Staring at every corner of your face.
Your eyelids shut so tightly.
The edges of your lips so still.
I crave to know what's in that brain.
You rest so still, as if you have never known of any living hell.
As if you've never heard of the battle.
The war partaking so constantly inside of me.
I am so envious of your nights.
My home is sleepless.
As far from your familiarity as possible.

I’ve never known an emotion like this.
One that makes my stomach flip.
My hair stand up.
My body turn to ice.
One that turns my mind to mush.
The constant static in my thoughts disappears and silence over whelms my being.
I can feel my stomach crawling up my chest and into my throat.
My planted feet become so weak as i try and grip so tightly on reality.
“It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real.” i keep chanting to myself, trying to find some glimpse of victory over this crippling impression.

I wish I could fix you.
I wish I could smooth every one of your worry wrinkles.
I wish I could tell you that everything will be ok, and mean it.

But the sadness you carry is deeper than I have ever known.

You are the only hope I have ever lost.
The only need I have always refused.
& the only soul I ever rejected.

Too much of you has withered away.

Your body has become unfamiliar to me.
Our words are only those of distance, desperately searching for conversation.

I feel as though I've never known you.
Your face is not a mothers, but a sad & broken stranger.

I just wish I could fix you.

How beautiful you sit.
Returning every night to a love that is unending.
The consistency of your visit is the very reason I live.
The light in the blackness.
The guide to my path.
How gracious and patient you sit only to be recognized for just a moment.
You're a gentleman, Mr. Moon.

Some days suffocating seems easier than breathing.
On those days I can feel the tingle in my toes.
The nots in my stomach.
The ache in my muscles.
The tension in my fist.
I can feel it all.

From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet I ache. Ache for you, for your small whisper. The words that melt me like a candle stick.
Drip by drip I fall.

But just as quickly, my waxy lips learn to breathe again.