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,how do you know when
(a human is too broken?)




<•>

human too broken?

like the light bulb, removal from its fixture, a simple shaking revelation of the tinkling filament spent, something that cannot be repaired, the only option is replacement and that makes
you cry

the empty box of oatmeal raisin cookies, you find secret’d,
hid by you, not to be found by you
at the bottom of the kitchen garbage,
but box betrayal, by the chartreuse tipped box lid sided
peeking upwards, asking, silencing screaming,
what did I do to deserve
this degrading

like the blouse now too tight that it brings stares as the buttons strain, unwelcome attention unintended,
you know it but still pretend not to see,
for you both once loved that silky guise that so
heightened the high tender, the match of your pink rose skin letting, no! making
your eyes glisten, like broken filament glass, on the sidewalk,
recalling the pleasured admiration,
rain remembered from the
prior priority of a life consisting of only
perfect gifts

so mean revert to the poseur question; this is how...

remove the human from a fixed place, whimpering-threatened,
you may hear clear the crackle cackling  of the innard shards against the misperception of a body intact,
even if you do,
no repair service you want,  can be found, see it nowhere,
is it even
anywhere advertised?

the body presumed intact is secret’d under a tactile coverlet,
holey scupperrd holy cuttered
so that the cells and bicuspids, the threads
no longer function in a tandem,
you keep it in the closet closed,
in the back, deep hid, where,
when it screams why,
it can be safe ignored,
because  ‘betrayed’ is no longer a word,
in your globe's dictionary,
the parental controls activated by you to
save your own inner child’s unconstrained confusion,
it has been removed


so the broken glass, the clothes you dressed each other,
if not weep-well,
well enough hid,
the fit is off,
the fit is off,
the coverlet ripped so bad and neither cares
an unexpected poem, unplanned, needing work
aug 4-5
People changes
And Time too,
Memories fade away,
To welcome the new
As Time and Tide
Waits for none
All are busy now
So, you have to run
Still make some time
To know yourself
Love your own life
And live well..
We shouldn't expect
A star to shine
Resplendently
All the time
It also has a right
Just like us
To rest
When it gets exhausted
Once in a very long while
But that doesn't means
That we should
So easily forget
The way it shined
On so many nights
For so long
Just because it isn't
Bright enough
As per our wants
At the moment
Doesn't means
That it has eclipsed
Or extinguished
For forever
 Aug 2018 Kayla Flanders
Lily
Rise
 Aug 2018 Kayla Flanders
Lily
The sun rises only to set
The stars come out only to disappear
She gets out of bed only to come back to to it
We are born to die

So why rise that day?
Why can’t you just not come out?
why not stay in bed?
Every second we are living we are also dieing

But that’s just how I see the world
don't read this if your looking for a happy poem
 Aug 2018 Kayla Flanders
Lily
It's hard to be myself

It’s hard to keep pretending

It’s hard to care about someone you hate

It’s hard to love someone who hurt and left you

It’s hard to care about something when you care about nothing
They didn't care when I fell apart
they didn't care to tell me that even when he is gone I am still art
they didn't care to pull me from edge
I make these sad jokes
but they flew over your head
my IG feed wants me dead
they didn't care for the futures because they didn't wanna know
and right now it shows
they didn't care to tell me where'd they go
no its just me and my woes
I find my self wanting better than this
but years and years of
it doesn't get  better than this
broke me
I forget what hope means
I feel distant but im right here
im lacking the protective layer of fear
cause i suppose I've left earths atmosphere
I was a balloon and they didn't care to hold on
 Aug 2018 Kayla Flanders
Raven
Dressed up in smiles
Dressed up in frowns

Dressed up in pride
Dressed up to hide

Dressed up for success
Dressed up to fail

Dressed up in love
Dressed up in lust

Dressed up in confidence
Dressed up in fear

I am one
But also both
July/10/2018
 Aug 2018 Kayla Flanders
Raven
Hurt
 Aug 2018 Kayla Flanders
Raven
You ended things
Because you couldn't handle a relationship
At lest that's what you said

But really
It was because
You didn't love me

So stop with the lies
And tell me the truth

Because
I no longer
Want to hurt
July/2018
it's no small wonder, watching birds learn to fly.

there's a small nest on the ledge outside my dorm window, and the chirping of the mothers wakes me up on the earliest of days. i'd be lying if i said i was overjoyed at the occurence, especially on the days when i have early class.
but then came the babies.

like me, they were cold and afraid in a completely new environment.
like me, they were scared to death of every person walking by.
like me, they had no clue how to fly.
but like me, they learned.

i live somewhere else now, and still get woken up by the birds. i can't help but wonder sometimes if they're the babies that learned to fly on the ledge outside my room around the same time that i did, stroke by wobbly stroke through the turbulent air. it's amazing how much they've grown. i'm so proud of them.

likewise, i'm proud of myself. i made it through the first year of college-bad grades, no friends, drama, and adjusting to being by myself a lot was a really hard transition. once i left the nest, that was it. and it was terrifying. but i've learned to fly since those days, and despite a badly paying job, no friends in the area, and being down on myself, i'm still hovering above the ground. that's no small accomplishment.

it's no small wonder, watching birds learn how to fly.
college narrative, i guess. it's crazy how things have come full circle, and how i've begun to look back on high school and miss what good experiences i had there(even though a lot about college is fantastic). i had blocked it and the people involved out of my mind for so long that i had almost forgotten how hard of a career high school was. while i'm glad it's over, it's interesting looking back on it from a mature perspective. i made so many bad choices. i can only hope the way i'm living now remedies those choices as best as they can. living holding onto grudges and old hurt is the hardest thing i had to learn to let go of, but it can only make your entire life toxic. and i'm still growing.
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