When you are the one,
Who builds up the expectation,
That plans your future dates,
Thinking they would love this,
When they are hundreds of miles away.

This level of expectation builds up,
When you finally go,
Does it match expectation?
Do you even notice past they smile or eyes?
Or do the nerves take over and you don't know

3 of my friends said this month,
That they can't take anymore of life,
And they are considering having no more.
Just an end to everything,
To stop thinking as they are.

I haven't slept properly in 3 weeks,
Only an hour here and there,
And as usual,
My long lasting battle of impending heartbreak,
Always at the back of my head,
Which never seems to ease.

It has taken it's toll,
I am hurting but my friends can never know,
5 times today I stopped for a second,
My eyes were close to giving in,
But I know the moment I do,
I know I won't stop.
So I am trying to hold it in.

But I realise for my 3 friends,
I am the person that is always around,
I need to be...
I will always take the burden for them,
Any day and any time,
But today was tough.

In this moment,
I want 3 things
And here is why

A new job,
One, I love again
Like my last but in London.

More money,
So I can see my parents on day,
With a cheque for their montage.

A relationship,
To fall in love
And not be alone anymore.

I currently stand
In a decent place and position
But being human, I always want more.