I found myself on the floor in a gas station bathroom at 2 am trying to find the person I used to be. The last time I was here was when my mother told me that the person who loves me the least will show it with their hands and the girl who broke my heart had bruised every part of me that she touched for 9 months.
I tried putting the razor down I tried to stop drinking I tried to stop taking pills I tried I tried I tried and still couldn't find the self worth that I knew I ******* deserved to stop.
Giving up on yourself isn't easy when you now love a girl who makes the self rot inside your heart bloom with every beautiful flower imaginable. With trembling hands I touched her silhouette and a year later I still can't stop shaking from the impact she left on me. My breath catches in my lungs when she laughs and my lips curl into a smile every time she calls me baby, ridiculously cheesy I know, but I'd be lying if it wasn't real. And that's what we are, we're real and she's here like you never were.
It hurts to be human but I was put on this earth to love, even though I was taught that this love was a sin, so let me give you all of me so I won't throw myself away to societal values and beliefs and let me be me for once.
I have so much of me to give and I'm afraid if you leave that there will be nothing left, that my name will be whispered under your breath like you were ashamed to have ever loved a natural disaster. And just like a natural disaster, I destroy everything in my path, I've hurt others because the pieces of me that used to care were taken by others and now I just don't give a ****. While destroying others I destroyed myself trying to find the peace of mind I used to have before my dad left and before my grandma died and before I knew I loved everyone a little too deeply and before I found relief in straight lines and bruises and emptiness and it's all too ******* much for someone my age to be dealing with and I'm searching for my escape in the bathroom at a gas station at 2 am.

I have never felt more alive than when your hands glided across the curve of my waist and you were smoking your marlboro black 100's and I could taste them on your lips while the sky blushed pink and red when it saw your naked soul. I've always held onto the things that destroy me most but for once I let go and held onto you instead. I held your hand too tightly and I heard bones break because I was so scared to show you the parts of me that were dying and you told me, baby you control which parts die and grow, and that was the first time I felt some form of self love in 3 years.
I want to take your sadness and grab it by its throat until it bleeds all of the poison that has harmed your body, because baby, your body isn't at war with you but it braces itself against the bombs you throw at it. you try to cover up the battlefields like I've never seen them before but you don't have to hide the ways you try to **** your sadness. dollar bills, razor blades, straight lines, bottles, and colourful pills do not define you, you are made up of the deepest depths of the ocean where no one has been, you are made up of the metaphors in every love poem, you are made up of your first kiss with cigarette lips, you are made up of the summer nights spent making love to the moon.
you see baby, you scream at the shadows of your worst fears that lay next to you in bed until your throat feels raw, but they won't always be there. I will take their place and whisper in your ear that you are an entire galaxy trapped inside one body and the star dust in your eyes shines brightest when you laugh.
but most of all baby, I see you as a mystery waiting to be solved, a tormented piece of art that is worth way more than money could ever buy, a empty home waiting for someone to be able to unlock the doors and feel safe inside. many have tried to burn you down after you let them in and you've sealed the door shut and closed the blinds. I've been knocking on the door for days and I don't know if you can hear me, but you are the only home I've ever known.

You told me I'd be happier if you and me didn't exist but you forgot you're my happiness

Jaywalk with me
On the search of
what we are and
what we need.
We will travel to
Rosy gardens and
Religious mountains.
Lost will feel right
With you.

It's okay.

We can be broken together, broken pieces don't cut each other.

They just...

*Fit

The time of night, mid
   It was dark
          She was drunk
The ***** was cheap
   She'd fallen into a nightmare
            Of her own dreams
        And she was in way too deep
Death was at her doorstep
    And the promises she made
             She could no longer keep
   She weeped into the bottle
Then drank some more
       Time was of the essence
    Yet, the past came back to haunt her
            Just like before
      Too much to handle
For their sake
          She handles it everyday
     "Resilience" they say
  But she's a fake
          Weak and ashamed
     How did she get this way?
Those ghosts of memories that
          never faded away
  On that night
     She lost complete control
              And the roses
Were dead and rotting
          Just like her *soul