Why break a fight
about some lost chocolates
though i am sure
absolutely sure
that i gave them to you last

i looked up a term
gas lighting
Ever heard of it?

she sits behind the tv
watching in the living room
surrounded by her family
with empty eyes
the only things she says
are empty lies:
“I'm okay, I'm alright,
don't worry 'bout me”
she was in her own fight
and as a reality show plays
in her mind she thinks
of all the different ways
and with the morning light
she takes a chair and a rope
having chosen on one of them
to the tree in the garden
to make a final flight.

My worn pages are my scars
they show the places that I've been to
they show I've seen the stars

My painted quotes are the words I spoke
And although they often speak of you,
they were always perceived as a joke

Now my binding is falling apart
And I don't know what to do
When will it come?
This happy ending part

Care to explain
the reason for being angry
for swearing at me
tell me what I did

I might say sorry
If only I knew what I did wrong
you don't have to disrespect me
just use words I understand

******** too
for making me feel bad
for I don't know what

I don't need friends who use me
and downgrade me because of their own jealousy
******* too

Stop making me feel bad
for things like having higher grades

Stop being jealous
on someone you don't know

Stop expecting things
what will come will come

Stop comparing
I am not you and you are not me

My future has been long decided,
all to do was follow the right way,
and make the right choices,
for every wrong one I had to pay.

My sight had been forced into one direction,
all I could see was yesterday
but one morning I opened my eyes,
and knew, it was time to go away.

The whole world stretched out before me
and living right here, in today
I learnt the meaning of freedom:
I can do whatever I say

And the perfect girl broke down,
the girl who got the highest grades
and always had her work done neat,
she finally shred her tears,
destroyed by society,
asking her things she couldn't do,
she came home after school,
desperate to escape reality,
her father didn't ask about her day,
but told her to help in the house,
and  that was it,
she cried all night.

When reality gets bad,
I like to escape,
I read and write of countries never existed,
about wars in a beautiful landscape.

My mind is thinking only about there,
The responsibilities are never mine,
As I balance between these worlds,
on a very fine line.

Often I have to go back,
To the reality of my life,
Forced by the not-caring people around me,
and I grab my often used knife.

Let me stay there,
when reality gets bad,
There I don't have to deal with myself,
There I don't have to pretend not to be sad,
when reality gets bad.

My mind is thinking
buzzing with ideas
Can't form a single sentence
my head is to far ahead of me.

Got a pen in my hand
which my brain seems to ignore
Gonna make one more attempt
Before I throw this paper to the floor.