"Because I could not stop for death-
He kindly stopped for me."
It was horrific,
A kind of backwards birth;
A gulp for air,
A pitiful sob,
The intimate undoing.
Death may have stopped for me,
But it wasn't me he took.

I dreamt that you left,
And I cried tears of blood.
They say dreams have meaning,
and I don't know what that means,
but I think you're killing me

She was the kind of girl
who breathed life in her kiss
and lit a fire in my spine.
She gambled with death
and won my life.
I'm a bit afraid of her,
But now I can never die
for her grip on my soul is too tight.

I'm trying
I have called for help
I have kept going
Done everything they said to do
And none of its working
Its like I have a knife in my neck and people keep checking my legs to find the problem.
I don't know if that makes sense
I don't think I make sense.
Going to start taking meds again
It makes me more suicidal
But it makes my mom happy
Makes her feel like she is helping
Makes her feel like I am trying to be better
Mom I am trying
My head just hates me and I don't know how to make it stop
I've given up.

Chill out
Take your meds
Don't worry
Just be normal
Stop stressing out
Talk to someone
You're not okay
You need help
Stop crying
Wake up you're an adult now
Why don't you want help
I want to help you.
Dear people who keep telling me this I honestly am so tired right now. I am trying to please too many people.
But I guess that's all I live for anymore
I live for other people.
So nevermind keep talking
Keep going
Cause I need it.

you took your paintbrush
and said
it was all too dark

a little love is all it needs
a little light is all it needs

I never know if when you say goodbye
It will be the last time
Your voice is an echo in my head
But I don't know where it's coming from
You never told me you loved me
And I think that's because you never did
But even if it's a lie
I wish it was "I love you"
Pulsing in my ears
Instead of "goodbye"

It struck a chord in me to say the least.
Your voice filled with the hurt and pain
that I experience most nights alone in my bed.
Your eyes allowing me to peak into your window
and see underneath the layers of self-confidence
where I’d find the same marks of doubt.
I should have known we were one in the same
the day you told me I was pretty
because you saw the sadness in my arms.
But instead, I dug deeper into myself
searching for love that would never arrive
and in people who wouldn’t think twice
of sailing me out to sea.
I needed someone like you who understood
how my scalding showers shed the skin
I could no longer bear to be in
and how no matter how loud I sang
the suicidal thoughts wouldn’t go away.
I never realized I needed you,
but ******* did you need me.
You viewed me as your sunshine
when I only saw myself as shade.
I’m sorry that my words are coming to you so late.
How could I have been so blind
when you could see right through me?

“How would you feel if I killed myself?”
Well,
do you ever think that butterflies
floating from flower to flower
wonder “what’s my purpose?”
Because I never thought something so beautiful
could question its existence.