Jesse Davey: Poems

Control

Jesse Davey Nov 2015

Control

Control.
I've lost control. It feels that way, anyway.

But I'm always in control. Control of my life, my career, my money. My journey.

Im so in control that I don't even realise I'm not, until it hits me. Like an unstoppable force. An insurmountable pressure. A tsunami crashing against my mind, the weight of it almost crushing me.

I let my mind crumble. I succumb to rage, and then stress and then to tears. Feelings, emotions, thoughts flood in. The gates are opened. I feel vulnerable.
I try to weather the storm. After all, My mind has done so a thousand times. Battered, and flogged like a cyclone sweeping through a rural town.

They say there is a calm before the storm. But there is also a calm after it as well. A serenity that follows a catastrophe. A peace.
I'm now at peace. Too exhausted to feel anything else but.

I'm slowly regaining control. Systems returning to normal. Rebuilding from the devastation.

I'm there. I'm back. I'm me again, except for one small difference. It's a thought.

How do I stop this happening again?

Emotions

Jesse Davey Nov 2015

Emotions

Disappointment.
I constantly feel it from you.

Hope.
I feel this each time. Will it get better? This reminds me that I love you, still.

Suffering.
To love is to suffer? No truer words have been spoken.

Desperation.
Yes, for when my love for you is unfulfilled. This feeling debuts.

Emptiness.
When you and I are not in each others arms, this emotion shows its ugly face.

Happiness.
A distant memory.

Love.
The only reason these words have been produced. The only light in this pitch black tunnel. The silver lining that may shine bright still. The supreme power that ignities my life. The eternal energy that fuels my happiness.

#love #feelings #emotions

Expectations

Jesse Davey Nov 2015

Expectations

Why do I expect so much of you? Love will do that. Love creates expectations, and desires, and curiosity. Love needs to be fulfilled.

An unfullfilled love wields a terrible power. A power to create gut wrenching sadness in a person. feeling of suffering and a sensation so enormous, that it is no Ionger just an emotion. It has transformed....mutated...into an extemely tangible pain in ones self. How do I know? You have made me feel that. I have made myself feel that.

Why do I expect so much of you? It's not your fault. You're not able to meet my needs, because your own are being neglected.

Why do I expect so much of you? You beg me to give you space. I want to give you the world. And I could, of you asked. But space? I can't give you that. For each millimetre of space, I feel a mile of suffering. I cant give you that for which you ask. Space.

Why do I expect so much of you? When You are not equipped to provide for yourself.

Why do I expect so much of you? Is it because I love you.

#love #expectations

Loneliness.

Jesse Davey Dec 2015

Loneliness.

Love is a blazing furnace in ones soul.

I have forged unforgettable emotions and experiences in the fires of such Love.

They are the unshatterable,  tormenting,  over thought feelings you get when you are all alone,  and no one is around watching  you. True Loneliness.

These emotions are the most genuine,  most authentic emotions I've ever felt.  That is what makes these emotions the most terrifying.

Ha,  what a funny thing Loneliness is.
A child of Love, a sibling of Happiness.

You are truly alone when you simply cannot feel.

Anger? Sadness? These are emotions which comfort you,  and drive you in some way.
Ah, but Loneliness is the only emotion in the repertoire of the mind which truly disables.

Loneliness is the devil of the mind. A disgusting, terrifying, sheer amazing thing to feel.

Disgusting because of the sinister thoughts it conjures  in your sorry mind.

Terrifying because you are paralysed. Unable to escape the thick,  cold, jail cell of your own mind.  In this,  there is no comparable equal.

Amazing because it is truly a fascinating thing that a human being should be subjected to such an incredibly powerful emotion.

Loneliness is the great evil of ones Soul.
Pray that when you meet it,  you're strong enough to endure it's everlasting torture.

#lonely #sadness #loneliness

My Minds Eye

Jesse Davey Nov 2015

My Minds Eye

I often picture you and I, in my minds eye.

What we could have been? Where we could have gone?
What we could have done?

When I picture us, we are together in the perfect union. A flawless partnership.

My strengths are the pillars to support your weaknesses, and yours to mine.

Our love is the indescribable force which motivates me to do better in times of challenge and That support us in times of pain.

Why can't you see? It is a true injustice that you cannot!
I long for an end to this limitation.

I yearn for you to be able peer into my minds eye, even for but a moment. To see what we could be.

#love #heartbreak #girlfriend #mindseye

Only You.

Jesse Davey Nov 2015

Only You.

Silence. Just Silence.

I thought I would cope with your Absence.

Wrong. My heart yonders for only One.

You. I yearn for Only You.
Only You can see me through this Loneliness.

It's Hopeless, I'm wishing and crying just to hear your voice.

Don't Toy with me, I had no choice, but to go.

And yet, even though it was me who left, who pulled the Trigger on this chain of events, I'll still wait by the phone.

Why? Because if I don't, I'm all Alone.

#love #heart #yearning #iloveyou #longing #leaving #absence #lonliness #departure

Soul Mate

Jesse Davey Nov 2015

Soul Mate

It's Dark in here.

I feel the Cold against the pores of my skin. Raw, Numb.
I draw a breath. The air - Icy, Damp and Wet.

I'm trapped inside the forgetton area of my Heart which beats so slowly, almost stopped.
The space in all our Hearts which we do not acknowledge exists.

It's Dark in here.

I'm locked, jailed, forbidden to leave.
I'm a prisinor of my own soul.
Despair my Prison Guards.
Hopelessness my Warden.
Loneliness my Executioner.

It's Dark in here.

I'm beginning to fade. I want to be free, and I think there is only One way. One way to stop the Cold. One way to escape. Yes, there is only One way to find any peace.
I am enveloped in a darkness that is strangling the spark from my existence.

It's Dark in here, without You.

You.

You, the one who is the Light to my Darkness.
The Solution to my life's question.
The Laughter to my sadness.
The Fulfilment to my utter emptiness.
The Warmth to my bitterly cold existence.
The Cure to my terminal sickness.
The Soul Mate to my heart.

It's not Dark here anymore. For when I think of you, I am Free.

#love #freedom #hate #sadness #friendship #girlfriend #light #warmth #loneliness #soulmate

Still on my mind.

Jesse Davey Dec 2015

Still on my mind.

Why are you still on my mind? You represent emotions that won't fade, that  refuse to give way,  that won't let me make way, for the present.

Even though I know you are wrong for me,  why do you feel so right?

I want to write about another, about some other person,  anyone.  But here it is,  the only thing that motivates me to pen my thoughts  is you,  why?

Its twisted how I am so addicted to even the thought of you.
My minds eye doesn't even picture you,  yet I feel hopelessly fixated on every inch of you.

I want you. I want the person I thought you were.  Why can't you be her?

I want to fall in love with another. How do I evict you from my mind? To throw you out, kick you out, leave you out in the cold, like I was too many times.

It might not have been a real cold pavement onto which you dumped me,  but baby,  the pain I felt was like ice.

Yet being so fixated on you sometimes warms me like the embers of a great fire that once raged bright.

Why are you still on my mind?

#love #depression #hate #fixated

— The End —