That mantle we placed upon you
Is not to be assumed
a shield or shadow to hide behind
Nor is it a place for scavengers to await
the approaching fate.... ....to create
its own existence
So that you can then
assume a place
among the remnants left behind
.If you stand on the side
In the tangled weeds
among the reeds... thinking
Instead of acting... reacting
To all that is sinking
what now may only be
The fingers you see
above the surface
while deciding
to weigh out
all values to yourself
before making your decision
while you ignore the march of time
and the banging and clanging
those plaintive peals of Liberty
In a frantic wake up call... To all
As it echoes out...
,... among those hollowed-out
halls of Justice
so to those of you...
... with the mantle of power
that we placed upon you ...
must decide to rise up and roar... becoming
an American icon
that future generations will
look back on with honor
or will we someday realize
That by believing all these lies
accepted what we were told
Bought what we were sold
We never knew
that only The echos
of Liberty's Bell were being heard
long after the Hammers were curtailed ..as were
all of us that you have failed
While weighing out
what values yourself
You did not stop and think
It was those
hands of time....
the fingers of fate
ringing the Alarm
until allowed to sink
into the murky history of that ever-growing swamp... while you decided to wait!

...... my memories get fuzzy
As life pushes buttons easy as operating a microwave
In warming up
a midnight snack real blueberry pie
And there in the Stark lights
Of my Barren land my kitchen table
I am able
To be trans ported
To those vans
That early life awarded night skies
When youth afforded
And we reined Supreme
like wild horses
Free to roam - free to be before the calamities
Absorbed it all
Down... To the bones

I didn't cry
As we said goodbye toss and turn
and gently weep
Should I fail to fall right off to sleep
Or endeavor to sever any sense of remourse rising up... along
the course of my day should I see
the extra key
now hung on the hook, or a stray ...
paperback book
as I put up ...that...now
extra coffee cup  
or anything else
that seems out of place designed
to leave the trace
of a tear down my face nor have I felt any sense of dread concerning that
half empty bed
Consciously choosing to fall asleep
on the couch
or recliner instead
nor have I felt any nostalgic bite
when rolling over
in the chill of the night finding no one there
to cling to
I do not choke up
when I read or hear the same phrases
or words
used elsewhere
That was said
between ....us
as we broke up  
no driving miles
out of my way
or checking my emails  over and over each day no practice calls creating phrases looking for
the right words  
not one of these things has brought any tears any pain
but I'm crying now ...as I'm realizing how unfair it is to see
by what I just shared how little I must have cared....
...... that truly makes me sad!

Sometimes
I feel old and faded
derelict and degraded
overly saturated corrugated cardboard left all alone...out in
the rain too long  
or dry and brittle curling up ..creating
a bowl-like middle
adding to the strain like it really matters that that then gathers more dust...more lint
And those
now earth-bound vagabonds
whose time came
and then went
drifters
passing through
as they always do when they ... the fallin
the no longer needed the no longer wanted  disavowed
no longer allowed
to hang around
And so apropos
The way leaves go
wherever the wind may choose to blow them to
always a few ...who find shelter
out of ....the vagaries
of the wind and in
that shallow bowl
I formed
Then like it or not
they may stay ...
Hidden away
catching more
of those infinitesimal
all but invisible particulates
as they pass our way
so you might say
we form a bond
a compilation
a strange mutation
Imbibing
longer and longer
those times
of total saturation
the very manifestation  
what one may describe as a little tribe...that by the weight of fate
and our bonded state we hunker down
here to stay
upon
this piece of ground
And together we start each doing their part
to speed us on
Upon our way
to our future of decay and yes ..its true
I once felt so..
overly saturated
cursing
the corrugated
the very way
that I was created
bemoaning how
I had faded
But in the end
I did not die alone
I did not die
we ...
did not totally decay nor did we fade away we found life
and meaning when
this little tribe found that we were bound
This little mound
To be
Exactly what
all these lost derelicts
These young seeds.......needs
to create life
And to give  
Color to reason
And a new season
To live ....life.
And in a way ...to
Find salvation in decay.

Half the room
it does consume
One half the bond
Within the tomb
Lies quiet amid
all light now gone
silent is ...
what now does loom
Over
what now remains anon
Unaware?  would not
presume to assume
Or to lay measure of
or in way of thought
upon naught
For none know what abides the womb
That within
the paranorm
of any paragon
Just what may pass between
the illum of light
Or the inate
whims of fate
As a form....once torn
Again becomes
one baby born
all norm and warm  and a petrified mass that accepted
The fact
that a lack of room inside the womb
would mean a tomb
for one
or a tomb for two
Then did
what.....
it had to do!

How nice it would be
if all Beauty was free and homesteads
were home to all
no honking horns or voice raised issuing rampant scorns
to pass unfiltered through the innocent ears of children
but then again... nothing is perfect except for..
. maybe thunder
for it is the loud,  proud voice of perfection
rolling or booming never assuming to be what it is not
like the voice of God
As it was described in those scriptures told
in the verses of old
so with each clap
Of lightning created sound
we either jump or smile
As we know it brings
A needed refrain
of nourishing rain

there is nothing sweeter than
walking in the rain
of autumn
for the leaves paint
the ground all around and happiness abounds
it's a promise of relaxing winter husband starting fires both of heat and desires
While mother share secrets with daughters both shoulds and  not aughters  ha!
But such is the way it has been
from time immortals very beginning
and should continue to be
as long as....
God's Great Earth keeps on spinning !

