Ten teaspoons of pure suffering
With a sprinkle of love toughening
Add a pound of tormented soul
To mix up into the life bowl
                      
A tiny pinch of happiness
With a huge handful of darkness
Now give those two a solid roll
To mix up into the life bowl

Maybe add a dash of pleasure
Which must be light as a feather
Add chunks of torture for that toll
To mix up into the life bowl

Don’t forget a cup of heartbreak
Including all friends that are fake
With that, your recipe is whole
To mix up into the life bowl.

A chilly resolve spreads through my veins
Like ice cold water, freezing my pains

My defenses close in, shielding my tattered soul
From the endless frays that have taken their toll

This quilted heart made of hurt and despise
Is hidden away in a carefully crafted disguise
Of carefree happiness and faraway eyes
Never giving way to the pain and the lies

The truth is a reminder I long to forget
Yet truth remains, forever beset

And though I grow weary, the icy wall remains tall
Impossible to breach, keeping away any and all

What they don't understand
is that I need to feel broken
I need to destroy myself
instead of those around me

Because how do I feel
unless I cut cut cut
Cut away the emotions
and cover it with pain

The scars may not disappear
nor the endless grief
but at least for a moment
it will all fade away

A ticking time bomb
Destructive for all
That is all I am
and that is all I'll ever be