Some of the craziest blue eyes
That you’ve ever seen
Bright blue eyes
Always observant
Always watching

Dull green eyes
Never noticing
Never seeing

What do you do
When the one you want
Is the one who doesn't notice you

I studied that face
For as long as I could remember
My first semester
I should have got an F in that class
Because I could not comprehend
What I learned
I ended first semester with a bad attitude
About that subject
I could not understand
The paradox that was shown

How could someone
Be so mean
And so nice
So harsh
So judgemental
And so kind
And thoughtful?

Second semester started
I decided to start out
Un-biased
I would analyze everything
But not let it affect me personally

As I studied
Constantly
Even away I was still thinking
And now I think I understand
You.

I know that you are proud
Of the things your father does
I know you are not knowledgeable
In most worldly things
And you’re alright with that
You hate being teased
But it's so easy to
You are quick to judge
Yet you reprimand others for it
You like arguing pointless things
You like being right
You stand up for those you care about
Your face turns so red
When embarrassed
You aren’t as rude
When you’re around people
You don’t want to impress
You’re funny in a weird way
When you laugh
I always think of a gurgling river
Or an exploding geyser
You do cute things when you think no one
Is watching
I could go on
And on about the virtues
And the imperfections
That are you

But after this semester is over
I think I got an  A+ in this class
And I have learned so much from you
This isn’t about a crush
A teenager love
This is me
Finally understanding
Someone who has always been around me
Someone that has always confused me
That now makes me laugh
Whenever I realize
What he’s doing
Or trying to

Sometimes I imagine
The wall I would build around my heart
If I needed to
Maybe it would be made of red bricks
Maybe sticks or straw
That a wolf could easily blow down.

Maybe it would be a huge concrete wall
Solid and hard
Maybe it would be made of metal
With bolts connecting the rounds
Maybe it would be hard to get through

Maybe my wall would be made of glass
Easy to see through
Delicate
Easy to break
But beautiful in the light

Maybe I won’t build a wall
I’ll be easy to read
Easy to break
Easy to hurt
Vulnerable to the outside storm

I have always hated change
I don’t like the unexpected
When I have a way I do things
I don’t change it

And then when someone suddenly decides
That its time for change
Let's move! Away from everything
Your life
Your friends
Your school
And I can’t do anything about it
I hate it

And the something happens
Or multiple things
Maybe stress
Maybe drama
Maybe family relationships

And then suddenly
I can’t wait
To leave
And start anew

All around me
I hear sounds
My neighbor's radio blasting
The tv downstairs blaring
The kitten on chair purring
My knuckles cracking
My sisters bickering
The floor creaking
That slight ringing that is a constant in my ears
If I focus on what I hear enough

And to block it all out
I pull out my earbuds
And go to my hiding place

My pink mechanical pencil
Is sitting right beside my computer

The brand and lead size
is worn off, from all the use

The eraser has been changed
Countless times

There is graphite dust
in a few places in the grip

My other pencil
the same but purple

Lost its clip
I wiggled my pencil too much

Which is why the purple one
Is out of order

When I'm bored
or anxious

I'll pick up my pencil
Spin it, wiggle it, open and close it

Take apart
and put back together

Anything that can be done to my pencil
Will be done

Thanks to my constant need
for motion

I always wish
That hand-writing
A letter
Didn’t go out of style.

I miss the excitement
Of getting something in the mail.
Opening a hand addressed envelope
And reading the words sent to me.

But now
All I get in the mail
Is bills and unwanted
Or needed, advertisements.