What comes from those meandering thoughts
those sinister plots
that circumvent
all the effort that had been spent
creating naught but verbal rot
and  seditious dissent
bought
by consistent repetition
of thoughts never spoken
and statements never meant
of pressures applied
until all reason is bent
what forces the changing courses
of rivers, realities and those minds....when
 allowing up to define down
or out to equate in
such are the vagaries
plaguing the World As We Know It
yet we seem to descend
into the deepest..... darkest...
.... season of treason
our history has yet to record
no one has the wealth
or knowledge to ever afford
what it would cost
to buy back all that's lost
if all that exists
becomes Lost In The Mists
of times Eternal March
and we become the total sum
of nothing more than some hollow-core
experiment
that came and went
from grand and great
to an untimely fate
by so many who denied
that truth is self-evident
letting those who lied
. decide
what truth is or isn't ...
..to be accepted
and to be applied
when alternate facts are nonexistent
yet absolute
once they take root
Allowed to grow out of control
destroying the very foundation
that supported what started out
as ...
history and humanities
greatest creation.

,, when I find no ground
Beneath my feet
I know that I am
Totally incomplete
So I hover here
Invisible-  to everyone
Even to myself I know
So I can't decide what to do
Or which way to go
Because there is…
... No direction
When everything looks the same
Can't be lost
Can't be found
I can not open up
You cannot shut me down
I can't find my way back
Or even move ahead
Can't remember the last thing I heard
Or the last thing that I said

There's no religion
No mantras echoing in my head
way down deep inside
Not even a buzzing sound
To remind me that I'm alive
No places to run away from
Or even to run to

No answers to the questions
That I don't even have
No place I need to be
Or distances I need to go
No guiding hand to lead me
Along the invisible Trail
No cheering crowds ...
…...encouraging me to win
Nothing to measure…
… the degree to which I fail

I live in limbo
Suspended in a warp of time
As erratic as I am static
Getting further and further
away from what
Once I was supposed to be
Even though I really know
I'm a million little pieces of me
Moving at the speed of light

, even though I really know
That I am here suspended
In this uncomfortable chair
So long now I have
hovered here
Can't feel my body
Can't feel my legs
Everything has gone to sleep
, Eyes Wide Open as I
Fall into the deep
Burning down and I'm burning out
Like a lit and derelict cigarette
As I keep  scattering little pieces of me
All over the world…
... By way of the internet

I am totally incomplete!

Wander along
The adoration passageways
Too long
Glowing in the light
Of ones own measure of success
You may feel....as if
You can soar like the eagle

But that may lead
To an ego deflation
A deficiency in value
From black to red
So no matter what
validations of admiration
You may receive
no evaluation
Will ever make dirt
Taste like a custard pie

So... Go easy
And believe in
your value to evaluate yourself
And then you... Will...
... Never get hurt
when dirt... Always
tastes like dirt!

I listen to the coiled out words
Of the viper-tongued miscreants
Placating the willing to walk along
In Involuntary servitude as in a trance
Zombies of the evil spells that liars spin
Where sparks of dissent are overwhelmed
       deep deep down
in those murky depths of the swampland
By those willing ...robed in anonymity ...
      ...  tasked with the responsibility.
..of burning down ....the entire world
    if we all ....don't accede
     To their will....
....obeying all things they do demand.

The news of late
Seems to amply relate
The quandary...
... so many wrestle with
In fixated perspicacious denial
Of just what happiness means
Serenity.... Viability ?
Financial security...solvency?

While what matters goes unsolved
Because we are ...so involved
In seeing only the success
They express....not the stress
They repress for us..
..the adoring public...

Caught up in our thinking
That we wish we were them.
Perfection in the reflection
Of the lucky ones who have it made.

So why do so many...
...take themselves out
When they could have stayed?

I do wonder...where we all would fall
Were we to seem to have it all
The life that they attain ..that persona
they maintain
That no one...it seems  
can really see beyond
It too often doesn't dawn
Upon...me

To notice the human strain ...
....the common pain, that we see
so easily in each other.
I never saw it and I am so sorry...
And will miss you, Anthony Bourdain.
Farewell..Brother.
May you rest in peace .

don't ...
Don't!!
I said DON'T...
..you..look at me...like that.
I'm tired of it.
NO!
No!
Yes.. I know
But..it takes time
And I always feel
Like...I don't have any left.

Stupid as that is...
That's the way of it
The black and white
Stark view..no grey of it

Who...
Who gives a...
...second thought
To what..
What..what..
First you were taught!

I do..
I do...it's true
Much as I like ...like..
The ability to lie...
..to myself... l'll be okay
And if I'm not....well..
Hell!
I'll just lie about that too!

It's not that I don't know I'm lying
I know....and then I think...
..that    i   know!
And then it happens ...always
A distaction
By the real world....
... around me!
Ihaveto rememberto getback...ba...
Back to work...daydreamer!!!

