i. descent

three years of
trial and tribulation

three years of
self-pity
and regret

i kept asking:
is there something
wrong with me?

am i my own
worst enemy?

am i my own
biggest threat?

three years ago,
i thought
i lost it all

a fall from grace
that put me
to the test.

ii. decision

i had
two options:



fail


or


try my best


to not be
a part of
the problem

to let the past
be the past

and
lay it all
to rest.

iii. healing

as the years
went by,

i learned
to break free

i learned
to forgive my
past

so the bad dreams
could finally
drift away

and i
can finally

be at peace,

at last.

i was lost,
battered,
bruised—

lost in
a cyclical
spiral,

a downfall
i told myself

i wouldn’t go
through again.

life was on
autopilot,

and i did
all i can

to weather
this storm.

i was struggling
to see the other
side,

then you
came in
my life,

picked up
the pieces,
and

helped
a broken heart

mend and
repair,

so i could
cross over

and finally
see the light.

because of
you,

i believe
in love again.

because of you,

i’m learning
to be a better
person,

so i can
fight for another
day,

just so i

can be with you
for the rest
of my life.

i once was
lost in myself,
but now i’m home.

life is better
when i spend
every waking

moment with
you.

i don't have
the time

(don't have
the time)

for this
internal
fight.

i say i've
got hope

but i let
it take over
me tonight.

what a tragic
mess,

a cacophony
of internal
sounds

spinning from a
broken record

filled to the
brim with
regrets.

if this isn't
a test,

my strength is
enduring,

and i will
make the best
of this.

i said i was
lost,

but my soul is
unwavering

and
because of you
by my side,

life is a little
easier

to manage
and survive

and that's
enough for
now.

waking up in a haze,
wondering what day it is.

nights blurring into the next,
trying to pull myself together.

lost, confused, wondering:
what the hell is wrong with me?

is this just a phase?
is this post-traumatic response
or recovery?

because everything seems
to go too fast, or
way too slow,

and i think
i'm gonna breakdown.

stupid toxic tendencies,
i keep trying every day,
and it's oh-so exhausting.

imagine an enemy,
only you can see—

man vs. self,
back to the basics
of healing and discovery.

fighting the bad thoughts,
just to get another day.

so tired and over it,
i gotta claw my way out,

or i'll never truly be set free.

Heart beating,
short of breath.

I wake up alone
and wonder:

What would life be like

without you by my side?

The fear of losing you
leaves me choked up inside,

but I'm doing my best
to cast those feelings aside.

It's taken me so long
to open my eyes,

a long journey marred by mistakes,
one after another.

It's taken me so long just
to let my guard down and try.

Sick and tired of building up walls,
I'm simply tired of losing it all.

I'll do everything in my power
to save myself from the fall,

just to spend one more night

with you by my side.

You found me
in a broken state,

heartbroken,
building up my walls,

classic fight-or-flight,
trauma calling the shots.

I gave up wanting more,
but you came at the right time—

not to save me from myself,
but to show me how to live,
let go,

and let bygones
be bygones.

I couldn’t believe
that someone

would give me
a chance,

but you never
gave up on me,

even when I was
falling through
the cracks.

You showed me what
true love should be,

and I’m never going back.