i don't miss you because you treated me like dirt
i just felt so hurt,
we had good times
but being honest you committed too many crimes

i don't miss you because you made me feel alone
you'd say i always moan
but did you ever think that i was saying something other than white noise
people would say they're just boys
but did you ever listen
as i opened the gates to my mind
or were you just blind and resigned

i don't miss you
but i keep falling through the same avenue
i don't know what i am supposed to do
but i know i'm through with you

i don't miss you
but why am i the one who feels numb
whilst you haunt my night
and rob me of my hindsight
because in the sunlight
i don't miss you,  but at midnight
all i seem to write about is how much i miss you with my spite

We blanket our fears with silly defense mechanisms to shelter any shame we carry
From every angle we stand we are judged at first sight
We pretend we aren't critics but we are hypocrites everyday
As we seek the forgiveness we can't give in return
We make promises and sugar coat little white lies
As we defensively reassure the world we are mistunderstoond and unique
The truth is our narcissim reeks like bad perfume suffocating everyone around us
As we stand tall for whatever it is we believe in
It's just denial
Because inside we are tormented with insecurities and charachter defects
Inside our stomachs are fluttering with anxiety and secrets too painful to remember
Inside we are incarcerated with a plethora of misguided ghosts screaming for an escape
Inside bombs are bursting out gunshots and out hearts have bullet wounds to prove it
Our viles of happiness are never satisfied
We are always seeking more
But we are never sure what we are looking for
Some sort of accomplishment or recognition
Maybe validation
A sign that we are still breathing with a euphoria seeping out our pores into the air
A sign of greatness
Maybe we want that picture perfect dream that we fantasize about until we reassure ourselves we are lunatics for wishing
We feel debased because our choices keep the odds against us
We are incapable of managing our own lives
And maybe nothing will restore our piece of mind
It's insanity--our thoughts
I think its called delusional
Because in reality nothing goes as expected
We had learned to cope with self medication
Because all the doctors were wrong
Something had to fill our voids in our hearts
Something had to stop the brain from processing emotions
We chased after something invisible
A force that spiriled our lives down into the ground
We ran away like little children afraid of the dark
Because we thought the pain would be like daggers through our hearts
Stabbing us over and over again until we died from sufferance
The pain was too frightening to look directly in the eye
If it were easy or if there was a simplier way of figuring it out we wouldn't have wasted so many years battling the addiction that wears a shield of armor
If it were easy the grass would be green and we'd never have to water it
If it were easy we wouldn't be so sensitive to triggers and flashbacks
It's not easy
It is World War 3 every single day
There is a chip on our shoulder and a devil on the other jumping up and down eager to break us
He is whispering temptations;
Seducing us with our vices, pushing us to collapse like an avolance until we overdose
He is waiting patiently and constantly because he knows us so well
We were weak for so long and he is hungry for our failures
He wants us to throw our hands up and call it quits
And the worst part is just when we think we've won it gets worse
And we are forced to stand in the mirror and detect every flaw of imperfection we wish to erase
And then it comes back all our defense mechanisms
The way we present ourselves to the big whole wide world
Biting our lip in sufference
Haunted by a past of turmoil and depression
It is hard to communicate to those who don't understand our demons
We are looked down upon and there is another stupid burden to carry
Because everything adds up and we get tired of all the negative
We get stomped on and spit on and drug through hell
But then something clicks
And we look around the room and we realize we are not alone
We are brave, strong and somehow still alive
And there is a person to your left an another to your right starring right through you
But all you can do is hand over the keys to your self destructive behavior and pray that help is on the way
Because we are addicts batteling the same devils in different levels of the game
Because we were dealt with a bad hand
But we played with what we had
And suddenly everything was ok when we walked into the doors to our recovery
and said
Hello, I am an addict

I really wanted to believe
We are enough for each other
Sometimes we peek into the future
And we become unsure
Because some nights get colder
We freeze

The thing is.. We are enough
Look back at yesterday
Look at today
Future is lust that will never be satisfied by this moment

I know sometimes
You wish you could be anything else
And I want you to fill my fate
Sit and spin
Let the sun gets old and draw the pictures for them

She was a flower in a field of glass,
but her thorns were sharper still.
If you held her for too long you started to bleed.
Yet I couldn't let her go.
The pain was too sweet.
She had emeralds for eyes.
The curves of her stem were perfect.
But her roots were too deep in the glass.
Her pedals were sweet smelling,
but her leaves were razor sharp.
Her scent was a beautiful poison,
her colors were bright and exotic.
She was dangerous, and I loved it.
Beneath the glass was concrete.
The city was her home.
She bloomed beneath the bright lights.
She yearned to grow wild and free,
she wanted to sprout among the other flowers,
but she poisoned them all,
and her roots could not escape the pain.
In the glass were mounds of bones,
of those who held her too long.
Their blood helped her grow,
but also made her poisonous.
I long to taste her again,
yet I know she'll never taste the same.
The scars on my hand will never heal.
And I don't want them to.

I know you will be alive and in love
like a child for the first time.
You will chase and daydream
and trace their name on fogged over windows
and even though you're older,
you'll be none the wiser
and just as dazed and clueless
as I am now.

People pitty my lack of rest
But they know why i  don't even wink.
What if you came to find me,
And passed me by just cuz i blinked?

I must be doing something wrong

Because I don't think you hear me whispering
I don't think you see me standing in front of you
I don't think you realize that you're on the wrong side of the window
Or maybe I am,
But I'm screaming for you
And you can't hear me
You keep on staring through me
And I'm slipping down the glass wall
So please break it down
And catch me before I fall
I never got to hold your hand
I still write your name on stick notes because I love the way it looks
I loved you before you left
And I don't know how to not
Because you made me
So
Freaking
Happy
So
Freaking
Happy
And I thought you were happy, too,
On the days that you weren't sad
We both had bad days but I thought we were happy together
Because when I talked to you, my mind was quiet
And I can handle the noise
But I need the quiet,
No one's ever made me feel like that
And you never told me how you could just walk away
I mean, I know life ***** sometimes
But it's easier to handle with you
All the times that you didn't get mad,
And I never forgot
The first time I cried after you left
I just told you that I hated that you were gone.
I sat up alone until midnight
Until I realized why I was crying
I count the minutes in my head and watch the paint peel off the wall
But I'll never understand
Why you left