If I wrote you a letter,
would you read it?
Would you see how
my love for you has scattered?
For I can only write you
my hateful letters,
where a single word
screams in abuse,
and maybe it might strike
your heart in a way
that makes you want to die...

If I wrote you a letter,
would you surrender,
and scream in submission,
bow down in admission?
If I wrote you a letter,
would you mistake
a knife for an eraser?
Because I did,
and you never wrote me a syllable...

I will not prove you right,
I am not in need of you.
You inspire me
like a gone mind
inspires a gun;

Now I'm grown,
Now my skin's thicker;
I will not dig my own grave
because you chose to pull the trigger.
So, if I wrote you a letter,
you still wouldn't matter
to me.

I swear
my bones have frozen
without you,
40 degree summer could arrive now,
and I'd still be the
equivalent of a snowman;

A mortal needing
another fleeting mortal;
What a beautiful and dangerous
combination...

The less time I spend with you,
the less I'll need to heal,
but the less time I am with you,
the more frost I lick off of my fingers,
the more frostbite attacks my lips,
the more my core is numbed...

I need to feel you,
You know I've missed you,
I need to feel you because
dangerously, you're becoming
a part of me, a delicate one at that.

I always told my teacher
you needed to be
shoved off a cliff
and only then would you
learn how to swim,
and darling,
for you, I'd eat patience
for breakfast, lunch and dinner;
I'd eat patience until my scale broke...
and it has.

The scale of my heart
is on edge,
it is crackling,
it is ruining,
it is bleeding to death.

I'm scared to insist
and I'm scared to admit
that I am tired of giving you
swimming lessons...
But then again,
if I don't teach you how
to float, one of us will sink...

I understand my patience
cannot be immortal,
but surely, your shyness
won't be either,
surely nothing is immortal,
surely we still have a chance...

It is my understanding that
by teaching you how to swim,
by being your anchor,
I will sink...you don't care if I do.
Fine.
Sink with me.

And maybe then I will learn
to not miss you so much,
so much that I can barely
pick up a pen to shoot bullets
of which damage you will never feel
because I will love you too much
to let them pierce and **** you;
but I am not made of steel.

I don't want that sinking feeling,
I don't want to fall apart,
but I'm ready, I guess
for this ride; I've
buckled up my heart.

Mind-cuffed, yet I
thought of you
and your one-sided-ness,
don't you know
for love you need conversation and
conversations work in two?

I will throw you shade
so you can burn,
we won't die from all
their camera-eyes;
I never fell in love with and
in the moment;
I fell inlove in the exact hour
my smile turned sour
because of you.

My blood's gone blue,
and my hair might be wild,
but you're still dealing
with an inexperienced child;

I wasn't told a soul
could become so cold,
you have a beautiful face
but nothing as nice to say,
and I have a mouth that screams
"I love you" in **bold.

Goodnight, sleep tight
Please don't lose your mind,
Take this second
with me and just breathe,
feel free for a minute,

I love you more
than the meds you take,
I love you more
than the screams my mind makes,
I love you even when
my voice shakes;

Oh I want to lose myself
in your endless sea,
I want to let you see
how much you mean to me,
how your touch,
how your kiss
brings me bliss;

How you rock me to my core
where others have not been too kind,
How in my mind
I find a place to drown,
but in you ,
I find the shore.