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 Feb 2018 John Stevens
Star BG
My mother is a poem
A haiku for sure I say
A gift from heaven.

She nurtured my life    
like flower she’ll always be    
blossoming with light  

Mother Doris rocks
Sharing wisdom at every age        
Teaching how to be

Mom inspired me.
though sometimes we fought in life
I love her so much

She carried my soul
helping me grow and survive
helping me love self.

With memory gone
doesn't matter love is strong  
love weaves love in smiles.
Courage is when fear
Has said its prayers
When you need some
Just call on Him upstairs
On your knees
You gain His grace
Oh there's nothing
You can't face
Courage is when fear
Has said its prayers
Copyright Louis Brown

There is a past age
That no one can alter
And tomorrow will be
What tomorrow will be

But here in the middle
Is one precious moment
A quicksilver instant
That challenges me
 Jan 2018 John Stevens
Sara Leal
To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when you feel like you have no more reason to stay alive~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hey! Cheer up! It's just a bad moment, a really bad one. I know you can pass through it and later on you'll see that it wasn't that bad. I do know because I also have those moments, when I just want to break down and let go everything. So I know that right now it is that bad, with all those negative thoughts inside your head, with all those voices screaming that you're in pain, that you're not needed, that you want to get away from all this. Don't do that, don't get away from it, don't let those voices get to you, it's not your time yet, you have a lot that you should fight for. You have a lot of reasons to keep going and I'm one of them as you're one for me. And remember, I'm here with you. You're not alone in this.
                                                 
       ­                                           Sara Leal
                                                           ­                                      24/01/18
The second one out of some. A new series of letters dedicated to you. I hope you feel it like I did.
 Jan 2018 John Stevens
empty seas
there's nothing more calming
then letting yourself be

c                  
              o
                         n
                                  s
                       ­                 u
                                            ­ m
by a                                 g       e          b
                                         o          d     o
                                             o           o
                                                 d     k
I've read a lot of amazing books recently
 Jan 2018 John Stevens
empty seas
I know you keep your eyes on the ground
so you don't trip again
but take a moment to

stop

              

                 up                     *
and look                                   *                to                   *                     *
                                                               ­       *the     *        *   *      *        *  *
                                            ­                        *         *    *    *     *     *        *    *    
                                                               *           *       stars     *   *      *    
the stars are so beautiful. take a moment
 Jan 2018 John Stevens
Cné
Climbing on the bus
Not looking forward to this trip
But it meant so much to her  
And how could I predict

That it would be her last hurrah
Before she passed away
Just one year ago marks
The anniversary of that day

It was an annual trip, with her twin
They took to different cities
With a group of old church folks
They called themselves
“The Traveling Gypsies”

As it turned out to be
My last fond memory
Of my mother and her twin
Before they were stripped
Of all their memories

Alzheimer’s was their reward
They gave it quite a fight
Bed ridden in their final days
Until they saw the light

Who's to say how it will end
Or where that place will be
A gutter in the streets of life
Or home where it should be

So as I sit and contemplate
These moments I recount
I think about the road ahead
And how I’ll make it count
My mom and her twin sister both had Alzheimer's. My mom was significantly more progressed than my aunt's. My aunt acted as my mom's caretaker long after we had them both moved to a memory care facility. They both did well there for about 6 months. Then my mom became aggressively depressed and crying all the time. At that time, they both had a bad sinus infection at the same time. My mother recovered but was still crying and complaining she couldn't breathe. However doctors could not find any ailments in her. My aunt ended up getting pneumonia. While in the hospital they discovered and diagnosed her with stage 4 terminal lung cancer. She died 4 months later with the last month being bed ridden, hardly eating until she was nearly only bones and on a breathing machine. My mom and her twin were always connected in the weird twin way ... knowing things between them, beyond normal comprehension. We all believe my mom knew (not in a cognitive way but in her own twin way) before diagnosed that her twin was going to die. None of us expected her to live much longer than her twin. They both had long life forces even crippled with cancer and Alzheimer's. My aunt Lorea (other mother) died Oct. 27, 2016. Up until that point my mother could still walk, talk, eat and recognize me and my siblings. However after she lost her twin she could no longer walk requiring much more individual care. We moved her to a residential home care facility. They worked really hard to try and revive her willingness to live. It wasn't a conscious choice to give up because with Alzheimer's your brain doesn't work right. She lasted less than 3 months after the death of her twin. It was heartbreaking, to say the least, to witness. I rejoice her being reunited with her twin and my father and free of the confinement of Alzheimer's but I'm still working through the finality of it on the earthly side. Growing up as a child of twins is a blessing of having two moms (one being the cool mom ... the mom you could tell anything to .. knowing she would know how to explain it to your real mom in a way you couldn't bring yourself to do) and a sister cousin, my aunt's daughter. I had an older sister (10 years) too. So in my case I had three moms I love dearly. I am grateful to still have my sister.
 Jan 2018 John Stevens
Cné

Meet me in my dreams tonight
Where love elopes and hopes fly high.
Where songs of truth are sang to thee
This night alone to set us free.

Meet me in my dreams tonight
Where fate abounds in your design.
We’ll tell a tale of ecstasy
To fill this void from you to me.

Within my dreams, in you - I’ll wait
To find me in this abstract state.
Together time is out of reach
This surreal moment belongs to each.

Within my dreams, for you - I’ll find
That hidden escape within our mind.
We’ll banish all worry and cut all strings
That keep us from joining and fleeing on wings.

Within my dreams, for you - I’ll be
Forever yours eternally.
The one real place we can feel alive
Where all our fantasies live and thrive.

Meet me in my dreams tonight
Within this realm as we collide
Hold on tight ‘fore dawn of light
Both far away and out of sight.

Meet me in my dreams tonight
This moment I’ll treasure of timeless flight.
Where thoughts unfurl and feelings entwine;
Where I am yours and you are mine.

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