long ago",
And now I have something that money can't buy, the gift of learning to fly.

"We'll dance with monsters
In the night"
You say with pleasure;
With really blind sight

You told me it is fine
But I think you are too kind
Onto me you have thrown
All your suction of hopes
Cutting down the thorns;
Cutting down the ropes
Ousting this flame
To show me that you came

I am sorry to be saying
But all your love was wasted
As my garden is decaying
Before you could have tasted

What I hold
Is not so very sweet
So I will just be bold
We should've never meet

I failed to be the light
You found in love
I failed to be your pigeon;
I failed to be your dove

And the monsters killed the melodies,
the ones that you dream
Unloved they forever were;
Their sorrows built a stream
A stream where tears shine
And the lost beasts are mine

These silent beasts are now
Just beginning to sound
Mercilessly,
I cried out;
Blatantly,
I have fallen down
And I just can not pick my Happy off the ground

You're building a palace
Where I do not belong
'Cause I have only been taking
The sing from your song
I know that you have
Been very burnt
But every new fire
Is a new lesson learnt

I am Sorry for making
You feel this pain
I am Sorry for putting
Your heart through this flame

Just please do not say
You love me
I might not say it back
Please just stay in intact
And stop all this play;
Forever is not real.

Just really close your eyes
'Cause I do not want you seeing
Throughout my disguise

I am carefully trying
to replace our bodies
For to all my cages and doors,
Are very lost keys

There is something terribly wrong
With our lungs
It is this poison of love  
That we have been breathing in too long
It has fractured our hearts
Turned it really mauve

Made us golden pale
It has destroyed our sail
Shattering our wings
Scattering all the feathers
Like fast demons fly
Through the weary sky

As pretty as you make
this tragedy feels,
Broken and poor
Life is just too blue
To ever truly be
La vie en rose

-fir.m

slow dancing in the dark
like we have all the time in the world

like
the world isn't a war zone
and a massive grave

the ghosts
in this house peek through the holes
in the ceiling, blushing and turning away
as we kiss

i taste christmas in your mouth
and slowly feel myself flying
through space

                                             was that the yellow balloon i lost
                                             when i was eight?

your laughter in my mouth
brings me back to earth and i apologize
for gripping your hand so tightly

i can't let you float away and never return
like my balloon did