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I won't give up this time because I am strong.
Copyright 2-25-2015 Elizabeth Lawrence ©
I am just really tired of not being good enough
Copyright 4-1-2015 Elizabeth Lawrence ©
Today is just tomorrow's yesterday,
then-again nothing ever changes anyway.

It's still as it always will be,
but now you're here with me.

So burrow away my little tick, and
make yourself at home in my brain.

The dreadfully-real nothings can
love my blood once again.
.
Eyes drift
From this to that
Sharp edges protruding
From the pieces of my shattered heart
How can I hide them?
Sand them down smoothe again
Keep calm now
Step forward
Leave the past where it is
Remind myself I can
Start again
I am I
You are you
But we are they
And they are all
And all are it
And it is wild

But I am I
And you are you
And I am good
And you are pure

She loves him
And he loves god
He'll grow old
And she'll go on

Still they are we
And we are it
And it, it runs
It does not walk

It charges blind
Into the dark
Without remorse
And without thought
I love him. I will until the end of time. I feel his hand in mine.... His fingers like ghostly kisses against my palm. He read it once. He told me I would have three children, all with my eyes. Then he whispered under his breath that they wouldn't be his.
I told him they would be, but he only hummed in disagreement. He stayed silent about it for years.

Yesterday, he held my hand just like he is right now. His fingers lingered on the calloused skin for a moment. He looked surprised, as if he recognized the feeling. I told him I loved him. I said it all of the time and I knew he felt the same, but this time he didn't say it back. He walked away.
I woke up this morning to three missed calls: one from his mother, one from the hospital, and one from our mutual best friend. I recognized what those three calls meant. I climbed out of bed and walked to the balcony outside of my three story apartment. I was about to let my tears escape when I felt his hand in mine. I suddenly realized why those three children would never be his. His fingers were ghostly as he traced the lines of my palm.
I know this isn't a poem, but I'm proud of it because I fought through my writers block to write this. A friend of mine asked for a story that he could illustrate and this is what came out.
I am sick of trying and never finding any peace
Copyright 3-9-2015 Elizabeth Lawrence ©
I'm the *****,
the quiet girl in the front of the class,
according to the handicap stall in the upstairs boys bathroom, a ****.
I love, and when I do I love to no ends.
But you'd never know how much this ***** loves, because there is no love shown.
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