Come on says the fat man..wearing a necktie
Managers haphazard shirts..and
Belt soooo tight  " god that must hurt!"

"WE NEEDED ...those fries " he squawks in authoritarian strain"two minutes ago!"
I know...i know .....

Backward steps
are sometimes...
..the bracing
Necessary!
to ready ourselves
For.....
... .that next forward step  
Into the stiff wind
Of opposition!

Push it back past
the starting zone
Leave it there
where
it can be all alone
Nothing gets past
The wrecking ball
In the futurescape
where
we have it all
What time will that be....
      ....when all the second's count?

I'm trying to reason
But can't get any comment
Of return interjections
Or objective renderings
Tries too hard to open up
that second tier of dreams
Used up that first one
Trying to weave a web
That then turned out
To be
much more slippery than it seems

Lost every resource
to the whims of vanity
Blew past the nervous guards
At the border of sanity
And that's where I pushed it back
Past the starting zone
And left it there
where it can be all alone.

Came to a point
where I was lost
On this long **** journey
Through the valley I crossed

Dangers lurk in ev..e..ry
shadows dark depth
a repast of pasts overt reactions
aware of my share of..
...short-lived attractions
I stumbled along the rutted pathway
Sloshing through the thickened mire
Of fallacy and morality and ...??
...All that has borne such sad inactions

In climbing up the valleys edge
I find my wearyness weighing down
The shattered frame of mind
Where I fear as I  get here....
How much of what I want to be or
Once hoped to be is scattered along ...
            ....the trail i left behind.

Came to a point where i was lost ...
                    betrayed by ....
      this backward swing of time.!

I ain't looking
for no instructions
no friendly faces
or interdictions
I'm not in need
Don't need your adorations

From now ....until
The end of my incarceration
"No need to utter ...cluttered inanities
Like how 'you FEEL me!' "
GRRRrrr..ain't no way
that that can be!

There is no words
that ever will free me
From this restless soul being ...
...that it would seem....
            ....I am.... deemed...
to be!

I remain ..the constant ....
...intermittent  
That endures the missing time
that time takes away from me!

I ain't looking ...for no instructions ....

"Why am I walking in circles?"
Wait, I've heard that recently...
...or have I said that before?
Am I walking around in pajamas?
Well ...pajamas and a robe that's better
Better? Better what?
Better me than you ........Okay Samual
I hear you ....
.....where you hiding ...Is mom and dad home?
Where am..." Why am I ......
why am I walking around in circles?"
Here come those people ...I'm supposed to know them
They like it when I smile and nod
I've seen them before .....!?
Why am I walking around in circles ?!

If I look through your vacant stare
I see way past what wasn't there
Back when all the dreams
Had butterfly wings
And filled the air
With the kind of hope
That is so rare
So many lives spent
In dispair and disrepair
In futile search of the one
Who will really care
So now I hate how easy
It is to see what isn't there
When I look through...
.. your vacant stare .

All along that grey draped zig-zagging shoreline
The men sat or stood in resolute silence
Each trying to reach back into minds
Scrambled like eggs by the fear of impending violence

Soon the hard faced men will open the gates
As the race will start as hearts will change pace
Then by push and twist they load like cattle
Into great grey hulking hearse's barely floating
Plunging through grey roiling seas toward thunder
Echoing across the channel quotation marks of the battle

That rages ,engages not turning ÷ripping out pages of history
When the water turns red punctuated by the floating dead....
........The question marks and periods
Exclamation marks in the book thats still being written ...
        ......to what end?
That is what makes any plot a vagrant thought
With a premise being an unresolved mystery
Such are .....
The vagaries of the ever repeating chapters of human history!

When I first met you
it was
through an.... open door
But I'm not so sure
that I'm
welcome here ...no more
So i ....
Im gonna say goodbye

Don't get me wrong
Its not to say
We didn't  have some fun
It just seems to be
that those ....days... are done

And so ... can not  say
That  we  both ...
....didn't know
Once  the minutes ....
....and the days
had began to move ......so slow
And i could tell ...you too
Knew....That it wasnt how
It    was    before

So for all the lonely time
I will now have
I can  say without regret
That I've been paid in full
As i hope you can say
That you
As well ...have good memories
You can retain
When its all  over and done
memories will echo
Those sad refrains as silence reigns
Because I've been there
I know just how it feels
I know .....just how bad it feels

And its never easy ...never
Never ever easy

When i first met you
it was .. like
stepping through
an open door
So now ..I'm leaving
but by a different way
So not to spoil
The way it began
back then .....when
You first let me in

But i cannot or will not pretend
That I don't know
It never ever really ends

So even though
We both know
That of late it has all ..
mostly been just for show
Just for show

I leave out by the back door now
So gently do I pull it closed behind me
Dont want a scene or any slamming doors
TO REMIND ME!
It had its time and had run its course
There's no denying that as  i depart
I carry pain in my heart
and heavy weight of remorse
Upon my back

I know someday it will ease
into a back corner of my mind
But i also know that days will
Will not be coming soon when ill find
It weighs less and less each passing day
But i will also be aware that while
I will have begun to seek a happier tune
For my empty core after i find my  smile

Now that I've walked a thousand yards
I turn back to wave goodbye to what once was
The shades are drawn and its all dark inside
So though i am not sneaking away and we
In silent conversation we said all we needed to say
Yesterday
Yesterday we agreed but today i realize my leaving
Has hurt your pride  ... has really hurt your pride
I know I know i know I know I know we both drowned
Through the night and all the tears we each cried
So i do i do know just how it feels as i have been  here
Been here so many times before and its never ever been easy
And it never will ..never will ...i know from so many times before


But when we first met ..it was like i was...
....walking through an open door .
.a door like no other ...i had ever
walked through before and thats why i left my keys
on the kitchen table
Along with my last smile .....at least........
My last one ..... for a long..... long while !

