i was told
to make my body
my home
so i painted
embarrassment
on the walls
and hung
hate
from the ceilings
i am uncomfortable
in this home
and the image i see
saddens me
because this home
is messy
and the other girls
are pristine

s.s

He fell in love with her leaves, not her roots, so when autumn came he didn't know what to do.

regret number one: i didn’t do it for love
i confess i know too many languages
i didn’t ferry the moon across my heart.
too much fear to break the rules.

regret number two: i wrapped my voice
into a seashell and buried it into the sand.
i broke my poet’s promise to always write in caps.
i am too unsure to write in triplets.

this is where i apologize
for bringing us to the end.
every poem is too long
never enough slices of happiness.

this is where i admit
i broke yet another promise
fingers dripping with orange juice
and i couldn’t give you a slice.

final regret: this one’s a whisper
as my legs stumble a beat
and my heart misses the horizon.
don’t let go of me just yet.

i take it back. there is
no conformity in lowercase.
a quiet breeze, a soft freedom
a will to sketch a greyer plot.

and now, for once
there isn’t enough room for regret
all i can do is hope
this is not the end

sit here with me, won’t you
and hope this is not the end
that this moment will come again
and there will be more oranges to slice.

I received news today that a possible buyer is coming to look at my apartment on Tuesday and if they want to buy then I have about 60 days to get out.
This sent my brain in a spiral of worry and sadness.
I cried because that's not a lot of time and I'm broke and because I will miss my apartment so bad and everything it represents.
Independence, home, struggle, power, freedom, mine.
My boyfriend and I sat down and tried to figure out what to do.
He texted one of his friends who's been looking to move as well and we decided to all get a place together.
It's literally such an early phase.
I don't know if I will HAVE to move yet or if moving in with a friend will actually happen.
But it excites me.
A change. A real change.
Possibly less stress because it won't be all on my shoulders anymore.
I might actually get some help.
I might save some money.
It's hard to imagine all of this right now.
But, my heart is hopeful that this will be positive.
And my heart is sad to leave the place I've called home and worked my *** off for, for three years.

i feel like sunshine
until the sun sets
then i feel everything
at once

s.s

i am learning to love myself
like he never could
and darling
i can feel flowers
growing from my scars
reaching for the sunshine
of my new found smile

s.s