Do they miss home?

The feel of whipped winds replacing thoughts cashing in cackles forcibly stolen off their lips

Yearn to love a land which gave them life instead of painstakingly taking it projecting layers and layers of illusive mistrust

Know deception - the covert type that mutates your cells changes your history helps you forget
Blissfully forces you to remember

Inherit the careless careful gene embedded in lineage promises of forever understand this part of their sullied youth

They do.

I loved you
but could never
see [past]
just how I’d fit
into your life

You know I still find
your horoscope every time
I’m in search of mine

How can I claim to love you with everything in me and it still not be enough
I want a love straight off the pages
For you to look at me  
To see me for everything that I am and
that I want to be and that we are
A love you cannot stop thinking about
Gaze longingly at me and know with everything
in you that I am it

Instead I beg, plead
with my eyes with my tears with my closeness
I can be ruthless  
Show you the pieces of me I keep secrets with and leave them as gifts at your altar
Hide away the longing to feel burned as your palms near my skin
Concede with bitter acceptance that I do not feel scorched in return

Perhaps it is me that is broken
Want is not enough I need
I want to feel your hum from inside my veins
I need to know you want this too

When I bring myself to peak at night
it’s not you I see
I do not crave your skin or smell or feel
I do not need your eyes to translate
words you never say
As I run a hand over my own flesh imagining
what it’s meant to feel wanted
I remember how you don’t, how you didn’t and how in spite of me knowing this you insist that you do

I have been there before, and it scared me
Enough to push the tightness away giggling
as I remind myself this is no hard cover
      That words can’t leave imprints on skin
      That touch doesn’t tingle or buzz or burn
Petrified me in place as I begged for just one more kiss with the slightest shift of my gaze to yours
      Held my breath for your consideration
      Gasped at the slightest touch of you against me
Consumed so much these days you can still hear barely above a whisper me pleading for it

There’s something about the bleeding of
a pen through paper and on to
the other side
It gives me
a sense of permanency
Trying hard to stay put
it bleeds for its home

A mother hoping so much
to hold on. Leaves a
mark on their children
A tattoo of trauma
Leaves a mark on your
children

A love so sweet it’s tattoo
permanent mark my skin
with your presence on my
shoulder; permanent
A hope so sweet, I hope it’s
permanent

Bleed through my skin, leave a
splotch like pen to a paper
marking home reminding
you of its permanence

You know
The feels
I feel
The most
Are the feels
That feel
Like you