page after page
yet none could compare to this story
the story of a girl
who knew she actually couldn't take on the whole world
as separation is a form of punishment
a destroying factor in a lover's quarrel
the love between the sun and the moon
not between the earth and the sky
so why does the day remain angry with me?

I might work in construction this summer, and lift heavy things to maintain a one bed apartment payed with labor in what determines your place in society; green paper

I might become a professional cross country runner, and wear my legs out every day to earn a circular carved piece of gold that I'll wear around my neck to feel superior for a few minutes, to feel like I've made an impact, when my own weight can't even make an impact on the concrete I step in with every stride I take, and sweat coming down my face like Pompeii

I might be a druggie to eliminate misery for a number of hours, to crack smiles I don't really feel because the key to my happiness broke in half while trying to open the twelve inch thick steel door in my heart...
So I'm using chemicals to melt away all of the metals in the periodic table that made this door impossible to break down even if I had a positive attitude, and an army throwing grenades at it that won't even leave a scratch on it..

So I'll be sitting next to this door, watching these compounds I took into my helpless body destroy the surroundings that resemble my sadness, and be left alone with an indestructible door, and all that I will want to feel... I wont

I'll become one with numbness, and become a still emotion in a dark place with a big door I will never open...
I'll admire its strength so hopefully my shaky hands can clench, and grow to be as powerful and brave enough to attack as the door defends what I aspire to be..
a human with meaning in showing my teeth and muscles in my face, that are truthfully moving without the help of a substance that deceives my feelings for hours
I might've broken the key, and my fists might be bruised and cracked, but there's no limits to will

But time is digging my grave without me moving a single bone in my body
To be looked back at as a legend that did nothing

I'll be posted on a plaque with my name and spirit in it, on a shaped piece of stone that people will stare at on a sunny day wearing all black while listening to the cries of my mother

"WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO, WHY HIM?"

"WHY GOD, WHY?"

Destiny doesn't exist, neither does coincidence
Time isn't for everyone, but it'll be mine
I won't have to rush to feel "free" from this "freedom" I'm living in
My consciousness will know, when my time is due
So mother, nothing will be your fault
Brother, I don't mind you bashing on me
Sister, I don't get mad when you scream at me for no reason, we all have bad days,
And father, I don't care if you never loved me,
It wont be your fault
Just understand that time gives and takes..
Thats all there is to it...

Time; humans limit to experiences

So now you know why I make bad decisions, now you know why I do certain things.


Now you know to blame time.

she was left , half dead , and a word was struggling to get out of her lips.

*w h y ?

cracked nails with peeling hands
ugly dancers' feet
endless hours of stretching, leaping, bowing, and creating straight lines with no mistakes
you destroy me but, I love every moment of it

Today is the day
My heart died,
My head sunk.

The day when,
Life became hard,
And friendships became complicated.

Do to the love,
That we shared,
From year to year.

As lovers become friends,
And friends start to separate,
As our lives start to trace,
Their own separate paths.

I sink into her lips as one sinks
into the soft sands as the tide
recedes gently into the jealous sea.
Locked in an eternal push and pull.
Daring me to swim into her depths.
Exonerating me to plunge down.

And all the while I tread the shores
of Galilee
in the off season,
as the suites come at a better rate.

Hark; the way to the surface is lost
amidst the turbulent crash of
this wine dark sea, which is her soft hair.
Her pale skin is the grainy sand,
And the foam that breaks upon me.
while I long for her wave to crash

I recognize her heart beat, as if
it reverberates deeply within my own,
sounding like a long forgotten love song
that I once knew all the words to