Irony often oozes the blood stain
That history will use to paint
An honest portrait of erstwhile deeds
Or to turn some altered soul to saint
Few are those that exist within the mist
Who loom larger than the shadow portrays
And seldom does a shadow exist undiminished
By the dreariest of all darkest days
So when seeking blood in passionate resolve
There comes a mordant aberration of unheralded stature
Rising to fly above mortal attributes into unremitted immortality
By assiduous conviction born of monstrous evil of unparalleled scale

Born among the Carpathian mountains
From the ancient and mysterious Transylvanian forests
One who seeks blood for righteous alliterations
Not for glory but for the saving grace
A quest to alleviate all alien allagory   alligned along the meandering memories of non-mordant minded men

No imagery conjured by Bram Stoker thru Van Helsing
Encompasses the unmitigated reality seen
The lifelong - still beating strong - near century long shadow of the denizen of our brightest outlook

The creation of circumstance as much as man ( unkind ) made

Maybe unheralded by too many
For such a knave am I so sorely cursed now...
With shame
I ...who have always strived
to drape myself
in the raiment of the eternal optimist
Now pay overdue homage to the true and absolute optimist
     BEN FERENCZ.... Is his name
Seek out his story now ..
.while he still lives
Reach back ..
Into those dark, dreary days
To share what history gives
and you will see what he means
    when he say's     
" I'm Right. "
     For I truly know that he is!  
     
 Keith w. Fletcher
      Humbled by the humanity exhibited.

How shallow lies
the depravity....
....the obscenity ....
beneath the obscurity
That veiled visage of such audacity
then how quickly
It all falls away
As I have stood
Astonished
Admonished ... By my naivete
Seeing... As it all crumbles
Tumbles away ... with all my faith
the humanity of my being
Like dominoes...down the timeline
of what once was me!

Scattered now
Stomped on and shattered
Battered
Bruised and tattered
Everything that once mattered
Had now vanished
Banished and leaving great voids
Of emptiness
Monuments to those lessons learned
That now awaits...the fates
To fill back in ...if or when
We begin ....to value what was earned

Those precious gifts...
....that so many
have paid..... so much for !!

I    have.   Been
living like a madman  sinking
deeper and deeper into myself
Is not...is not ..is not...
...where I want to be
No No ...nonono
But it's where ...its where
..its where I find myself
No body seems to care about ....
....the things I care about now.
No body seems to really even
wanna wanna wanna even check it out.
So ...I.... am ...on .. a...
.... On ...A ...train to the next station. Looking for my own correction
So i do hope I do hope I do hope
That when I get there
there will be
A big ...A big selection
cause, I'm tired ...oh so tired
Of the same ol same ol same ol things that I've been doing.
And I got to be somewhere
Somewhere where  there's...
... Something else brewing....before
Before I leave here, if I don't
If i don't make some kind of
Some kind of sense to myself
Well .. Then I might as
Might as well stay right here...
Inside myself ..inside myself
Because Im not going to find
Not gonna find the answers...
Anywhere!
If I don't find ...
The questions in here !

Sally Ride Aladdin
Outside so long
Another loan and I grow up
Carl Definable i beam in ios
You got to ride up .
.if thats not you
cuz..i didnt want to run
Us and nobody.....
   ... beast in the bible
isn't it crazy about this talkin
so long as I can see that
Sally is on my mind
  is Jesus kind
Kind of Riley saying thank you all
Not just you baby...
That's your mother's latest local policy
So long till i see you at the Sonic
So I know that she's hooked on Tony Montana
Cuz I know I rode it once when I was 15
And then I broke down and cried at 7:15

SO faaaar
The distance
Between
does...not..
..seem to exist !

