Got into a car accident this morning and I left my phone in my car.Don't know how to reach you.  Just got home, car totaled and some muscle injury.  I'm fine overall.  This is not a poem.

The man with the crooked smile,
hidden motives were his style,
the droves of people noticed his trick,
no one was fooled and he seemed to be slick.
He smiled only to please and never to emote.

The flaw was in his act,
he seemed too abstract...
For he was silent.
He was not violent.
But people's imaginations run wild with a grin so sinister.

Once just an imitation of an actor,
now the best in show and his smile is a factor,
the mystery in his soul is as dark as the outcomes,
you can even hear the drums.
Just a puppet for the gods, the humans believe he's real.

The day we met,
the gods set a bet.
We would destroy each other,
first of all we would love one another,
then hope we never met.

The touch of a stranger so familiar,
in the dead of winter,
the warmth of our bodies intertwined,
both blind.
Funny how we play tricks on the mind.

The outcome already known,
and to cover the gamble they made a loan,
two souls destined to cross,
when it was all over it was a loss.
A deprivation of satisfaction and uncertainty of the future.

I thought I knew you,
your favorite color was blue,
all I saw was your physical,
you seemed so quizzical.
I'd tell you what was on my mind and you'd tell me also.

The day I seen your true colors,
after all those lovers,
(I) found happiness in your confusion,
even if it was all an illusion.
Someone too ruined by the past and no future with me.

I was still colorblind to you,
I had no clue,
I longed for your kiss,
that day I was forever in bliss...
All that meant nothing to you just a distant memory.

Today I'm spreading pain from my heart to my body,
even if I my real hope is to disembody,
I still carry on weary and tired,
it's as if life had me fired (by TRUMP),
And yet admired secretly.

I'm a miracle and a mistake,
and I know I can't have my cake and be a fake,
drying my tears by pushing the back into dry eyes,
this way no one hears my cries,
I'm pointless and yet full of purpose, like a puppet.

I don't care when I'm numb,
when I could die by a gun,
when I pretend to smile for a buck,
I feel like I've been hit by a truck.
**Lying can be similar to dying a little bit every day.

I'm so sad I think I'm happy now,
I run torn and broken yet fully aware,
the pain in my eyes cannot be hidden through lenses,
the sorrow in my heart too heavy to stand,
yet the regrets from yesterday still remind me of you.

The happiness ripped out of my existence to feel your pain,
only a glimpse of your brain,
throughout the blood rain,
I seen your heart dropping from the sky still beating,
longing for "True Love" and my heart made the same greeting.

Although I have all the answers,
I won't reveal one as I am one of several cancers,
a cancer of your mind and your soul,
forever engraved in your existence and taking a toll,
**I promised I was deadly when we met like a drug to a user.

So today I am speechless and hurt.
I thank you, my friend... the extrovert.
I'm more messed up than you know,
and you told me to grow?!
Really you apparently know my life piece by piece?

I invited you to my pity party,
gladly you accepted trying to be a smarty,
a past friend and now a stranger,
I should have known I might be in danger.
People change but I won't.

I'm not a victim of the circumstances,
I'm a survivor of the past who advances.
I no longer know you and you never knew me,
so it's obvious you should set me free.
**Old friends are just as outdated as old calendars obviously.

Tonight I'm dying again (drinking),
but my best friend is here (liquor),
all my friends forgot about me but not HIM!
Of course He's my best kept secret,
Secrets are always the best when two people know them.

I need to relax He's there,
I need to party and He's always available,
I want to drown sorrow and You have the antidote,
I feel lonely and You're there somehow?!
My best friend and worst enemy.

My father drowned at the bottle,
my mom dealt with HIM with the orange bottle (HER),
I ran from both and ran into both HER and HIM,
therefore, I will die from both or survive them both.
At my lowest... I rise!

I died today and went to Hell,
I was destined for this place, oh well!
I loved the people there,
we all got along even if there wasn't a prayer,
Not a Prayer for him or her or it.

At least I felt the pain tonight,
the thorns of love made me write...
I feel my heart pours out emotions too deep to consider,
in the past I'd sell my emotions to the highest bidder.
Beauty and insanity go well together but all is overlooked.

Yet I'm weakest when I love anything or* anyone,
it gives me purpose even when I have *none,
I care for it, them or* myself,
It's crazy thinking I never cared to love myself left on a *shelf...
Somewhere in the past like an old, outdated book I'm lost forever.

Last night I slept next to her,
surely it was a blur,
I didn't even care what she meant,
she kept me safe without consent...
Well that was the night I slept next to Marilyn...

She was smiling all night long,
she wasn't happy but why was she smiling all along?
Coping with that inner sadness,
just like me with all of that madness...
Happiness is subjective, you can look happy and be rotting inside.

Drowning in her tears by morning,
I knew when she was gone... I'd be mourning.
Cause when she  leaves,
she robs you like a million thieves.
**Empty & alone, I realize it's only her visage keeping me company.

The night grew dark and fog surrounded me,
I couldn't run or flee.
Unsure if I'm imaginary or real anymore,
at this point I don't think my soul can restore.
Long days and eternal nights continue forever.

Destitute and poor.
And yet in my mind there is grandeur,
it seems I can help the world...
but I can't help myself with a destiny that is whorled.
I am not whole and I am not invisible just in between.

Like a ghost I have no place and no purpose,
passing time in an endless journey that's worthless.
I love and despise pain
because I am profane.
*Too ashamed to live and yet too proud to die.