Wandering night-time streets
Craving cigarettes and clear conscience
Running to find a way, to find you
I thought I was the only one who cared
Why am I so determined?

I picture you with a cigarette in your hand
The ashes fall to the ground we know too well
You tell me everything, then nothing
Do I deserve to know this much?
Why you went missing for a day?

An apartment with two floors
Who'd have thought?

The kitchen door is always shut
Keeping out memories that, like the smoke you
breathe, infect my mind and make me feel as
though I never do belong

Did I ever stop loving you?

I bump into you as you leave the bathroom and I
wonder if I'll ever get to touch you the way I used
to

I didn't even hold you but my shirt still smells of
cigarettes and fresh laundry; you
Why is it the nicest smell?

I reached for the bottle of whiskey
Because I didn't want to feel anything.
Then I reached for the bottle of *****
Because I wanted to feel something.
Then I reached for the bottle of wine
Because I wanted to relax in the midst of chaos.
Now I reach for nothing at all
Because I don't know what's real anymore.

My heart brought happiness
Back to my life
And my mind
Made it go away

It's 12 am
And you're at my door
My chest says yes,
But my brain says, "no more."
You walk away confused
While I stand in the doorway
With my heart in my throat
And the pain coursing through my veins
I'm thinking, "My God, this is insane"
I whisper, "I'm sorry.
You deserve better than me.
You're too pure for this darkness*"
I hope one day you will see
Why I had to make you leave.

They say there's stages of grief
But I don't remember-
Making it through those
When did looking at your picture-
Become unfamiliar?
Who is that man?
What is the sound of his voice?
How much did he love me?
What was he hiding?
I don't remember going through
The stages of grief.
But apparently,
It made me forget you

Maybe coping is overrated.