If I could look back to-morrow
And see all the places I've been
Not  wrapped up in pain  ...
....nor drowning in sorrow
buoyantly bouncing along ....
......behind me
on all the hope that I......
.. Had ever been able to borrow
If i examine each one
And find out that none
Gives me reason to run
Away
I then would consider
That my life it did glitter
like  Stars will do ...
..whenever  you
Learn to accept
It's when
the sunlight grows thin
And the darkening night pushes in
then and only then
  That the sparkling lights can begin
To show just how big the universe is that were in
And like my life
the darker it gets the more lights  seem to be lit
Or so it's seems anyway...
... but thats wrong.
.. You see the darkness
does not make the light grow strong
Or the universe expand
just shows who we are where we live
And Where We All Belong
As  the light doesn't mean
that
everything can be seen
By proving it too is there
Right where it has been all along

So if I can look back tomorrow
And see all the places I've been
I'll know then .... exactly where I fit in

Do people
Just really have no ability
to understand... that those Flames that are being fanned
are not just little lies
to stir up those who
they think they despise
yet somehow not realize -
that one way or the other,
if all you have to sell ...
..are lies
then selling out is not success
but I'll toast your bereavement
as an achievement
with whatever my pity ...
as pittance will buy.
Do they not fear
that they'll soon disappear
as the pieces fall away
like paint chips
from
a home
suffering the pain of neglect ... derelict and unloved
lacking
any respect from those
who can no longer  occupy
the inside
with any kind of pride.
   Sad how that happens
once you're forced to rent
what once you owned
so now tell ...me
after you spent...
... all you can spend ... and then can still smell
all the Burning Bridges
you left behind
twisting in the Wind
do you have anything ...left
worth trying to defend
except all those lies
you agreed to sell
Once  you finally realized
that you did sell out
. -the whole lot -
even though
no one ever bought
those lies you were selling !
No One but you... that is ...
and whoever is now occupying that crumbling down,
sadly decaying
dwelling that was once yours
  but is now
all that your "  RIGHT LIES!
about you
have left of you.... For you... to you and with you.

I'll toast your bereavement
as an achievement
with whatever my pity
as pittance will buy.!

As if it mattered
When the reflection shattered
And the multitude of pieces scattered
Upon and all about my pristine vanity
Some will refrain and ultimately abstain
Aye from testing my future sanity
And so those who strain to reach the drain
Will not be among those hidden Vipers
That will patiently wait to draw my blood
So no matter the sweep or vigil I keep
I will not manage to ultimately succeed
As nothing's as hard as that loathsome shard
Whose only goal is to gouge my sole
And feed upon the blood I bleed
So without doubt will come that night I Scream & Shout
As that will surely be the future I have in store
When a tiny Silver sliver will deliver that punctuating wound ...and I believing little....
...dime size spots of blood all the way
Across that bathroom floor. .

With every shard a picture painted
Of.... a world that has been tainted
By the overtone
And as the colors fade or run
A picture... overworked or undone
Seen or shown...
...Emerges from the ashes of devastation
To become an interdictum
A visionary injuction of ....
... How to prosper or cease to function!

Pausing to take reflection
In this broken mirror of my soul
I find the pieces reflect protection
By not showing as a whole
Those things I'm not willing... Or able
To accept are Beyond My Control
Small pieces of me are all I see
No view of what is behind me ...
...to take that bitter toll

If only I could find
A way to communicate
Before I should succumb
To some inevitable fate
They even now... sit resolute
Upon my mind's perimeter fence
Like vultures drawn to  "mordum"

The pointless word now sentral to the view I will not yield... but use it as my shield to be the pointless compass and to help any who get lost
Now if that's not cold... Then I must be Jack Frost!

So my last poem has arrived
Upon the wings of eviscerated lips
That rendered down from my own skin
From which these soulless words were ripped

Understanding or not makes no head way
Into the scornful Stormfront of all future chaos
As we fight and fail this complex front
That slams us with the Futures disregard  - as it will discard
Those volumes of words that do get tossed
Away.....
,,,,,, and into.....
.... A bitter past while reverting humans to gestures or a grunt
And poetry become so abject and simple to execute or write
Where any deal made without real knowledge
Come Sans of a way to ever measure cost

For I admit I am a helpless victim
A problem Fading into rust
A sightless eye that sees all
Without knowing who to trust

A quandary in search of a question
A question that has no voice
That has fallen into a old and deep and hidden well
Unknown to all... So keep searching... Or Surrender... As those be our only choice

I guess you could say
I had to get away
From the way words
Had began to grate...
......of late
For we seem to have entered
A season without reason
Where simple lies
Multiplies
Revealing just how unfeeling
People can be
So much so so much
Hypocrisy
Total insanity seems...
... To have slipped in, ripped in
To the very core of who...
... I used to think we were
And it never did occur
to the me I used to be
Before I had to look... Into the eyes
And accept this new reality
So I took myself out
And closed the door after...
... I locked myself in
Where i decided to start
A season of art
Climbed out of the web
And then ...when
I have the blues
Its somethig i can use
To make lakes or skies
Or lovely eyes
And for a little while
Pretend ....i put an end
To all the ugly hate and bitter  vile
Because i got so tired
And being uninspired
by those who seek
new lower lows
While shooting holes
In their very  own Souls

What kind of obscure analysis
Implies
What instantaneous retraction
Denies
Although I still believe
The illuminated illustration
Stands fast ... in resolute conviction
That poets can be and often are...
... word butchers!

