I am trapped in a straitjacket
Unable to move
I may as well be in a casket

Trying to remember how I got here
Everything is so unclear
I am blindfolded and everything starts to disappear

Out of control
Out of my mind
Out of a soul

I fight against the sleeves
Thrashing, resisting
Trying so hard to leave

Doctors whispering reassuringly
But the words don't reach me
No matter how kindly

In an asylum you don't pay rent
Because you are a slave against your will
Held there just for thinking something different

Not a single letter
No one wants to talk to the insane
No one even thinks you'll ever get better

Then you lose hope in your own recovery
No one else believes it, why should you?
You forget what it is to even be free.

Alone
Forgotten
Unknown

This straitjacket gets no easier to bear
I pull and pull
But it gets no better to wear

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

Can you see the girl in me whom you loved
Can you hear the child in me whom you cared
Can you feel the mother in me whom you relied
Can you see the bombshell in me whom you needed
Can you see the old lady in me whom you comforted
Can you see the advisary in me whom you believed
Can you see the wife in me whom you trusted
Can you see the friend in me whom you liked
Can you see the fading me in me whom you hated
Can you see the failing soul in me whom you tortured
Can you see the falling angel in me whom you defeated
Can you just see the me in me ?
Can you ?

Do you recall
The feeling of fall
With burning leaves
Dancing trees
And a breeze that pervades through all?

Do you remember
The chill of winter
That quiet slumber
And smell of lumber
As you sleep by the fireplace's dying embers?

Do you sing
With the thought of spring
And its blooming flowers
The cheesy lovers
That smile as the wedding bells ring?

Do you honor
The handsome summer
In its endurance
The assurance
And oppression of its motherly warmth

Do you feel
As if life isn't real
That all you see is a dream
That you may fall from the seams
Of the universe?

Even if everything is nothing
And our actions are but indistinguishable vibrations
Upon the vast lake of stars

Is it too much to ask
To remain asleep
And live in my fantasies
Superficial or deep?

And reap what I sow?
And decide to stop or go?
And live as I please?
And be who I want to be?