Who ever knew
my best friend
would be a pen?

Anticipate
It's coming soon
Fears in motion
I'll get what's been coming to
Me
Two sided coin
Lands on it's side
Cradle my hopes
It's time to decide
Making certain
That's this time it's a choice I can't deny.
Too far gone
To turn back now
One foot off the ledge
The plummet keeps me from turning
Around
Let it be a quick drop
To the ground
I promise I won't make a sound
Fade in my head
The world that's real
Regardless of how many times I escape it
It penetrates through everything I feel
To forsake a love I didn't plan to steal?
Or the one I promised to embrace at the alter?
How can these truths be altered?
I never planned to falter
My heart was mine to squander.
Telling lies
Prove them right
Diminish any kind of hopeful light
Despite the love I chose to fight
It's easier to hate than it is to try.
I can't reply
I can't retry
Stuck in a rock and an iron maiden
Remove my decision
Sentence me to fading
I never intended to keep you waiting
Hoping that I'm cementing
Something more solid
Than what I've been showing.
That's what I get for knowing
Asking you questions
And you sure as hell told me
Thinking that choosing can be easy
Dying is simple
Just as breathing is instinct
I could have been better
I would have stayed away from the brink
Looking over
Taking cover
All this space
Can cause a person to smother
Any kind of human demeanor
Doing things that should be thought through
But it was always an exception when it came to you.
The home now where my thoughts reside
I keep them caged behind my eyes
They're only allowed to torture me every night
And I know you'll see them from time to time
You can be the strongest man alive
But the weight that buckles me is mine.
I'll hold fast for now, my love
My grip will tighten each time it comes
The waves that push and toss around
My resolve to be safe and sound.
Don't hurry to my side
Don't be responsible for my life
Don't challenge my monsters to a fight
Just stay with me till I fall asleep tonight.
Hold fast, love
Hold tight
If you let go
I too just might

Seventh Grade.
I wrote a poem about a solider
who couldn't unsee all the damage
wrought on his friends and brothers.
My mother cried.
Asked, “what have I done?
For you to write such
despairing things?”

Eighth Grade.
My English teacher tried to
“Harness” my talent,
in the raw.
Pushed me into competitions
Of which I had no interest.

Freshman Year.
I got accused of plagiarism.
After all,
What could I possibly know
of the world's tragedies,
after a mere 14 years spent here?
I was told to “stick to something
a 14-year-old girl would right. So
it isn't obvious.”

Sophomore Year.
I wrote about
the boy who held my heart.
Because that's what
15-year-old girls write about.
Or so I've been told.

I have so much love to give and if I were given the chance I would love you radically, I would let you feel everything so loudly it would radiate off your insides and it would move tectonic plates in California it would move mountains in Colorado it would be life changing, mind altering, it would be everything and nothing all at once
I have so much love bubbling up inside me I think the butterflies are starting to attack each other I think they are frustrated that I won't let them free but I'm afraid they won't come back if I do
I have so much to give and so much to tell you
I want you to know you belong with the wildflowers baby, but I will pick you for myself. I will wear you in my hair until all your petals fall off and fly into the wind I will mourn the loss and always keep the stem as a reminder that beauty is in your roots
I think you make it easier to laugh that belly laugh from the ground up the laugh I feel in my toes and in the ends of my hair you make things easy
You make things so easy baby suburbia might be enough
I might want to walk these streets forever I might want to be grey with you
But we could never be grey not you and me not us no never
We are already bright on our own and that's what makes us technicolored that's what makes us loud
I always liked things loud and you came screaming and wailing you came with an amp attached to your love you were so loud baby but you never made me quiet our sound never clashed it harmonized
You are my harmony
You are my mantra
My peace
My mine mine mine
I will love you down
I will love you loudly
It will be brash
It may hurt
But I will be gentle in the biggest way possible
Because love is a verb
And it's been a noun in my mouth for far too long

What can you expect?
Poetry comes from the heart.
And the heart is vulnerable.

We live in a world of lost souls and unfulfilled dreams.
Poetry just helps us stay here physically
Because we cant always be here mentally, emotionally,or spiritually.
Poetry is the reason i'm still alive.

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man.