And then... In...
That hyper Inflated
Monumental moment of Silence
You can hear the discourse
Running rampant through
The metaphorically impaled
Dignity...
As it swallows
In hardchecking defense
Restraining those words
Rising up... in roiling need to avenge
This appalling offense

Screaming eyes burning holes
And every single letter as it streams past
Resolved
To the abrogated
With a sudden conviction
That None Shall be absolved
Not a single a or double m
Whit or whim

Simply waiting with war raging
Beneath this thin veneer
Of social mores and polite adherence
The smiling face and the calm appearance
Of an understanding listener

Knowing and aware
Of the growing
Self-affirming
Sense of indignation
That's such effrontery as to call
Any poet
Even if it is themself
That they spoke of
Just 30 seconds ago
And now winding up and winding down
Any point have this interdiction

Sudden ponderous silence  echoeing with a question mark laden intensity  of the guantlets swing...... how can you call yourself a word butcher and be any kind of... of... of... A poet?

With quizzical eyes. and mild surprise
My face pops forward and up
To gaze upon the springboard
Of this questioning ...
... but obviously sincere
Learned yet learning... lover of words
So leaning in close
And then in whispered tones
Whispered in conspiratorial antipathy
Because I treat them gently
I weigh them Fair
I carve just enough excess
to leave them with value
I wrap them in clean white parchment and tie them up with pride ....
....then pass them over
to be ...unwrapped
savored and enjoyed by...... I hope
a recipient
who enjoys what was related  
Then
With all the luck in the world
ends up sated... by the words
and the thoughts
That I had created

Then watching them walk away the army disbanded and the war horses went calm while the learned yet learning lover of words..... couldn't think of a single word to say.

Those hard falls
taken
Through a malstrom of memories
Sometimes seem....like...
...catastrophic collisions

With all the pain... all the scars
All the cost ...and yet
It is sans of all tender care
No merciful meds to aid the healing
Or promote merciful addictions

The kind
That often shoves..
... it
And all ...
...sharp , jagged edged
shattered , tattered , scattered
then thoroughly battered
WRECKOLLECTIONS
Into that obscure corner

My questioning soul...
... always wonders
if thats the salvage yard of ...
...forlorn hopes
or simply the junk yard ...
of all we discard ?

The morose sense of guilt
Felt
In those times when least expected
Reappearing as if neglected
To reassert itself
As an ever-present pain
An open wound
Often forgotten
But never gone
Like the reflection on a TV screen
The lighted window
Back behind and in the mind
Disturbingly present all consuming
Even looming...
... to proportions
Of unbearable distraction
Gone without notice...
....UNTIL....
...that very second
that you realize- it isn't there
Then it is
To suddenly reappear

Far beyond the imaginations
Ability to comprehend or defend
We often find
That place where past and present
Often collide and bind
Themselves into that
Which is never sought...
... never forgot
Something you paid for but never bought
That lesson learned
That you wish to God
you had  never been taught

Ive had my fill
Of every ill
That the world
Keeps trying ...to instill
I've had my fill
I've had...I've had...I've had
I've had my fill

Keep telling me lies
Even though ...
You realize
That you no longer
Even have to try and hide
Them!
Behind .......a thin disquise

I think that means
That the primed machines
Are ready to go.....
.....so....
They don't care if we know
Which way the future leans

I do believe
That there are those
Who do conceive
Of just ...
..one more heave
And that will take it
Take it all the way
All the way down
To the ground !

Where others wait -
With a rope
To quickly quash...every hope
And celebrate
Once they have it bound
And all tied down

Watch and learn
From those who spurn
All the things that we hold dear
As they tell us
whats what
Then turn a deaf ear
And it's then
as they twist and bend
And rend the truth

By attitudes and platitudes
They separate us ...Into classes
All the while
They clinch their teeth
To hide the smile

Apprehension encouraged
By descending deeper
and deeper
Into dissention
Convoluted amplituded
Learned from those
With whom ...
...they colluded
Those enemies of the free
But still...you may be
One of those who still denies
What is RIGHT ...
.....In front
Of your eyes

Just so you know
When that sun has set
Don't waste time waiting
For the light of dawn
If you bought the darkness
Then thats the ...
...the future you will get

I've had my fill....of every ill
That the world keeps trying ...
....to instill !

So i must be gone. 2 poems in a row
Cant get on.

It was a nothing day
In a nothing week
In a nothing month
All just part of a nothing year
And as I was sitting there
I came close to saying
All part of a nothing life
In my fit of morose overdose
It was too close
Then I pushed back the plate
Of a non - descript meal
In a non - descript cafe
Where eating alone in
Just added another layer
To what couldn't get any greyer
As I looked out the plate glass
I could see straight through
My own reflection
A fitting end to a  " Hey" I said
" Well what do you know "
My reflection gave me a smile
As the first flake of pristine snow
Passed through it .. as if to say
True reflection isn't seen in the glass
Its how you see with appreciation....
                           .... the inner view
What you let pass right on through ....
                            Or what.....you hold on to.

I've held onto
that memory now
for a long long time.

