How many times can you lie to someone?
How many times can you hurt someone?
How many times can you apologize for the number of times you´ve wounded someone?

How many times...
How many times...
I know I can be better,
I´m sorry...
I really am...
Please,
Forgive me...

You want to be listened to.
That I can handle.
I love the sound of your voice.
I can here it even through emails.
I can hear your voice.

You agree with me.
That makes me happy.
You forgave me,
That made me love you more.
You like my attempts to playfully **** you off,
Like when I know you hate furries,
So I draw them on the sidewalk with chalk...
I know you don't like K-pop,
So I send you links to my favorite K-pop songs...
And scream random sh*t.
You love me the way I am.

I will always listen to you.
If you say something stupid,
I'll agree with you.
If you're wrong,
I'll let you be right.
:)

I'm a grenade,
Ticking...ticking...ticking.
I hunger for the love that people get on a daily basis,
But once I'm close,
I loose it all...
I don't want to hurt anyone else,
Please,
You have to understand.
I love you dearly,
But I'm afraid to hurt you.

If you love me,
I need you to understand,
You're seeing all my scars.
You have to understand how sad I am,
All
The
Time.
You have to understand,
I come with baggage.
Lots and lots,
of baggage.
You have to understand,
When I say,
"I love you",
I mean,
"Thanks for not  leaving me."
I mean,
"Thanks for being there."
And of course,
"I will always be there for you."

Are you sure?
Are you lying?
It's nothing against you,
I swear.
I just hurt.
Everywhere,
Everyday,
Every minute.
Every heart beat hurts me.

I have my doubts,
I'm sorry about that.
But
I've had more than my fair share of lies,
Deception,
Mind games.
I just can't help but wonder...
Do you REALLY care?
Or am I another woman to you?
Another person to take advantage of?
Do I really matter to you?
Or am I something for you to use,
For your own pleasure,
Then leave me wounded?

I have my doubts,
Sorry about that...

I.
Am.
Happy.
You will be the first...
And I will be happy for you to be the first...
Please,
Just don't leave.


And make sure to have protection

;)

Who do you plan to hurt today...?
Maybe...
Your mother?
She tries so hard to keep everybody happy and satisfied,
She never has the time to take a breath,
And deal with her own problems.
Then you lie to her,
Argue with her,
Try to make yourself right.
In the end,
You´re wrong.
Your´re just too stubborn...

Who do you plan to hurt today...?
Maybe...
Your father?
He works night and day,
Making money to barely pay the bills,
And what do you do?
Lie to him,
Make him feel like sh*t.
This is how you love people?

Why can you stop?
WHY CAN´T YOU STOP?!

Bang.

Please, not another emotional teenager who can't control their own emotions.
Please, not another one...
Cold,
Hard,
Silver pressed to their temple...
Blood racing,
Thoughts unclear.

Bang.
There goes another one.

Here comes another one.
But, she seems different...
She's...smiling?
Her short black hair,
Slightly hiding her left eye.
She slowly picks up the gun to check if it's loaded...
Then for a second,
You see her pain,
You see all the physical and mental pain she endured.
You see the days she would come home crying and bruised.
She thought she was "okay"...
She never told anyone,
She never told a soul.
"******"
"*****"
She thought she was "okay".
Her smile fades as she raises the gun to her right temple.
"Just do yourself a favor, and **** yourself."

Bang.
There goes another one...

You don't need to cry,
When you're on the run.
There is nobody to hurt.
There is nobody to lie to.

You don't need to speak,
When you're on the run.
There is nobody to talk to.
There is nobody to lie to.

I want to run.
I want to be free.
I want to speak the truth...

Swooping into mind,
Like crows,
Swarming the skies.
Blocking out all evidence or sunlight.
Their flat, cold eyes,
Making sure you know they’re there.

Close your eyes,
Forget it.
Concentrate on something else.
But you feel the eyes staring into you.
Burning into your skin,
Forever branding you.
You can’t shake the sinking feeling of it all,
You can’t ever escape the feeling.

You walk throughout the day,
Sinking slower and slower,
Until you reach the bottom.
You fall under it all.
Looking up,
Seeing all the people above you.
“Why can’t I be like them…?”
You lay down,
Letting the tears fall.
Caring not what anyone else thinks,
Letting it all unfurl.
All your feelings…
Out in the open.

This is what it’s like,
Living with depression...

Here I am,
Falling down.
Falling down.
Here I am,
A burning touch against skin.
You run from me...
Why?
I know why...
Nevermind...
Here I am,
Falling down.
Falling down.

I won´t bother you again...
I promise.

You opened up my heart,
One of the things I kept hidden for such a long time.
But then you came along,
Took my hand,
Squeezed gently,
I knew you were meant for me...
I knew that you understood.

You took my heart in your hands,
You made sure nothing you did ever hurt me.
You looked into my eyes,
You wipes away my tears,
And you talked to me.
Talking...
You're words...
They make me so happy.
They make me want to stay with you forever.
They make me want to hold you forever.
And I will...
Till death do us part...

:)

I know,
I'm weird.
Just pretend it's normal.
Okay?
You pretty much agreed to this,
The moment you said,
"I love you."
You have to agree with me when I say something like,
"Noses have no purpose."
Then explode from realization when I finally figure out that noses are used for smelling...
You just need to agree with me when I start singing along to k-pop,
Don't judje when I suddenly yell,
"I AM A GOOD BOY."
Just don't even ask if I'm okay,
You should know by now,
I'm really not...

A secret escape to paradise.
No more fighting,
No more pain.
No more empty words.
Alone with my thoughts and voice.

Holding my heart in my hands,
Stitching together rips,
Gluing cracks together.
Maybe this time I won’t fall apart so easily.

My little paradise,
Where nobody can fill it with negativity.
Where nobody can hurt me…
I am happy here.
In the dark,
Alone with my thoughts and voice.

Save your breath,
It’ll all end soon.
Don’t make it any worse than it already is.
Don’t fight back,
They’ll leave you alone, I promise…
I know it hurts,
But it’ll pass.
I promise…

Please,
Don’t cry.
Dearest,
Don’t cry.
Get up off the floor.
Brush the dirt off your knees,
Wipe the tears from your eyes,
Clean the blood off your wounds.
I’ll all be okay…
I promise…

Dearest,
I know it hurts now…
But it’ll be okay…
I promise.

I’m sorry my dearest.
I love you,
I promise…