It's as easy as breathing in
Hold it
That's good
Now exhale and wait
You can almost forget that memory
In a matter of seconds
And if not forget
You can manage to not care
At least for a little while
Let the smoke fill your head
And let it to be louder than your fear
I'll even endure a coughing fit
To expel the words I don't want to say
They ask if the escape is worth the problems you always return to
Every ******* time, yes
Of course they'll be there
Where would they go?
Even when I improve
My problems only grow
And if I *** in a cup
For whatever reason
And displease your delicate opinion
I'll indulge in your honor
God knows you might need this more than I do
Now zone out a little
Stare into nothing
The good kind of nothing
Not the other kind that you find in people's eyes
Like in times they want something from you and they know they're gunna get it
Or moments you ask them for something and they never reply
Or when they apologize over something they were never apart of
Because the tragedy isn't about you.....
It's about how they can fit themselves inside of it
Take another hit
Float on this one a while
Let the tense of your muscles ease
As if I spend the day trying to stay inside my skin
Like it's become too small and uncomfortable
Now I can expand and I breath without my ribs caging me in
Red eyed suicide
Artificial tears will make them clear
Better than vice versa
When the real kind of tears make it look more suicidal
An oxymoron in this case
Giggle at a pun
If you have a buddy then do a shot gun
Don't remember to forget
And keep on forgetting
It's as easy as breathing in

Why should it matter what I do?
With or without those who scrutinize
My life has never been mine
And they never seem too distressed over the fact I live it for them
Why should I change?
They never do
They boast and rant how their will is strong
While they rob me of mine and my own
Why should I care for myself at all?
I tend to derive my self neglect from their constant want
And demand my constant care
That when they ponder as to why I'm lost in though
It's merely a resting place from their laundry list of praise
Why should I live?
Why should I thrive?
Why should I kneel before any truth
When lies continuously pelt my mind?
Why should I empathize?
No matter what love I find, a hidden fine print is always forgotten to be informed to me
Love me and I'll love in return
But ask for nothing as I take it all
And smile as I deny any semblance of feeling
It's not your feelings that I am enamored with
But the fact that you can listen and not reply
I fall for it everytime
And I glance from the side of my eyes
Willing for the tears to come
But now it's only a practice that becomes a ritual
And the drought of emotion pursues longer still
Let me die young
A couple of decades of good intentions
Is enough to pave my path to a well know destination
Of which I'm sure that I'm headed to
Being an angel for the sake of love could have only brought me so high
So now....I welcome the fall
No more a being with hopeful light
I wish it to be snuffed out
As to discontinue the drawing of those who see it
Like moths to a flame
And once the warmth and bright exterior is at it's lowest
They flee
Wether for good or in their minds
Because I know in their minds
I am not there
I never was, you see
And now I fight for nothing to be gained
When maybe nothing is what I truly covet
And the quiet and thick release will course me down it's waves
And I am crested on a shore
That I've belonged to all this time
Why should I wait?
The answer is still unclear

I wonder if this is how it will end
“Yeah, I remember him”
What more can it be anyway
Just to fit into someone’s life
Even if you didn’t talk for years

Everybody is already there
We’re just playing out the hand now
Somebody new doesn’t stand a chance
They can’t compete with the past
I’m already a made man

If I can stand you for a week
Then that’s a close to love as I get
You can’t suffocate me
That’s why I got rid of the pillows
We’ll lay flat long enough to breathe

What I say is what I think
But the way I turn at any time
Depends on the way time looks at me
I will always consider your feelings
But I’m going to push my personality far

I’m looking for another door
Different than the one I came through
An entrance awaits on the other side
But is it leaving or just passing by
It depends how big the thought is

You finally did what I no longer care about
That’s what twenty years on does to you
I could borrow more money than I’ve made
Somebody trusts me that much
Or is it a trap like when you said I love you?

She's restless...

She beats only for the sake of her lungs..

Yet again, it comes to this...
Defeat.
A battle she knew she'd lose.
Another memory to bury

Each thought escaping
Lingers just enough to get her to sink.

When will his drug leave her veins.
How long this time til she's clean of this..

Yet again..

Spending a month in a hospital teaches you a lot about people.
The doctor that told me to shave my head or she wouldn't treat me,
The nurses that spent forever chatting to me
And giving me supportive advice about how my illness doesn't define me.
The woman who was given a terminal cancer sentence
And chose not to pay attention to it and defied it anyway.
How she sat next to me on my bed,
Told me that all suffering is valid,
And just because I'm not dying, doesn't mean I don't get to complain.
How she complains more about her skin problems
Than she ever complained about her cancer,
And that's OK, because pain rarely follows rules.
I never even learned her name,
But she gave me the words I hold most closely to me
On those days when I want to fall asleep and never wake up.
I'm allowed to scream and shout and rage against the pain
And the unfairness of it happening to me.
I just have to make sure I know where the line is
Between giving my darkness a voice and pitying myself.

When I fail and fall on my knees. When I show that I cannot stand alone. When I am at my lowest point, that is when God works through me. In my weakness, he becomes strong. In my meekness he shows his courage. In my times of doubt, he shows his faithfulness. When I stand still, he moves around me. In all of this, he is glorified.

from the void
the mountain speaks
the beat goes on
in these desolate peaks

moss covered stacks
of sea floor and mantle
embrace and fold
in metamorphic tangle

stunted fir clings
graying roots exposed
a rocky, barren life
is all this sapling knows

snowcapped elderberry
scale the crevice
where bear and wind
make raucous passage

avalanche chutes
gracefully recline
in verdant shades
to the waterline

lie in the meadow
to calm the chatter
make still the noise
to blunt the clatter

upon the coming
of soft night
undress this silence
angel mine



*I came to a point where I needed solitude and just stop the machine of 'thinking' and 'enjoying' what they call 'living,' I just wanted to lie in the grass and look at the clouds.

-Jack Kerouac

Oh, my beloved, have you thought of this:
How in the years to come unscrupulous Time,
More cruel than Death, will tear you from my kiss,
And make you old, and leave me in my prime?
How you and I, who scale together yet
A little while the sweet, immortal height
No pilgrim may remember or forget,
As sure as the world turns, some granite night
Shall lie awake and know the gracious flame
Gone out forever on the mutual stone;
And call to mind that on the day you came
I was a child, and you a hero grown?—
And the night pass, and the strange morning break
Upon our anguish for each other’s sake!

She conquered her demons,
               and wore her scars like...
                              Wings.  
We all get burned down sometimes.
But the next step is a choice.
Do you let your ashes blow away?
Or do you rise from the ashes like a
Phoenix?
The choice is yours so,
Choose wisely.