It’s been 3 days since I last spoke to you, and I waited until now to write this because I wanted to make sure that I would be ok. I’m finally starting to realize that I don’t need you and soon I will hope that I don’t want you. Your words remain echos in my brain as I scratch myself clean of any wounds you may be leaving. The distance you've created is finally allowing me to see clearly that what we had was detrimental.
I spent nights thinking about your hands in mine, and days thinking about your lips on mine, and hours thinking about your words with mine, you told me that you loved me and I was foolish to believe you.
I’m telling myself I don’t need you and soon I will not want you. But even as I write this I send out prayers of SOS in hopes that you’ll throw me a life jacket.
I am reminded that I was beautiful before you told me so, and I will remain beautiful as you walk away from me. I did not give you everything for fear of being empty and look how it all turned out.
I need to realize that it would not be different if I had sold myself to you. I need to realize that if I had been more willing to give you the key, you would have swallowed it and left me chained to your words.
What we had was not love, what we had was not love, what we had was not love, I need to remind myself.
Love is a two way emotion, I cannot love you if you only lust me. You told me you’re “not that kind of guy” but look who walked away without a second glance.
What we had was not love, what we have is not love, what he gave me was not love and I should not feel obligated to set myself on fire to keep him warm.
-h.w.