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I remember the day you left us like it happened yesterday.
You told me you couldn't be with us anymore. That you had to leave, that you weren't happy anymore. As you left you promised me that you would see me in a few weeks. A few weeks turned into 4 years, and you are still trying to make up for that time that was lost.
You used to be a good dad. You used to take me out on adventures every Saturday morning. I remember sitting in your old truck listening to Pink Floyd on our way to Yosemite, always remembering to stop by that little cafe to buy me blueberry pancakes.
You were the first man to break my heart, stand me up, and leave me. You used to not lash out at us in anger.
You used to have gentle hands but now they are balled up fists sewn tight with anger, and just like your words, they hurt. You aren't a father anymore, just a stranger who sleeps on our couch in the living room after stumbling in drunk at 3 AM.
Purple patches coving your completely swollen cheeks.
Gums conquering your teeth.
Bruises all over you arms.
You walk into class, and all goes quiet.
Then comes the incessant laughter.
After they calm, and you sit down, embarrassed completely.
The whispers, the giggles, the pointing, you cannot handle it.
You run out of the room and dash out of the school.
You run all the way home,
and as soon as you reach your bedroom, you drop to the floor,
screams and sobs flooding your household.
Of course, the kids would laugh. I'm ugly, I'm different, I'm disgusting.
And I've been cursed with Leukemia.
I am forever changed; no I’ll never be the same
Since the day that you first came
Came into my life

I am a better person now I realize this is true
And it’s all because I had the joy
The joy of knowing you

You taught me how to love, to play, and live
And what I wouldn’t give to spend one more day
Just one more day with you

I learned about true friends and that it’s okay to cry
You were always there for me and I’ll never know
I’ll never know a better friend than you

You made a place inside my heart; it was there that you would stay
The time has come and you have gone away
Leaving me with a hole in my heart that will not leave

My love for you will never die
Though the tears my dry in time
Time will never erase the love I have for you

I miss you dearly my beloved friend
You are with us to the end
You are at our very core
Now be at peace forever more
 Apr 2015 The Demons Within
Holly
Hidden behind theses eyes
Is a broken girl.
Shes lost and deeply hurt,
She wants to find the one
To save her.
But no one could risk this battle.
You may not notice.
But this girl is
dead.
Hello, Alex. You look so good today. Like you did yesterday. Your smile is still as cute, and your eyes as shiny and hipnotizing. I want a hug now, and many kisses later. It's a demand.

She wrote these words in my notebook, in the middle of class.
I smiled and looked at her.
Sent her a kiss.
She blushed.

Next class we sat next to each other.
She was tired; stayed up late doing homework.
She would rest her head on my shoulder, and hold my hand.
I could feel the *butterflies
in my stomach, and my heart racing.

After school we both went to her house.
She put on her pijamas, and got into bed.
I layed next to her, holding her in my arms.
She looked so calm and pretty.
I started giving her little kisses on her cheek, on her forehead, on her neck, on her lips.

Oh, her sweet lips!
She gives the most sweetest, tender and loving kisses I've ever had.
Her kisses are full of passion and care.

I could hardly breathe.
She has the ability to make me lose my breath.
My heart was racing, and she could feel it.
We kissed and held each other tight, marveled at how our bodies fit perfectly with one another.

My hands found their way under her blouse, drawing her slim silhouette with my fingertips.
Running down her chest to her stomach.
From her hips to her thighs.
Her skin was so soft it felt like velvet under my fingers.
She started doing the same to me.
Her fingers traced a distinct line going from my chest to my belt, and further below.

Her lips were still upon mine.
My breath still missing.

Her top was off.
My shirt also gone.
Her arms around me.
My arms around her.

Hands going under the clothes.
Heavy breathing.
Muffled moaning.
No more clothes.

Her body couldn't be any more perfect than it already is.
I was lost kissing her tasty neck, biting slightly, while I grasped her small, perky *******.
Her skin was so warm and cozy.
I couldn't get enough of her.

Me touching her.
Her touching me.
My breath was nowhere to be found.
I felt ecstatic.
I was in heaven.

After all was done, we both laid there, right next to each other.
She was still in my arms as we both tried to catch our breaths back.
We looked at each other in the eyes.
We smiled at each other and kissed one more time.

*I could've died in that moment.
 Mar 2015 The Demons Within
s
six
 Mar 2015 The Demons Within
s
six
I wish I was six.
I could build a castle and be the most beautiful princess when I was six.
All I needed to fall asleep was my door cracked open and my momma's voice.
The cloud of kool aid dust made me happier than a lot of things, especially if I got to pour it.
When I was six I was amazing
When I was six I fought dragons and won.
Now that I am older I realize I'm not a princess and I can't quite remember how I built that castle.
Now I can't sleep with my door cracked open. I haven't been able to sleep much at all anymore.
Kool Aid has more sugar than water. It just makes me sad now.
I'm weak
The dragons fight me
And I keep trying to fight back
But I just don't win anymore.
I wish I was still little
Is it best to fight the fight and lose
or walk away intact
Is there victory in battles lost
just because you chose to act

Is it possible to lose something
that you know you cannot win
'Cause when it comes to you and me
that's just the place I'm in

There's so many things I want to say
but I'm sure you don't want to hear
And that alone is all it takes
to have me paralyzed in fear

Your smile's enough to light my day
when everything else is dark
You came in and blew my world away
with a tiny little spark

All of this I'd say to you
if I thought there were a chance
That we would take each others hand
and so begin to dance

But I don't know if there is music
I hear no singer and no band
And I'm scared to death of standing there
alone with my outstretched hand

Maybe you'll happen cross this page
and read what I had to say
And on that day I guess we'll let
the chips fall where they may.
Don't mistake survival for happiness,
Read behind the eyes,
Read between the lines,
Don't ask for an open mind,
What's inside isn't all it seems,

Take the smile as a gospel truth,
Accept normality as a guide of peace
Be appeased the simple things are easy,
The daily routine is routinely pacifying.

All I ask as I carry on keeping on,
Remember the fight I engaged to be here,
To remain here, to stand not flee,
I will not ask for concern, just remember.
Please just remember I am still fighting.
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