We all try to live
Our lives
In these...... fragile
Insulated bubbles
That we hope will
keep in ...all our
sacred secrets
And keep out
All the troubles

But I just do not
Understand
How we've gotten so
Bogged down
Fog bound
That we
Just  keep goin
Round and round
Round and round

These same old circles
Over and over
The same old ground
Getting in
Deeper and deeper
And a little bit deeper

Deep deep
Deep  deep
Deep deep
Deeper as we try
The best we can
To pretend
Not to notice
NOT TO CARE,!!
GOOD GOD MUD CHUCKER !!
Are you such a stupid sucker
That you would rather
Let the world die
As you continue to
Lie the lie that you deny
That you were sold

Even now you hang on to
What you got hung up on
Getting in deeper and deeper
At every turn
The air is thin
Yet deeper and deeper
With every turn
Safely ensconced
In the fragility
Of that insulated bubble

So tell me ...WHY
That man with a shovel
Is wiping away who we were
      Where we've been
Covering up all our knowledge
And the deep hole
That you deny  we're in.

Shall we succumb
To the ill winds of sophism
Accepting all
Which is to come
Demoralised
By small minded
Fallacies
Rendering
Death blow annihilations
In slow motion periodicity
To all those slogging along
Through pluvial mortifications
Kept at bay
By the sorrowful embrace
Of a smattering of words
Elevated
To pacify
Those rent of hope
Bane of reason
Forbade all reply
Slow burn percipients
Of rich class leavings
Conditioned to accept
All...ill winds of sophistry
Prisoners of ignorance
Believing that they are free
While....
Suffering through the confusion
Of mass delusion!!!!

What matters most to us as human beings
Our spiruality  our family
Our ability to see possibilities in the stars
Loving animals  the smell and vastness of oceans
The smell of a bakery on the wind wafting into our souls
The smell of fresh cut grass ..the sweetness of candy
Or maybe the pungency of a good cheese
Or is it our ability to find pleasure in all these things
as it should be
Not hiding behind any false walls or lies or a disguise
Or maybe its just a beautiful soul with deep soulful brown eyes

All dreams seem to run like fine sand
Through even the tightest clinched fist
Gone long before the last grain
Is known to be gone or even missed

All implications lead to decimations
Of any decisions or those visions
Where the road leads to a horizon
Worthy of the cost of any revisions

Once the hard climb uphill depletes
All equity and valuation adjusted
For those hopes and dreams left on the street
Become the derelict afterthoughts busted ...
....for overdosing on hopelessness!

Tuesday, September 26, 2017
6:26 PM

Poetry 2017


You never know

No doubt exists that I was not
The only one who was able to resist
For as long as I did
And to escape venturing into the web world ...
..with all its problems and benefits
I would be remiss
If I did miss
the opportunity to say that it has been a blessing and a curse
But it could definitely be worse
So whether I like it or not I've been on the web....
... for probably 10 years or more without
wanting to be....wishing to be ..or needing to be .. and it used to like make me angry
I guess as they say nothing ever leaves the  web
So...yes!

yes it was a Day to Remember
while we were playing softball
a lot of these 30 year old kids
And I was out in left field

I was actually bored
And
somewhat moored
to the spot I had been since ...My ok.. who knows when ...then
I heard that crack ...of the bat
As it caught a good purchase on the ball
and it was suddenly sailing over my head like a congressional junket going to look at a disaster zone .
Unfortunately for me and my frozen
, somewhat dozin'... knees  
We were not syronized ...

...,which I only realized after ...just after!
Yes I do realize I stepped into the lime!ight to tell the tale
But it is  my prerogativte to take my time
As well!
Not all that easy to bare your soul
to just let go
Standing metophorically naked
before the world
And talk about that day... when
It was not metaphoric

Within 10 measly seconds...
... from hearing that bat crack
Seeing the ball go sailing off over my head
and starting to run
In a race to see who would give in first

Me or my poor knee...which one doesn't matter
As I'm pretty sure had one gone...!
it was taking the other along
As well as me !
With the whole support team that managed
Barely at times
To keep me upright and steady.

10 measly seconds !

I'm sure the sound of that crack still rang in my ears
When I found myself being hurled...
...up and over that 4 foot chain link fence

Well ...almost over.!

10 second from crack to crack

As the twisted little demon Barb's atop this ...
...this monsterous mangeler of blue jeans
That allowed me to clear enough at that
That final second of that inevetabe conclusion time

As it appears across the mindscreen in full living color
You know that tune and I'm sure at least once
In every adult person's life
Everyone has had to dance to it's tune
Sometimes the rosy vision... was
the outcome and sometimes ...
well hell ...it happens!

So that day my mind was all in
" Gonna win ..gonna win ..please !!!
But the message apparantly failed to inform my knees
Because just as I went to leap -Superman style- over that fence
They decided to chuck it and by that I mean they said " oh F* it!

And me !
I come so close to success ...before
it all became a life-changing mess
I suddenly found I was hanging upside down
,slung across the fence top !ike a wet beach towel across the back of a lawn recliner
my hair was touching the ground
my *** crack smiled a croeeoked sideways grin at all 40 or 50 people
who had come to watch the game

So who could ever find  blame
For my sudden sense of panic as I tried to extracateate myself
Without taking a second to examine my SELF
I myself grabbed two ground level hands full of chainlink fence
As I stared  through it
realizing there were kids up there as well
And as I tried to pull my other half along with where ever I was going  
Then
 finding that around the equator
I was being threatened by those twisted barb's

Was..... is the very oppropriate word here
because I definitely made it worse

A few seconds of calm and cool reflection
would have offered me protection  
And whats the harm of letting an old friend  
See a friends naked crack
as they would have carefully
eased me back onto the infield side

I would have lost a little pride
taken all jokes in stride
as they would tease and deride

After all what's a friend for if a bare *** can come between
But now as I was screaming and bleeding and screaming ****** ******
An exposed bare **** is nothing
compared to what!?
when it's a schiscabobbed ...uh.. that coming between us

Not that I lay- now or even then -
any blame

As I would have done the same
Were I not the the one kicking and bleeding and making it worse
As I kicked and wiggle and dragged out every lifetime learned curse
The little blame I can actually place on them
Would be...
For not calling 911 a little soonerI think
Because people being people
And as  they always want to tell you the card to play
Even when they know the game you play is called soltary
Annoy the game a second or two and move on is
not a big deal I'd say
But as the hesitation time grew long
with all the confusion ..panic and pain
A crowd grew up to add advice ..okay
kinda nice...but a few
Just had to examine
But i was mortified when
without an if you please
a few got down and started taking selfies

parametics arrived and came to my defense haha
I can laugh about it now
but up to that point in my life
I thought...

I thought  that I had thick skin .
You know what  mean !
That is ...
Until the first time I saw those selfies appearing on FB..then all the crap I got was ...!

Oh I know it's out there somewhere ..lurking in the memory banks of the web or cloud
But
For a while
my discomfort seemed to draw a crowd
who had to show me what someone had made and put on the web..all the while
dishing out all the usual advice and telling me
it really wasnt allowed

But my little buddy had found a neich....
and for about 3 yrs that's where it stayed

I have to admit now...
after over ten years since I've seen any activity
On the web
That the human animal
has a weird streak and needs to have their fun
But sometimes it was hard to take
As  they had way too much time and creativity
It was when.  
Some joker added
about 8 foot of extention and was was enabeling it to move around  on the ground
Like a snake ...now that's wrong and that ....
arteest was really twisted
...That I began to wonder if
It would ever end!
....
Oh well! I survived

And all is well in the mortal sense .
In the ensuing 13 yrs .
I've not heard anyone say anything ..
Not in almost 10 years .!.but I have had my fears
Because I have kids now
Five yrs and eight and like they always say ..
Nothing on the web will ever go away
! sooner or later it will raise it's ugl ly he...y!
I've always wondered and worried about that day

So 3 yrs ago I got my first computer and smart phone
Took a night class after trying to figure it all out on my own
And if it's ever gonna come back to haunt me and taunt me or my kids
I'll be able to explain or evade or block or have it removed ,but why ?

What I've now seen out there in the wild wild web is.. well my ...
...emergency
That's what it was .
So..
.that's what I'll say is the truth
And that it isn't even applicable

So I have now decided I will not even try to deny
The fact ,the existence or the truth ..about that..
or any other thing out there ..
In the wild wild web!

Because you see
I had to grow into  that knowledge...
The very fact that you never know

A year ago my wife was killed in a sudden and unexpected way
By a blood clot after a four hour flight delay ..that's what they say .
A thousand miles away and the weather... the kids.   nothing  I could do but be a dad
Wait for the people who do their jobs
working out all the details
as I try to gently soften what was going to be bad

A week after the internment I took the suitcase off the bed
Wondering if I could sleep in it again
or back to the recliner where I had been...
instead
For pure reasons of distracting
I spent some time ..a lot of time unpacking
As I put her things away

The dresses I hung with lingering care
in that part of the closet where
she had claimed dominion

The shoes in the boxes and neatly stacked.....
just the way she would have done it

All the assundries I sat back into that overcrowded and complex
array
on the bathroom vanity

Her cell phone and tablet I simply slipped into the top bureau drawer
It was where she tried
(  Laughingly  )
It was her attempt at keeping it away from
our then 5 year old son.

But he and Amelia each had their own
fully operational from day one
but that honor
Came with the promise
that they would ask me first
and always ask about
what they see or hear

So it sat there in her drawer for over two years and would have stayed forever... if

If I had not backed over mine last Saturday morning .  
I dicided it was important that I'm accessable for the kids
And we would have had the same basic apps and ...okay games
She used her for work a lot so I knew it would not ...have been
All that valuable to me.  
In ...
the way it was
and I was not...at all
ready for change ...yet!

Then, just about 30 minutes ago
when I suddenly pulled into this parking lot and... ....well!
I'll just make it real simple ....the first thing that happened after it charged up and I turned it on
Was this...
It  started playing the 4 songs we sang ...tegether at a karioke bar the night before
she flew to Maine

And after they finished
her sweet .lovely voice started talking to me
as if...
... we were in our kitchen or living room!
And it was..
... within the first 10 seconds
of hearing her speak
I felt my composure crack !

She said ..
,
I've talked to you Jack every free moment I get when I'm away
for all the years we've been together

And filed it in compressed form for you and the kids ..just because .
..
..you never know..
but I want you to know this.
I hope that hearing me speak to you it's like I'm there
And talking to you
Like I do makes it seem like you are always here
So...
It's in a file you will find that's named ...
My forever love
.
So...yeah!
It's a crazy wild wild web world out there... but you know ...sometimes good appears just because .because you never know !!